Facebook tests

Yay, according to the Which FRIEND are you? Test, I'm Rachel. I've always been Rachel. I remember doing this years back. That means I haven't changed much.. haha.

And I am a Passionate Kisser (according to the "What Kisser are you?" test). According to the test, it states that "You don't just kiss any person off the street because when you kiss, you really mean it and your partner feels it. There's a sensual aura about you, whether or not you try for it." I approve.

Movies caught this month

1. Lust, Caution
2. Bee Movie
3. Stardust
4. Lars and the Real Girl
5. Lions for Lambs

Death

This is the weekend of freak events. All my gripes, all my complaints about work but this weekend sure puts things in perspective.

I received a call on Monday. From Beat. She relayed to me the most shocking news. Our hairdresser had committed suicide over the weekend and she had passed away. I was so shocked. She was 25, and although she was never the perkiest person, I would not have envisioned her as someone who would take her own life. I only started going to her this year. She was recommended by Sharon and Beat. So I went to the funeral, and ended up sitting at a table full of her former clients. Sharon was distraught because she was close to her.

It turns out that her suicide made headlines on the Chinese paper on Sunday. A quick glance at the papers revealed that she had downed pills and sealed her room and filled it with fumes from a charcoal burner. And to Sharon's horror, this was the exact way that Sharon's friend had committed suicide earlier this year and Sharon had mentioned it to Koko. Koko's response had been "Only someone with guts would have killed herself like that..."

I told my colleagues about Koko's death. Only to find out that that very weekend, my former colleague KOS's young 2.5 year old daughter had been playing in her balcony, and had slipped and fallen from the balcony. I hardly knew him, but it didn't mean that shock didn't surface again... So many things can change in one split second. One moment there is a living breathing being, and the next...

E told me that a stage manager she once worked with on some stage productions was working on stage over the weekend, when suddenly a prop fell on him and he passed away too. @#$%$#@ What's God trying to say? What's with all these freak accidents? I have to say that suddenly, a stab of fear ran through me.

I am not afraid of death, but incidents like these never fail to remind me how transient life is. How should I live my life to the full, in order that I capture and appreciate every moment? I don't think satisfaction would come entirely from this job of mine, where sometimes I go hours without speaking to a single person...

Mmmmm

"Ever The Same"


We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now


Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken

Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down


Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same


You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)


- Rob Thomas

Full of shit

Am I really that transparent?!

This is so full of shit. But I really appreciate the wise words of my young 'brother' and my colleague-cum-friend-cum-fellow stag night organizer =)

Krispy Kremes

Some people are going to hit me, but Krispy Kremes aren't so great...

The End or the Start of Something New

It ended yesterday. I thought I saw it coming, but people go through a bit of shit in relationships sometimes. I have a long haul mentality - I know things can work out and it could be sweet in the end. Some things need a bit of fine-tuning. But it takes 2 hands to clap right? I was very surprised, and today I was a bit miffed. I was told to trust but in the end my gut instincts were right.

To be honest, I had so many doubts about this one. So many fears and worries. I tried to pre-empt all the problems and I put my fears and worries like cards on a table. Just to ensure that my heart would be protected. But the lesson to be learnt is that I will never know what lies on the horizon. No matter how hard I try, it's going to be a gamble.

But I cannot deny that it was sweet while it lasted. It was a short ride, but that's all it was meant to be. And I know God has got my back. He's got my best interests at heart. In God I trust. Someday someone good and worthy will come along =)

HK

Hmm, I had grand plans for this weekend, but unfortunately, I could neither anticipate feeling stuffed and bloated, the loss of appetite nor the fatigue that weighed me down. Oh and the fact that many of my friends were on the Friday flight. Thank God for Gina =)

Day One
Trudged down to the airport on Saturday morning at 630am. Actually I was driven down. Many thanks to KK. And I also thank God I got the morning flight. At least we had the rest of the day to hang around and feel our way around HK! There weren't many of us on this flight. I could only identify Yongseng, Aaron, Sanjiv and Vikram. And a few others from CRE and FSD.

From the airport, the ride down to HK was interesting. It was full of gently sloping hills and the odd cluster of towering skyscaper apartments concentrated very tightly together. Which was very very weird. Which was very weird because there was so much expanse in between each concentrated cluster.

Conrad was very lovely. It faced a very high peak. From my window I had a grand view of the city, which was swathed in this grey er, cloud... And on my right were the hills. We were situated right above Admiralty Station, one stop from Tsim Sha Shui.

That afternoon, we hung around Causeway Bay in a daze actually after we had checked in.

D&D was good. Cosplay was very fun and people were really good sports. I had the privilege of sitting next to the Powerpuff girls and one very hot mama (actually, that was Clara). The highlight must be when Sanjiv the Elvis Emcee called out my name in the lucky draw. I'm winner 15 out of 20!!! (I won a DVD Player!) Yay!!! I have never won anything in my life!

Then next stop - Lam Kwai Fong. I was pretty much stoned at first, but thankfully the girls stopped off to drink some authentic Yuanyang. Man was that a perker-upper. Sucked the fatigue out of me entirely!! The transformation was amazing! haha. We headed down to Sugar, as we had planned with the rest of the Liti department, but to our surprise we only found some of the partners and a stray few associates there! This place felt like Butter, but with better looking guys. The moment I stepped in, the music went dead and people started muttering. I was trying to figure what was happening. Then I saw these older guys in navy vests with the words "Police Department" emblazoned across the back. Felt like a TVB Drama!!

So some of the partners suggested heading down to Dragoneye. We decided to walk down to check it out. BTW, LKF is so not the place to walk around in when you are high and wearing extremely high heels. Thankfully I was not in that position. But the slopes are steep and almost 45 deg, the steps are steep and precarious and there are holes in the ground. In my head, there were 100s of high people tumbling down the stairs.


Day Two

Ah, the fatigue started to hit. EC, JCHM, GTEO and I headed down to Tsim Sha Shui after brekkie. Bought 2 pairs of Nine West shoes =)

EC and JCHM left to catch their flight. GTEO, ever sweet and compliant, went along with my yumcha suggestion. I have to say the food here is extremely oily.

Gina and I went to H&M. Thankfully we learnt a lesson from the day before and decided to start asking for directions a bit more =) And I thought that was an affliction that only affected the male species. Sigh.

We headed down to WTC, where we were told there was some branded goods outlet shopping to be done! Apparently not! Gina was a bit disappointed and I felt a bit bad for her. Especially since I did so much shopping myself!

Later on, we headed down to Pacific Place. Bought myself my wallet. Finally! It's green and it's gorgeous and I love it to bits.

Then I accompanied her for a very average pasta dinner at the basement. Hmm... she wasn't in the mood for HK food and I wasn't too keen to compromise. Later, I met KK and dragged him down for dinner.

So here are the pics! Finally!

ADY's Farewell

It was ADY's last day at work on Friday. As of Friday, he stopped being ADY and being plain old Au Da Yu. For those not in the loop, those are his office initials. Everyone has one. I'm JCYL.

Since he was leaving for a foreign land (London) on Monday, the 3 of us, JCHM, EC and I, assembled a little er, care package, basket of goodies, call it what you will. Forgot to take a picture of the golden box I bought from prints, with the little pink ribbon courtesy of EC (Being Eunice Chew) and we all signed it. But it's what is inside that counts =p

We had the farewell dinner at Wine Garage. We made ADY wave the items in the air proudly. But he had a dour expression the whole time! Save for pic no. 3...

Item No. 1 - Universal Adaptor


Item No. 2 - KY and Pregnancy Test Kit
Yes, he gave us the weirdest dour look when he saw that... Well, we hoped most of the things we bought were useful, save for that one!


Item No. 3 - Condoms

Not his favourite brand anymore. Apparently it's fallen out of favour. But ah well...




We only took a picture of the first appetizer. Good stuff! The terrine was fabulous...



Then there are the girls:











We took a harem shot with ADY, but can't seem to locate it! Some other guys came after, but I think we were too high on wine to bother taking any more pics.

More bbq pics

This is the committee I was working with... There's Stevie and Louis and Jiasheng and Joseph and Joanna and the ever-willing helper, Daniel. I'm going to miss these people when I leave next year. Will never forget these moments. Even the bad ones! haha.



And there's Steve and Louis =)

Things to make me happy

Item No. 1




I wonder if this dress could be incorporated into my DnD theme this coming Saturday. The theme is Cosplay. And I blame Victor Wu Kaixuan. @#$%^


Item No. 2



Yippee, my sis works in a company that owns Prestat!! That means discounted chocolates! Just bought some Earl Grey chocolate wafers that taste really good. Slurp.

That eventful saturday

This is the event I've been planning for for the last few weeks! We fashioned a game based on Settlers of Catan, where teams aim to win resources. They win resources by competing against one another in mini zone challenges. The zone challenges we played were hilarious. One of them was sudoku, another was a game which revolved around catching a shuttlecock with a vanguard hat, another was an eating game (they surprisingly attacked the cucumber with gusto)...

Once the teams earn enough resources, they can build a settlement. Each settlement requires at least 2 ore minerals, wood and brick resources. Each road requires one of each, and a city is defined as 2 settlements separated by 2 roads. Sounds nerdy I know, but heh I thought it was a pretty good idea. And people enjoyed it!!!

I don't actually have pics of people enjoying the game, but here's the board game!



Actually, the Barnabas leaders were surprisingly competitive. Almost scared me at one point when they started to accuse the judges of judging wrongly.

We also had a bbq after that at East Coast Park, and Jiasheng brought his 2 very cute twin nieces. Spent a large part of Saturday night playing with them on scooters. Here's Grace =)






Finally saw some people I haven't met for the last few weeks / months. There's Dickson (he's finally gone into NS and gotten his head shaved). And there's the elusive Steve, who had a really good talk with me on the same thing I discussed with Bipeng. And there's Joelle... had a cosy gossip session with her too. And did a good supper with Steve, Louis and Jiasheng after that at Siglap's very own Mas-ayu =)

Good day.

The Guy

I'm somewhat amused as to how this one person has been avoiding me for some time, especially at group events.

Once upon a time, I was alerted to the fact that something was going on with him. Of course, I had to hear it from my dear friend A. I myself would be too blur to figure it out. At first, I didn't believe it. Then, more and more people would start making jibes. Some made obvious ones. Then I entered into a period in which I tried to avoid eye contact, or tried to walk away whenever he approached. Then he got the hint.

After this period was over, I thought I could become friendlier and more interested, as a friend of course, in his affairs.

Then one day, I got this very disturbing call. It was while I was at Big Fish, with the E4 girls, and he called to tell me something that totally shocked and disgusted me.

Then began the awkward and disconcerting period in which I tried to avoid at all costs. Then he got the hint again. I haven't been friendly to him since.

And he has gotten the hint for good now. We don't talk, we don't even sit around in the same group to talk anymore. Except for one recent phone call in which he called to ask me how I was (which I attribute entirely to friendship). I'm relieved. Amused, but very relieved.

Nostalgia

I'm combing through my old hall pics right now. It's amazing how time changes everything. It felt a lifetime ago. I looked like a whole different person!

I am looking at the pics, looking at all the old faces of people I once knew, of people I still meet up with and how the dynamics have changed - How we got close or grew apart. And there are a couple of people I avoid, for good reason. And I also see people whom I didn't know very well back then, and how I used to think of them in a certain way, and how this has changed so much now that I know the people that they really are. I am also looking at people I have lost touched with, and how it had happened, and I wonder whether I will ever see some of them again. Some of them seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth!

There's Wee How - not so close to him anymore, but he's a great guy and he'll make a great husband to Hazel. It's probably just as well we aren't so close. But I must say I enjoyed the last time we had a good talk while we were doing that Standard Chartered 42.195 run. We had all of 5 hours to catch up=p

There's Willy Foo, there's Xiaoxuan and Beat and Lihui and ... There are a couple of people whose names I won't mention, who purposely made life difficult for others, and there were a couple who raised a ruckus out of nothing and dragged me into it. Ah well, but that's hall. Live and let live. I'm thankful for the friends I've made. Some of them have lasted quite a while. There's my E block girls - really appreciate this friendship that we have.

One thing I can give thanks for - I learnt so many lessons. Living in such close proximity with a myriad of characters makes life interesting.

When I'm bored enough I'll scan some of these pics =)

Mimolette

As much as I want to keep this my very own, I have decided not to be selfish. Plus, the word has been going around already. hahaha.

Went to Mimolette for brunch on Saturday with K. It's a very charming restaurant perched on the top of a short flight of steps overlooking the green. There is lush countryside all around, and for your duration there, you can forget entirely that this is Singapore. There are horses trotting in the far distance... And few people... Lovely. Inside, there are black chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and white wooden chairs and tables covered with white linen... The description doesn't do any justice to what Mimolette actually looks like. It certainly reminded me of the English countryside, albeit miniaturized. It gets 4 thumbs up in my book for ambience =) Definitely a nice brunch place.

I had the french toast and K had the farmer's breakfast. The servings were a tad small, but no complaints with the food! We even had seconds! haha. (He had the very girly apple cupcake =p) Think we spent almost 3 hours there without realizing it. Yup, definitely will have to go again.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons (as I'm typing this out, I'm humming the theme song) is laugh-out-loud hilarious. I was laughing throughout the entire movie. In fact, I would rate it as one of the better movies I've seen this summer season (Priceless doesn't count because it's not a Hollywood blockbuster/commercial movie).

Before watching it, I read the review in NYT done by a Simpsons fan who had watched every single episode in the entire history of Simpsons. He bemoaned the absence of certain key characters. For example, Burns had such a small presence, as did Apu. And Marge's surly sisters. But I can't really fault Matt Groening.

In all, it was a good movie. Very unsubtly, it had pointed a finger at quite a few current issues and he has got his audience laughing at themselves. And I like the little symbolisms that he had scattered throughout (Check out the Reaganesque shot at the beginning of the movie).

I have the next 2 weekends planned back to back already, and I feel exhausted thinking about it. There's drinks with Dayu and colleagues on Friday, since he's leaving. I think I will actually miss having him around. Although I don't talk to him on such a regular basis, he has been a constant presence. Occasionally he veers into my "irritation" zone but most of the time, he has been helpful and even sweet. And I don't think I like change very much. So yes, his presence adds a sort of comforting continuity in the office. His departure is making me think about what I should be doing within the next 2 years. Whither my plans, I know not =)

Then there's that hectic Saturday, which I am working towards. It involves waking up at 7am, leaving the house at 830am, and ending with a BBQ at East Coast Park which should not end before 10pm. I really hope it works out. Things had not been smooth sailing so far. There has been more than the usual friction, and all these undercurrents which I am surprisingly able to detect (I am the worst judge of character and I usually ignore my intuition). But these are people with good intentions. Whether or not things have taken an odd turn, I'm sure it will work out. To digress a bit, I actually had to snap at S on Wednesday night because I wasn't able to get to him. He went on and on and on and didn't listen to what I had to say. Finally I couldn't take it and I snapped at him to get his attention. Later on, I felt really bad about it and text-ed him an apology. But I think, on hindsight, I would still have done the same thing.

Then there's the HK weekend... ... ARRGGGGHHH

I need a break. Now. I need to go somewhere away from the routine. I need to hibernate with one or two good friends in some faraway place. It's escapism in its purest form. Then I wouldn't have to think about what I need to do and the decisions I have to make (the church decisions!)

Surprise Prayer

Hannah's mom called me on Sunday evening to ask how I was doing. I had to explain my predicament and the reasons for doing what I was doing. She was so nice about it. She also offered to pray for me. I was so touched. "How can I bless you?" she asked.

It's been the longest time that I have been asked that question. The idea that someone was eager to bless me really touched me.

TCC

Trinity Christian Centre - that's where I went on Sunday. The praise and worship in the smaller churches never fail to amaze me. And wow me. I have forgotten what it's like to worship God with the feeling that it's just Him and me. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting on a show. In Barnabas Club (sorry, G-Kidz) I am responsible for making sure the kids are alright. And as a leader you are required to clap louder, jump higher, etc. At the youth service, the music is so loud and deafening that I can't hear myself. But at TCC, the songs weren't terribly recent. But it reminded of the good old days when as a young child, I would sing these songs with my mother. I'm a sucker for nostalgia. It is worship such as this that inspires me to sit at my piano and play a worship tune=) I miss it quite a bit. Give me simple worship. I don't ask for drama. I want to go back to basics. So maybe God can shine through a bit more.

I was even more impressed by the sermon. The pastor that week was starting on Haggai, which is a book I didn't bother about much before. I felt so ignorant and foolish. And I came out of the service so much more enlightened at the very end when she went through the context of the book and explained the significance of the temple of God and why it was necessary to rebuild it. Now I know what Karen meant when she said she learnt so much more about the word here. Heck, I really need this sort of education. I don't think I have the time, drive and thirst to listen to sermons outside of church as often as some others do. But I really like the freshness of the sermon.

The church service certainly inspired, but what do I know about the hearts of the people in the church? That is one thing I always admire about the people at FCBC - their hearts of service and their willingness to sacrifice personal time and space to serve others. I obviously cannot comment on the people at TCC. How do I know whether it's a place I can fit in? If there's one thing of concern to me, it's the friends and the comradeship and the family that I'll miss dreadfully.

Ballet Under The Stars (or more commonly referred to as BUTS)

Hahaha.... The acronym for Ballet under the Stars is BUTS. I only found out when the emcee at the event referred to it as such. Later in the night when it started to rain, they said "Now it's more like Ballet Under The Umbrella" (BUTU??)

KK and I hopped down to Parkway where we stocked up on cheeses and dips and chips and bought small bottles of wine. All the necessities for a feel good picnic =) As usual he's super organized and prepared. He brought the cups and the cutlery and the plates and he even brought the very essential umbrella and battery-operated fan! Oh and the very large mat courtesy of the Mini Cooper people.

The ballet was good. I'm not an expert on it, but I was wowed over by the execution, how light the dancers looked and how they never seemed to land but rather floated. We actually went for seconds at Serangoon Gardens after that.

Great night despite the rain =)

Updates on Church 2

I went to Lighthouse on Sunday. This must be the most punctual church I've even been to. I went by myself and I kind of slunked in as unobtrusively as I could at 1112am (the service started at 1115). And almost every seat was filled. This was unusual, considering none of the other services I've been in started on time.

And the praise and worship... wow. It's like praise and worship that I remember fondly from way back in early 2000. They played songs like "Hear O Israel", which I hadn't heard in a long time. It felt warm, comfortable and peaceful. I really really like the worship there. Not too formal, upbeat, unassuming. I really really miss such simple sweet worship. Now strobe lights. No loud drums. No jumping up and down. But this was just... nice. Haha, if I ever join Lighthouse, one of the main reasons would be because of the worship.

I never seem to have the knack to go when there's a good sermon on though. When I went to ARPC, I happened to go when it was "Friendship Day" and they were doing John 3:16. At Lighthouse, the children's service leaders put up a performance. They did a stage presentation of how a lesson was conducted in Sunday School. And the lesson they taught was Faith. Hebrews 11:6 was the main verse for the day. It's about being able to thank God for something that you have not yet received. And yet you are able to thank God because you know His heart and you know His providence. And you also know that even if you don't agree with Him now, you can thank Him because one day, you will be able to understand. I spoke to KK about it in the evening. Today I learnt a grand lesson on faith, which I had always overlooked. I tend to overthink and mull on issues a tad too much. But really, I should leave it all up to Him. All the issues that are plaguing me now are man-made =( Funny how I went in thinking that I would never learn anything from that kiddy presentation and coming up having learnt something profound.

Yes, Lighthouse was good. I think I'll visit again.

Hey There Delilah

Updates

Perhaps an update is in order. I've been visiting a few churches of late. To find out something about myself and to find out more about the God I serve and what it really means to belong to a church. I've been to Wesley, Covenant Evangelical Free Church, and Adam Road Presbytarian Church.

I didn't really like the traditional worship style of Wesley and how it felt so individualistic. People would sit by themselves or with just their other halves. And then they would leave right after. Cell group was an option. No one pushed you to attend. My friend W had been going to Wesley for years without even committing to a cell group and he had no impetus to join one! Same thing went for another friend of mine, before she decided to take that leap of faith.

I really really love CEFC. The message from Nehemiah spoke to me. It's a book I hardly ever touch and I have always dismissed it because I thought there were more important books to read. CEFC is like FCBC circa 2000. The worship is more subdued (but besides CHC, what other church can rival ours in terms of LOUD worship). More subdued but very refreshing. I think it's simple worship that is the most private. No jumping up and down required.

I think I like CEFC because it's like FCBC. I can't get used to ARPC and Wesley because they are so different from this church that I've been in for more than 14 years. 14 YEARS. That's more than half of my life.

But for certain big reasons, I can't go to CEFC. I think I will check out Lighthouse and see where this goes. There are no real plans to move yet. But I don't think I can give as much as FCBC and the leaders are demanding. It can't be ALL my life. God can, but now I feel a bit stifled, because I feel that CHURCH is demanding my 100%, and Church and God feels so separate nowadays. I need to come back to that first love.

Dim Sum Dollies

I better note this down before I forget the euphoria of having watched this pretty phenomenal production. I have been getting jaded with some of the local productions that I have been watching. Sleeping Beauty was a snooze. Blithe Spirit was ok only. Many of the locally written plays are forums to air political views and criticism. There's only so much I can take of that. Granted, they have interesting points of view, but I'm tired of sitting through a play and getting a didactic and pedantic discussion of our political scene.

What made Dim Sum Dollies always an eye opener is how they throw out some of the prejudices that we already have and subvert it. Or how they actually dare to voice some of our hidden thoughts without blushing or being bashful about it. Because, they would say, we are Singaporean and we should learn to embrace our quirks and even oddities. And we need to learn to laugh about ourselves. Selena Tan's writing is hilarious. Pointed and witty and the characters are very endearing.

This time, it was more "Dim Sum Dollies AND Hossan Leong", not "Dim Sum Dollies, featuring Hossan Leong". I love his opening act, where he pops out as a myriad of great conquerors or pioneers, like Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, or Marco Polo, etc., and all of them dismiss the "island of Temasek" one by one for being too small.

I also like the opening of the second half, where all three Dollies are suspended by cables in midair, as Kamikaze pilots who ejected themselves out of the plane and got caught in a tree.

And then there was the blatant advertisement on behalf of Moove media. And Indian man tugging a fuchsia Moove cow with a rope and talking about how "sometimes we hold hands" really hit the right spot.

Oh there was also the song about "Instinctive Lee" and "Clever Lee".

We were sitting right in front, at the extreme end, but the view was still good. I could see every blemish, every detail of their makeup and the fishnet stockings. I could almost catch the actors' eyes. At the very end, like the last Dim Sum Dollies production, we were all given Singapore flags to wave around. My friend didn't wave his. Hossan Leong actually pointed at him until he picked it up and waved it!

Loved it=)

Saturday Section of the Straits Times

I just read the Saturday section of yesterday's papers. And there's this article on a recent operation done by Dr Matthew Cheng on a guy who was paralysed waist down. What they did was to remove the entire lower half of his body, and some of the skin from his thigh was taken to replace the base of his upper torso. Since the lower part of his body is removed, waste disposal takes place on the outside of his body. A custom-made bucket is fitted around his chest. The aorta is clamped and the spinal cord had to be properly sealed so that it would not leak spinal fluid, which would be fatal.

Not many details were given. It was a pictorial description of how the surgery took place. But it stunned me how it was annotated in such a cold, formal, matter of fact way. Of course, I understand that this surgery is a private affair for the man and his family. Details as to how the decision was made, or the repercussions of the surgery Should be hidden from the public eye. But, then numerous questions arose in my head as I pondered about what it meant to lose some of the faculties that one has taken for granted, like excretion (which naturally is done by one's own body) and one's legs (I can't imagine the pain he, as do all amputees, must go through as the body gets accustomed to the loss of limbs).

This is one brave man. I don't know how much I am willing to go through in order to live a longer life.

My Blog

Every time I am tempted to blog nowadays, I can't help thinking exactly who my audience is. I can never tell because no one comments. But every so often I get a random comment about something I say in my blog. Which makes me surprised. Usually it's a neutral surprise, but occasionally it puts me on my guard and makes me wonder how many people actually know what's going on in my life and how much I'm willing to let on.

For now, certain posts will stay just mine. I'm going to dig up my nice diary (courtesy of a shopping spree in Melbourne=)) I'm flipping through it as we speak and it's amazing how some of my thoughts and reactions have stayed the same all these years. Yes, I don't think I've changed much. Many of my sentiments still hold true.

Now only my close friends or people who are curious enough will be privy to certain information.

Uncertainty

All in Your hands.

Lost

@#$%&*

I KEEP LOSING MY CLOTHES!!!! First, my FCUK top, now my Bikini bottom. And my Polo Ralph mini tee!!! Arrgghhhh...........

Sesame Street Test

Your Score: Snuffleupagus

You scored 39% Organization, 55% abstract, and 54% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are somewhat organized, both concrete and abstract, and both introverted and extroverted.

I bet you didn't think you were Snuffleupagus. Let's find out why.

You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Alloyius Snuffleupagus (and all Snuffleupagus') is not sloppy by nature, but he moves so incredibly slowly that it is impossible for him to be totally organized.


You both are about equally concrete and abstract thinkers. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. Snuffy generally has very basic interests, but he explores his abstract sensitive side when he plays his snuffleflute.


You both are somewhat introverted. Originally Snuffleupagus was very shy and was only Big Bird's invisible friend. However as he has aged he has started to build new friendships with new characters. Like Snuffy, you probably like to have some time to yourself. However, you do appreciate spending time with your friends, and you aren't scared of social situations.

The other possible characters are

Oscar the Grouch

Big Bird

Cookie Monster

Ernie

Elmo

Kermit the Frog

Grover

The Count

Guy Smiley

Bert

Hey, don't be a grouch! If you liked the test, let others know by rating it below. Feel free to vote for your favorite character too.

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Song of yore

One of the songs I always associate with RGS. I think it was because it was performed at the RGS opening when I was in Sec One, and that song has stayed with me since then. It's also a childhood song I heard from my dad's cassette tapes (remember those?) back in those good ol' days. And there is this one line that struck me when I heard it on my ipod today:

"Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same."

How true.

Those were the Days

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Lesson of the day

If you can't trace His hand,
Know His heart.

MEGA AID!!!

I thought it was hilarious that Law Soc wanted to give us these...



It's actually suan mei I think, which I don't eat.

Jogging order

Conclusion? There is none. I don't think anything is concluded yet. But no, I am not satisfied with the results. Some things are beyond my control. Even if I could do something about it, pride prevents me from doing anything. The sadness is suspended. I can't bear to resolve it.

The OTHER one is a welcome distraction.

And if you want to know what this is about, ask me. Don't play guessing games by yourself.


On a happier random note, I went jogging on Sunday and I couldn't help but be amused at how all my fellow joggers stayed well on their side of the footpath. No renegade reckless jogger hogging the road.

I think it boils down to the order of society that has been impinged on us. Singaporeans are, on the whole, quite orderly. Or, we are taught to follow what Our Uncle Sam tells us to do. We follow instructions quite well and we are taught to obey the rules. Want Singaporeans to be polite? Start a "Courtesy begins with me" campaign. Want Singaporeans to speak Mandarin? Start a "Speak Mandarin" campaign. Want them to breed more? You can guess what happens next.

I don't think it reflects on how polite we are as a society. It's a mere ability to follow and to execute without that much thinking.

I am too tired to follow this train of thought.

Church pics

Here are pictures taken over the last 3 weekends as photographer at 2 church events. One of them was for the Epic Race. I actually deleted most of them since I passed them to Pastor Jhee, but I couldn't resist keeping some of them because they were hilarious! A bunch of people singing Christmas Carols with gusto in broad daylight on a busy street in the middle of May! That's always funny...







Oh and then they also played the "sandwich game" in Fort Canning:



And these are the happy people pre-sandwich game. One of them is Eunice. =)



Oh that's right, here's a picture of the happy photographers. I was in charge of Fort Canning, Ady was running around City Hall and Matthew was happily stationed at the Christmas Carolling venue - Paragon:




One was for a church children's outing at East Coast Park. Let's just say there were some games that got just a little violent...


And this was the armour of God game - quite inventive I must say.
I thought it was way more fun taking these pics actually because there was a lot of action going on and the kids were spontaneous. It was fun trying to catch the moment on all of their faces.








This picture is hilarious!


And I like how the space is captured here:



And then there are the leaders... don't ask me what Steve and Jit Kiong were doing:




Here are two my dear girls, Adrienne and Marianne!!! If you can't tell by now, they are twins. Their specs match their t-shirts!







Here's Ady and I with the twins and Vera



And here's how stressed Ady looked when she was distributing the prizes to the kids=)

Eusoff Hall

Feeling rather nostalgic. Here's a picture I stole off Ceyu's Friendster site. These are my E Block friends... It was taken shortly after I left hall, so that was before my hectic working days. How I miss those days=)

Birthday Blessings Part II

I don't have pictures! It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't take any pictures this time around!! All I have are memories! Dang.

On Friday, Dad, Mum and Jerrine met me at Ember for the family dinner. I thought Ember would be a change from the usual hotel buffet that we usually go to. I'm actually pretty sick of overstuffing myself. It's decadent and I can't afford to do it anymore. The metabolism has unfortunately slowed down so drastically and the cough is preventing me from exercising.

Ember was great. There was nothing I could fault with the food. The foie gras was a tad small, but for $20, I couldn't really complain. The lamb rack was superb. It was herb-encrusted and had little subtle sweet, sour and salty flavours oozing out at different times. Damnnit, no camera!!! =(

The apple tart was to die for. It was really unusual. The apple chunks were huge, but ever so soft, and they melt in your mouth. My parents opted for the banana tart with lavender ice cream. I didn't dare touch it (my banana phobia), but the rest of the family gave it two thumbs up.

On Saturday, I met some of my hall friends at Clarke Quay. Dear Lihui did the planning and the present buying. Thanks babe!! We went on a crazy eating binge. I felt a little justified binging that day because I had the best 20km run at ECP in the morning. We had Jap ice cream, then we went to Sho-U (It wasn't so great) and then we went to Brewerks for course No. 2=) Yes, my friends can eat. I was a bit horrified at one point. But Sho-U's portions were so unpredictable. There were no main courses. The portions came in varying sizes. Poor Yanxun ordered steamed duck breast, and all he got were 5 small thin slices of meat! We sat in the red room, which was a little round room with carpeted seating running around it and a glass table right in the centre. Actually the food was good and adventurous. I liked my scallops and prawn dish, as well as the squid ring with egg and tempura (heck, I don't even eat squid and egg and I still liked it), but the restaurant was almost empty. That wasn't a good sign...

Yes, it has been an insane but lovely week.

It's all about boundaries. That's what I realise. It's about not knowing how to draw one's boundaries. I thought that was a very good take on the issue.

What Isaiah said made sense. I may not feel particularly close to Him right now. But He is close by. He's in my reactions, in my thoughts, ingrained in my character. So yes, He's there for good now.

Birthday Part II is coming up.

Birthday Blessings

Yes I have been insanely blessed. I want to thank all the people who have made my birthday such a great one. (Haha doesn't this sound like an Oscar thank you speech?)

It started with Saturday night. It's massively decadent to be doing birthday celebrations so way in advance, but I met up with my secondary school friends for a great night out at Brewerks. Hmmm. I think I haven't seen some of them for at least a few months, so it was a good meeting.

On Sunday, my little girls and my co-leader at Sunday School sprang a surprise on me. We had a mat and food spread out all over, with a cake in the centre. I was so touched. They even gave me gifts! I felt bad but so grateful at the same time. Bad because I don't celebrate their birthdays. I usually just get everyone to pray for them. And massively grateful. I didn't know that some of them remember so many details that I've told them about me. They even remember I like dark chocolate or that I like the strawberry meiji chocolate. And they had been planning this at least since last week! These girls have sort of become part of my life in a way. I've been teaching them for 2 over years. Thanks for doing all that, Ady!!!!

And then my cell sisters cut a cake for me too. Again, I didn't expect anything because everyone was so busy this Sunday. Thanks, babes. You have all been so sweet.

Steve, ever the gentleman, sprung for dinner and a movie. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean, which is redeemed by Johnny Depp. I thought it was better than the second one, because my expectations for that movie were quite high after the spectacular first movie. No one else can play the role of Jack Sparrow. Absolutely no one. This movie had its occasional ingenious bits, like having Keith Richards - the inspiration for Johnny Depp's character - play his surly father.

And then there was sweet dear Jessica, my favourite room mate at work. Haha. I've enjoyed sharing the room with her. She knows all my moods and all my likings and pet peeves. And I tell her everything. It's going to be very sad for her to move away to corporate and have to share a room with someone else. Yes, I don't like change. I don't like having to adjust to a new person, especially since I think I've come to know her well and we really get along. Anyway, Jess organised a drinks thingie for me at Superfamous. Yum, bellinis with mini wagyu burgers! Slurp! And the crab cakes! All my favourite girls were there. Thanks babes!!!

She also bought me a surprise from Awfully CHocolate on Wednesday. Thanks Jess, you are the best!

Oh yes, haha... How can I forget Wednesday? Ah yes Wednesday. It will forever be etched into my mind as Lesson 101 of "Learning how to say no", something I've never been too good at. Well, Willy, Weehow, EC and JCHM decided to get me high and merry. Plans to go to Mambo and laugh at people had to be shoved after hordes of people got turned away! Apparently everyone in Singapore had the same plan as us. There were so many people I recognised. Ah well. So back to Butter. 2 vodka redbulls, 1 JUG of vodka cranberry, 1 whiskey dry and 1 glass of champagne. All in the spate of 30 min. Let's just say the night was memorable for the WRONG reason. I was part indignant, part grateful for the treat. And let's just say, these "blessings" didn't stay very long with me.

I was so sick in the morning, that watching tv where characters held wine glasses in their hands made me feel like regurgitating again. Hangover aside, the day was such a good one. Met dear Si, who was my good shopping companion, bought tons and tons... Si has been such a good friend through all my shitty times. We had our problems in the past, as all gd girl friends have to have at some point. Still, throughout, she's one of my most loyal best friends. Thanks for the time babe!!!

I also met P, who treated me to Graze despite his impending exams (which sound really scary). It was a great great dinner=)

And then I had a cake cutting at home. Thanks mum and dad!!! Slurp. Thanks for running down all the way to Taka just to satisfy your greedy daughter's food cravings!!!

There will be a part 2 tomorrow=)

Singapore Slings and Singers that hit the mark

Feeling a little flushed from the two very saccharine sweet drinks I had with D just now. We went to Long Bar. I'm surprised that he actually suggested the place because we've actually never gone drinking together before. Not that I can remember at least. We usually stuck to the tried and true burger joints or coffee haunts.

To be honest, the thing I enjoyed the most were the peanuts. And being able to toss them on the floor. I did it in the most unglam, Singaporean manner. In the "I've never littered in my life and I'm uncomfortable with it since I'm Singaporean" manner. Kind of reminds me of how I couldn't even spit out my gum in Morocco in the countryside because it didn't feel right. It's times like these that I feel absolutely truly Singaporean. Not my proudest patriotic moment.

Another unglam albeit somewhat patriotic moment of the night was my order of the Singapore Sling. I laughed hard when D ordered the strawberry daiquiri. How girly I told him. The Singapore Sling was a tad embarrassing, especially when a whole troop of American tourists sitting behind me (probably a tour group) was happily sipping the same concoction. My drinking of the Singapore Sling was akin to a Parisian proclaiming her love for the Eiffel tower. 'Nuf said.

It was good to hear from him and to hear how his life has been unfolding all these months since we last met. We last talked in February, but it's really different to see him and it made me realise that he has come to a comfortable place in his life, where everything seemed to come together and all was good. It was good to see that he had grown so much over the last year. I felt really happy for him. And it was good to laugh when I aired my gripes and when the band started playing songs that really fit the sentiments I was sharing. It also felt comfortable and warm to share about the things that mattered.

There was a sadness when it ended because I felt that I had stopped still but he had moved on. Last year, we were on the same page somewhat. Hopeful, and wandering, and unsure of what God had in store for us. This year, he had moved one step closer towards certainty. But still I was meandering.

We got more drinks. Now I got the strawberry daiquiri and he got the slightly manlier mojito. And then the tourists took their leave. As I sat there and watched the "satay fans" hanging from the ceiling flip back and forth and watched the band with the forlorn air doing their routine, I couldn't help but wonder whether this feeling would ever go away.

But it was a good night =)

Promises broken and expectations let down.

Sickness sucks

I've just reached the lowest point of the year. I just vomited part of my dinner during one of my coughing spasms. URRRGH.

This is a bad year, health-wise, for me. I've never been so sick since I was what, 12? I had started to take my health for granted. So it is truly a rude shock to see my health going away. And I'm starting to wonder why.

Maybe I have not been exercising as regularly as before, and eating rich food. Or maybe my schedule is becoming more and more hectic. I'm doing later nights, I have busier weekends, I do activities out in the sun very often. When I exercise, I really go all out. But I've always lived by the mantra that we should just push ourselves. Every time we achieve a certain standard, we should reach to achieve just that little bit more. And if I don't exert myself and push myself harder during exercise, I would stagnate. Then where is the fine line between over-exertion and going that extra mile?

This year, I had coughing spasms for 3 weeks in February, followed by food poisoning in April. Then one week later, I had a cough that went on for 3 weeks.

Then just this Wednesday, I got another strain - I had a fever, and then the coughing started again. And then on Friday, I started getting the "running nose".

Today, as I was taking pictures for the event at Fort Canning, I kept getting the worst coughs. It was really scary and I could feel people shying away or tensing up around me. Who can blame them? I'm really a walking social pariah now. Everyone who has been hanging out with me is getting some flu or other.

Twice today, my food coughed itself back up.

God, please let me be well........

Unsatisfied Craving: Chocolate Pecan pie from PS Cafe

Ah yes, the food of my dreams.

Movies to catch

This is the year of the trilogies it seems. And I'm aiming to go through the third instalment of these movies. I've already seen Spiderman 3, however, and it wasn't so hot. Maybe cos I was dead tired that day:

1. Shrek 3
2. Ocean's 13
3. Pirates

I'm also thinking of watch The Simpsons, which is due out this summer. Apart from these, I don't think the other movies are particularly to-die-for. It seems like an uninspired summer where movies just keep getting recycled.

After work activities

It's been a great one and a half weeks. I've managed to run out of the office in good time, to get myself doing things that are usually on done on weekends=)

Since the parents were away, the car was all mine!! I also had a small hiatus in between assignments at work. Haha.

Last Tues, I hopped down to Bukit Timah to meet E at her place and we went running. I ran into the estates where it was hilly, and then I ran out on the main road. And then I ran up the bridges... It was good.

And then Jerrine and I went for prata another day, as we reminesced about our days at Upper Thomson and how we never used to appreciate proximity to all these nice hangout places until we left it for er, Potong Pasir... At least Potong Pasir has got one thing good going for it - proximity to Serangoon Gardens and the Kallang Park Connector, which has almost become my lifeline to fitness.

I also managed to do a gym session on Monday - we went for pilates and then I did an entire hour on the cross-training machine. Thank God for mtv, espn and channelnewsasia, or else I would have died of boredom.

Just yesterday, I rushed off to vivocity for "Priceless". It's a really good movie and man, is Audrey Tatou hot. Just two rows behind me sat Ady, coincidentally. Nowadays my diet plans are being tossed aside. Life is too short. So we decided to binge on good old nachos. (Actually, that day was a scary eating day, so I think I'll hold off on too much rich food for a bit now...)

These were only the weekdays and they were so productive that I almost forgot I had to work=)

"Transferability"

Last night we talked about transferability. A insisted that there was no need to look for that. We already have a perfect love that comes from God. Why mess with the real deal? Why seek to find the ephemeral and the tenuous type that fixates on satisfying one’s own wants and needs? The selfish sort. The sort that easily removes oneself from one and attaches itself readily and easily onto the next.

At first I was the firm defender of the beauty of eros love. And I protested that true eros love does exist and that God can and will make such love beautiful.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realize that such eros love just doesn’t hold out. For all the beautiful stories that we hear, how many more end in heartbreak. Or worse still, how many more end with an “I don’t love you anymore.”

How also does one lose that love so suddenly? How can one trust and rely and depend on this other being, knowing that there is a stark possibility of an “I don’t love you anymore” around the corner.

Every time a couple breaks up, this love they once professed is also easily separated and reattached so easily and so quickly onto the next subject. What about the feelings of the person you once loved? What does one do with all the past memories and feelings and all that love? Does it just disappear? Or does it get transferred onto and vested into the next person?

It all boils down to the selfish nature of man.

At this moment, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.”

Wallet..............

Time to buy a new wallet. My dear brown wallet has officially died. The clasp fell off and I can’t fasten it anymore =( Now I’m thinking very fondly of that nice Mulberry wallet I was eyeing in London. Hmmm…

Neal's Yard - drool

I need to get my hands on some Neal's Yard Remedies face products. I am in love with their Yarrow and Comfrey Moisturiser, which is 1/3 empty since I bought it from London 1.5 months ago. I am also in love with their Witchhazel toner.

However, Neal's Yard Remedies can only be found in UK, I am presently kicking myself in the foot for not buying more to store... Hahaha. Very auntie right?

If anyone is going to London anytime soon, you are going to be my best friend...

Good recommendation Kris!!!

Wakeboarding

This is the year of grand plans, to be good at something. To be Master of something instead of a Jack at all trades. But I find myself doing many many things, instead of just sticking to one. Although, I must say, I am starting to get a bit better at the new interests I am investing in.

Wakeboarding is one of these. I went wakeboarding today. The last time I was in top form. I managed to cross both wakes smoothly finally, and I did one jump.

We started at 8am. 8am means u have to get up really early on a saturday morning, which sucks. But, the water is nice and calm and less polluted. And the sun is not out in its full glory yet.

This time round, I was not at my best. Usually, crossing the right wake should come very naturally. But today, I'm not sure if it's the choppy water (since we were in the open sea), or whether I was obsessing about the technicalities a bit too much and missed the big picture, or whether I was just having a generic "off" day, but I actually tipped forward while crossing the right wake! That's my problem - not leaning backwards enough.

My first run was a disaster. It completely pissed me off.

The second run was so much better. I managed to do a jump again! But I landed very very badly as I was crossing back from the left into the wake. I tipped forward, again, and went SPLAT right into the water face forward. And the board got ripped from my feet. OUCH. It was like having a mini concussion.

Anyway there are things to learn from this lesson:

1. LEAN BACK
2. Learning in choppy water sucks but it's good for u in the long run.
3. Sometimes, the best way of moving from left to right is to move the front toe up and down. But, at all times, the weight should be on the back leg.
4. No matter how much sunblock I use, I will still look like a boiled lobster after 2 hours.

Happy Birthday Dad

Dad's birthday today. Same day as Earth Day =) Usually, close to the actual birthday, we would be discussing where to go for the birthday dinner/lunch. And it has invariably been a buffet for the last few years. This time round, we have already covered most of the better hotel buffets and the nice restaurant ones. At least the ones cheaper than 50=) I've already done the Brazilian place at 6th Avenue, and Melt (which I had been dying to go to and where Dad puked from overeating) I've also done nice Olive Tree, which I wouldn't mind going again to.

Anyway, this time round, I did the organising. It was either MinJiang or Majestic. I couldn't think of anywhere else and frankly, I wasn't particularly inspired by any restaurant right now.

Chubby Hubby's review of Majestic Restaurant won me over.

We went there for dinner tonight. All of us had that Peking duck and wasabi prawn and foie gras starter which was DELECTABLE. The prawn was so crunchy and the touch of mayo coating it was just right. The Foie Gras was slightly cripy from being pan-seared, but it was oozing with oils when I sliced it. YUM.

The lamb was also melt in the mouth. The carrot cake on the side wasn't too dry and it was flavourful. The lamb was surprisingly succulent although it looked quite well done.

The soft shell crab was bathed in a rich chilli sauce with a hint of lime. Hmmm....

As for the dessert, my parents and sister had two dishes of the "Crispy Durian Ice Cream". Even a durian-hater like me could emphathise with why it sounded so irresistible. When it arrived at the table, it was a battered ball of durian paste sitting neatly on a pool of some mango-looking sauce that I could not identify.

That was one really good dinner!!!! Happy birthday Dad!!!

Apollo and Daphne

This story suddenly came to me this evening as one of those random extensions of whatever else I was thinking about.

I remember the story of Apollo and Daphne. It was an Enid Blyton version of the story. When I read it, I was filled with sympathy for Daphne and anger towards Apollo. For this was a testament of how man could cause the destruction of woman. And all that relentless chasing was to no avail. What, I ask, can come out of it? He pursued, and despite her numerous piteous pleas, the goal-oriented man continued to head towards her, with no idea of what she actually wanted, with no idea of what true love entailed.

This is how the pursuit was described on one website:

"She, hating the thought of marriage as a crime, with her beautiful face tinged all over with blushes, threw her arms around her father's neck, and said, "Dearest father, grant me this favour, that I may always remain unmarried, like Diana." He consented, but at the same time said, "Your own face will forbid it."

Apollo loved her, and longed to obtain her; and he who gives oracles to all the world was not wise enough to look into his own fortunes. He saw her hair flung loose over her shoulders, and said, "If so charming, in disorder, what would it be if arranged?" He saw her eyes bright as stars; he saw her lips, and was not satisfied with only seeing them. He admired her hands and arms, naked to the shoulder, and whatever was hidden from view he imagined more beautiful still. He followed her; she fled, swifter than the wind, and delayed not a moment at his entreaties. "Stay," said he, "daughter of Peneus; I am not a foe. Do not fly me as a lamb flies the wolf, or a dove the hawk. It is for love I pursue you. You make me miserable, for fear you should fall and hurt yourself on these stones, and I should be the cause. Pray run slower, and I will follow slower. I am no clown, no rude peasant. Jupiter is my father, and I am lord of Delphos and Tenedos, and know all things, present and future. I am the god of song and the lyre. My arrows fly true to the mark; but, alas! an arrow more fatal than mine has pierced my heart! I am the god of medicine, and know the virtues of all healing plants. Alas! I suffer a malady that no balm. can cure!"

The nymph continued her flight, and left his plea half uttered. And even as she fled she charmed him. The wind blew her garments, and her unbound hair streamed loose behind her. The god grew impatient to find his wooings thrown away, and, sped by Cupid, gained upon her in the race. It was like a hound pursuing a hare, with open jaws ready to seize, while the feebler animal darts forward, slipping from the very grasp. So flew the god and the virgin- he on the wings of love, and she on those of fear. The pursuer is the more rapid, however, and gains upon her, and his panting breath blows upon her hair. Her strength begins to fail, and, ready to sink, she calls upon her father, the river god: "Help me, Peneus! open the earth to enclose me, or change my form, which has brought me into this danger!" Scarcely had she spoken, when a stiffness seized all her limbs; her bosom began to be enclosed in a tender bark; her hair became leaves; her arms became branches; her foot stuck fast in the ground, as a root; her face became a tree-top, retaining nothing of its former self but its beauty, Apollo stood amazed. He touched the stem, and felt the flesh tremble under the new bark. He embraced the branches, and lavished kisses on the wood. The branches shrank from his lips. "Since you cannot be my wife," said he, "you shall assuredly be my tree. I will wear you for my crown; I will decorate with you my harp and my quiver; and when the great Roman conquerors lead up the triumphal pomp to the Capitol, you shall be woven into wreaths for their brows. And, as eternal youth is mine, you also shall be always green, and your leaf know no decay." The nymph, now changed into a Laurel tree, bowed its head in grateful acknowledgment."

I have also always wondered why the women in Greek and Roman mythology were so weak. Look at Psyche, Clytie, Persephone, Io, etc. All weak women with no power over their own destinies. Even the athletic and headstrong independent Daphne ultimately succumbed to becoming an object of desire and lust for ETERNITY by becoming a laurel tree. There was no escape.

But to some extent, I too, let others decide my future and my happiness, don't I? I too carry the mantra of "come what may, what is meant to be will be meant to be". I call it leaving it up to God. Let God decide. And so I will do nothing? Is that the way to interpret God's word? He said not to worry, but did he say "not to do"? Oftentimes, I wonder whether it's a matter of one's own will too. There are other Christians who will rise up to the occasion to create change. They know what they want and they go about taking the steps to execute it. It is something that I, 25-year-old I, have yet been able to do.

I see friends around me who do. And I compare myself with them. I also see how much my life has actually progressed over the last 2 years, and I have to answer "not much". Every day is a day waiting for something more to happen. That cannot be.

Saturday

I just watched Blithe Spirit. It was a hoot. I found out what it was about from P already, so I went in with expectations. But thankfully, I wasn't let down. My mind was wandering a bit at first, but I realised that the fun is in listening out for the reparte between Lim Kay Siu's character and his wives. The script is well done - witty and fast.

However, I think where it failed to be perfect was in the delivery of the lines. Lim Kay Siu and Neo Swee Lin had good lines, but some of the funny bits fly past you because they were delivered so nonchalantly and without much panache. They didn't look too comfortable saying some of the things. And Pam Oei was underutilised here as the domestic servant. Really, she's capable of so much more. But here, as the maid that flits in and out occasionally, she didn't have much opportunity to show off her acting chops. I also don't know why Neo Swee Lin always gets the uptight granny-ish worried roles.

We went to Purvis St for dinner and then later supper. We went to Tong Shui Cafe twice, once for a drink right after dinner and then later for a post-play session. The thick toast with peanut butter was HUGE. RICH AND GOOEY AND THICK AND er, after some time I was massively saturated from it.

And then, E and I went to salsa!!! Haha, it was far less crowded than usual. I expected far more people. But this also meant that the dance floor was nice and empty=) I think that I enjoy the Bachata quite a bit. I'm getting the hang of the dance. Just swivel your hips and sway the rhythm. And always remember to give the ass a final swish at the end of the 4-count bar. I think I can do the dances which require less technical maneuvering and which just requires a lot of booty action=) Yay, I know my strengths.. hahaha.

ok, but the down feeling is still there. Not much I can say without sounding cryptic. But I don't want to say too much either here. I just feel that this is a chapter I have to close and I don't want to.

Post Cheong

It's a very sudden low I'm feeling right now. Right after the high of Friday night. Friday night is something I look forward to every single day of the week. And I savour every single minute of it.

Today I went for my salsa class, after which we went for dinner at this half past six place at Millenia Walk. I can't even remember the name of the restaurant, which was next to Bakerzin. But they offered so many dishes that I felt it couldn't be that good. It was only average. And I didn't finish even half of it.

Later, we went to Jitterbugz for their social dance. Basically it's a dance floor open to people to come to salsa. Peter's friends from 2LeftFeet were there, which was how the plan started in the first place. Boy was it fun. Initially I had no energy... I was completely sapped of all energy, having slept at 230 the night before. But it didn't take long to get totally psyched up. I hadn't social danced for the longest time, and I've forgotten how fun it can be! The guys I danced with were very keen to teach and they were very friendly. And they don't just clique amongst themselves. I didn't know any guys there except Kersley and Peter, but I managed to dance with quite a few=)

Next program of the night was CHEONG AT BUTTER FACTORY. So that was what we did. Again, Eunice and I were just sponging of Peter by going for all his activities with his friends =) By this time, Eunice and I were so totally psyched by the salsa dancing. We could hear the music in our heads... haha. Amazingly, upon reaching, I realised I knew quite a few of the scholars present. Eerie. How ghosts from the past just surface after almost 8 years of having slipped down the surface...

That was one good cheonging session. It helped to see so many familiar faces that I knew, whether it be the law people or the scholars. And dancing with Eunice and Joanne was always fun. And the drinks got me happily merry. Not BAD HIGH. Yes, I think I had a lot of fun.

I left at about 2am. And after supper, I was headed for home.

Haiz. But through it all, there was a certain thought in my mind. Something that I just could not let go. And when I returned home, suddenly this feeling of loss just came flooding back. All I can do right now is to question "why". But I do not know the answer to the question that has been in my head for a long long time. Maybe I never will.

I am resigned to it.

Googling my name

Just for the heck of it, I googled my own name: J____ C___. I figured that the odds of someone googling for me using just "J____ C___" instead of my full name "J____ C___ Y____" was much higher. What came out sure makes me look like one staid boring person, give and take some irrelevant and odd entries.

The first few websites on the list were those that mentioned my contribution to CLAS: Criminal Legal Aid Scheme. Not one of my prouder moments. But ok. It just showed that I represented two people under the scheme. One for culpable homicide and one for drug importation.

The next one was a blog of a much younger namesake, who's 13 and living in Singapore. And her name is spelt in the exact same way. Yucks.

What happened to my 'glammer' contributions, like the Singapore Marathon?

Chocolate

It's high time I had an entry on my all time favourite food - Chocolate. Ok, it's ranked up there with my other favourite food - Tofu. But very rarely do you get the mass nodding of approval and general assent when you tell people that your favourite food is a curdled cube of soy. Yes, very rarely.

This article in NYT caught my eye. It's interesting to chart the rise and the development of what we know as the chocolate dessert. It says that, nowadays, chocolate desserts are increasing its chocolate density and percentage, whereas previously, it would take up only a small portion of the dessert itself. And nowadays, everyone is vying with everyone else to create the perfect, or the most intense, or the darkest, chocolate dessert. And it seems that the method to do so is to add more nuts, more chocolate, more butter. Essentially, MAXIMISE MAXIMISE MAXIMISE.

And how else, besides adding more rich ingredients, would add to the perfect concoction? Try adding the perfect name to it. Think of names that would conjure up sensory overload. Like "Intense", "Indulgence", "Fudge-frosted", "Orgasm", "Chewy Gooey", "Lava"... Get the drift? In fact, I am drooling as I write this.

Yes, now the thought of my mother's gooey, chewy, warm dark chocolate sponge cake oozing melted chocolate chips is popping up in my head now.

ps Check out the article. It's hilarious!

For Your Consideration

Hmmm I went to watch the show For Your Consideration today. It's a postmodern take on reality, and how reality is really a construct.

What started out to be a really bad film which the actors had roles in snowballed into the supposed movie of the year. It's quite funny, really. Quite a refreshing change from the usual Hollywood fare. And it was entertaining trying to identify the various actors who have made appearances in other shows that I've watched. I recognised Amy's weird dad on Everybody loves Raymond, or an actress who appeared on Arrested Development, and then there was environmentalist Ed Bageley Jr. Basically, it was a gathering of some stellar but not prominent actors laughing at the system that is Hollywood. And how, no matter how important the actors think themselves to be, especially while they are winning accolades and rave reviews in the Oscar circuit, they are still bit actors playing a small thankless part in the whole process. No one is indispensable.

I watched it with Jeremy, who had the habit of correcting my English at random points of our night-long conversation. But it was good fun. We went to Father Flanagan's for dinner. I was quite sad to hear that it was closing down on April 21, so I wanted to go one last time as a last Hurrah. Some nice times were spent here. I remember them well. But all good things must come to an end.