Work and Effort

I'm really not very good at the things I'm interested in. I realise that it takes a huge investment of time and effort before I reach the threshold where my rate of improvement starts to accelerate. It usually gets off to a very slow start. And then I either have too little time or I lose interest.

That happened to touch rugby, to netball, to even music and literature, to dance, and I think to acting... There is never enough time to do everything I want to do.

For every attempt at a new avenue, it always takes sheer effort and concentration. Nothing really comes that easily. Either that, or I need to relook my own focus and start measuring it up to the amount of focus that others give to their work or the things to do. I might have been underestimating the amount of effort required at doing things for the last 24 years of my life. And there is always that Eureka moment, the moment when you realise how much effort is actually required. And that is when the sense of awe overcomes you for the first time, when you realise how high the hurdle is. But when the hurdle is crossed, that's when the sense of might and achievement comes.

Disappointment and Hope

I was in a car with my little Barnabas Club(Sunday School) girl Hannah and her brother Timothy. And you can see that this is a family overflowing with love. Such tenderness goes into how their parents converse with their darlings. Such warmth and love in the bodily gestures and the plans they make together. Yes, this is a family with a God in its midst. There is so much hope in the children's future.


This has been the year of disappointing friendships. I can't be the only party trying, initiating all the time. And I'm reminded of how transient everything I have is. There is no firm foundation to rely on. Every other support system will fail at one point of time, even if it is subjectively so. Except God. I can't read minds. Usually I like to sit down and tackle problems on the head. I want to be a kind, understanding friend, but I need to be able to understand first. But if I'm the only one trying here, isn't that saying something?

I'm tired.

Dylan Thomas speaking to me - To Dana Reeve

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.