The kungfu hustle song has been in my head the whole day. Thank God that He has revealed Himself to me in the weirdest ways. Today, the signs were everywhere, from His Grace Cafe to Rose of Sharon, to the displays of Christian books. Just when I needed some semblance of God in my workplace.
Today I was blocking out, not thinking about the things that have plagued my mind. But it still does. And it still stings. Today I wondered why my voice kept getting drowned out. It seems like it's always been that way.
Today, my tendencies for extremities revealed itself once again. I'm getting to know myself just that bit more.
ps. The ice wine on Monday night made me really really happy.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Office Situation
This is the second day that I'm actually back so early from work. Such a rarity to be able to come back, kick off my high heels, slouch on the couch and just NOT DO ANYTHING. No programmes, no agenda. Just being. Thank God for this reprieve, right before Christmas. I had slept at 2am the night before, only to awake at 6am, unable to return back to sleep...
Had a surprisingly good time at Settler's Cafe playing Cranium yesterday, then later at Penny Black. And today I had a pretty relaxed day at the office, the day being occupied largely by seminars, department end-of-year lunch at Marriott and a short typical Thursday tea at 6pm. One thing strikes me as abnormal and slightly disturbing. No one really mixes and mingles at the firm. People sit around in their batches, the year 3s and the year 4s, the lawyers sitting in some close knit teams, the secretaries hanging out in bunches, the pupils are a separate entity altogether. I hate that. I hate the lack of curiosity and the apathy that I'm sensing. There's no interest in seeing how someone is doing, people sit at their tables, eat and then return to work. I suddenly was transported back to the New Paper days, when Melvin Singh would walk by and jest with us and tell us his life stories, how Santokh would tell us about his work and his passions and even his life philosophy. How we would hear the supervisors laughing out loud from their cluster, how people would sit around the cookies and chat in the middle of the day and then break for lunch and how we would be regaled with tales of something stupid that someone else did. Now that was fun.
Does every law firm behave this way? The only other experience I had was in Lee & Lee and I was pretty much left alone too. But back then I was only one of 2 insignificant attachees so I didn't think much of it. Now, I'm officially a member of the firm, but I could go days, even weeks without talking to some people in the firm. I don't even venture into certain parts of the office for days on end. Today I noticed so many faces that I have not seen before. Everyone walks straight with an emotionless face. If anyone were to smile, it would be a tentative one.Most appear deep in thought.
Sure, the pupils are gelling really well. I like them all. And I dare say I get along well with them. But it's not healthy. It's not healthy to bypass people after week 8 and not even exchange a single word with them. How long is this going to continue?
Had a surprisingly good time at Settler's Cafe playing Cranium yesterday, then later at Penny Black. And today I had a pretty relaxed day at the office, the day being occupied largely by seminars, department end-of-year lunch at Marriott and a short typical Thursday tea at 6pm. One thing strikes me as abnormal and slightly disturbing. No one really mixes and mingles at the firm. People sit around in their batches, the year 3s and the year 4s, the lawyers sitting in some close knit teams, the secretaries hanging out in bunches, the pupils are a separate entity altogether. I hate that. I hate the lack of curiosity and the apathy that I'm sensing. There's no interest in seeing how someone is doing, people sit at their tables, eat and then return to work. I suddenly was transported back to the New Paper days, when Melvin Singh would walk by and jest with us and tell us his life stories, how Santokh would tell us about his work and his passions and even his life philosophy. How we would hear the supervisors laughing out loud from their cluster, how people would sit around the cookies and chat in the middle of the day and then break for lunch and how we would be regaled with tales of something stupid that someone else did. Now that was fun.
Does every law firm behave this way? The only other experience I had was in Lee & Lee and I was pretty much left alone too. But back then I was only one of 2 insignificant attachees so I didn't think much of it. Now, I'm officially a member of the firm, but I could go days, even weeks without talking to some people in the firm. I don't even venture into certain parts of the office for days on end. Today I noticed so many faces that I have not seen before. Everyone walks straight with an emotionless face. If anyone were to smile, it would be a tentative one.Most appear deep in thought.
Sure, the pupils are gelling really well. I like them all. And I dare say I get along well with them. But it's not healthy. It's not healthy to bypass people after week 8 and not even exchange a single word with them. How long is this going to continue?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Just visited a website featuring a log cake recipe. It doesn't sound v difficult... it's mainly technique, pertaining to how to lay the different layers, how to roll the cake up, etc. The ingredients shouldn't be too difficult to whip up. It's v tempting to try, but baking it would mean that I'll have to eat most of it, since my family is getting so health conscious and my dad eats like a mouse now. I'm trying to stay away from cake and carbs in general but this is getting harder and harder with the christmas and new year season!
On another note, I just went shopping for a cross pendant. It's not ideal, but the ideal ones cost more than a 100. Jewellery sales abound, but do I really want to spend so much on that? I bought a white plain cross from Mintmark & Co. It's a tad big but it doesn't look as tacky as some of the bling bling rapper accessories that I've come across... I've been looking for one for ages. Why is it so hard to find a nice cheap one? And imagine my indignance when Jerrine proclaimed that she's got quite a few stashed somewhere...
The end of the work week spelled such relief and joy. But although it's saturday night, it's a reminder that tomorrow is the last day of the weekend. And Sundays are not going to be relaxing anymore. I don't know how I can do the "wake up at 645am every Sunday" routine.
On another note, I just went shopping for a cross pendant. It's not ideal, but the ideal ones cost more than a 100. Jewellery sales abound, but do I really want to spend so much on that? I bought a white plain cross from Mintmark & Co. It's a tad big but it doesn't look as tacky as some of the bling bling rapper accessories that I've come across... I've been looking for one for ages. Why is it so hard to find a nice cheap one? And imagine my indignance when Jerrine proclaimed that she's got quite a few stashed somewhere...
The end of the work week spelled such relief and joy. But although it's saturday night, it's a reminder that tomorrow is the last day of the weekend. And Sundays are not going to be relaxing anymore. I don't know how I can do the "wake up at 645am every Sunday" routine.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Back to Work
Dyed my hair aubergine on saturday. Yes, I know it's only an atas term for "brinjal", but "brinjal" doesn't do my hair colour justice. I like to think that the auburn red/purple colour is suited to the christmas occasion... now I only need to wear green and I'm good to go.
I went back to work on Wednesday. Tuesday was spent sleeping the time away, catching up on the sleep I was deprived of all weekend. Granted, it was a very good break after my exams. Managed to do a spot of frivolous shopping and going out and basically having a ball of a time. Many thanks to Adeline for spending the time at home with me. Now is also the time to call the various people I have neglected over the past one month...
Work on Wednesday was surprisingly busy. But I don't feel the trepidation or fear of failure when I get a new piece of work anymore. Thankfully the feeling has come and gone. My senses are still quite sharpened after mugging hard at law for the exams. And I haven't lost it so quickly yet, unlike the last time. Maybe I'm feeling this way because my pupil master is on holiday. The firm is somewhat empty... but in a good way. Everyone is in a better mood now. Less yelling, more smiling, more standing around in corners joking.
The pupils' room is more subdued this time though. I think we are all adjusting to being back at work for good. There is no longer the excuse of a 6 month holiday anymore. We know that this time it is for real. And there are huge pockets of silence where all of us are busy processing, thinking, slogging... No more tossing of paper from one end of the room into the waste paper basket and placing bets. No more stupid riddles. There haven't been suggestions of any mass-pupil dinners yet. I miss some of the pupils who have left for JLC. Things are a tad different now.
On a more positive note, the nice auntie in the pantry still makes the best coffee! The kind with the layer of condensed milk that makes squiggly swirls on the coffee surface... And she digs up the best Marks and Spencer cookies for us! Another positive thing is that I'm actually working in a team on something that I'm getting excited about! Confidentiality aside, maybe this big project will stir up some passion in me for this profession... ... and for the right reasons!
If all fails this week, there is the Christmas lunch on thursday, the half day on Friday and the Christmas weekend!!!
I went back to work on Wednesday. Tuesday was spent sleeping the time away, catching up on the sleep I was deprived of all weekend. Granted, it was a very good break after my exams. Managed to do a spot of frivolous shopping and going out and basically having a ball of a time. Many thanks to Adeline for spending the time at home with me. Now is also the time to call the various people I have neglected over the past one month...
Work on Wednesday was surprisingly busy. But I don't feel the trepidation or fear of failure when I get a new piece of work anymore. Thankfully the feeling has come and gone. My senses are still quite sharpened after mugging hard at law for the exams. And I haven't lost it so quickly yet, unlike the last time. Maybe I'm feeling this way because my pupil master is on holiday. The firm is somewhat empty... but in a good way. Everyone is in a better mood now. Less yelling, more smiling, more standing around in corners joking.
The pupils' room is more subdued this time though. I think we are all adjusting to being back at work for good. There is no longer the excuse of a 6 month holiday anymore. We know that this time it is for real. And there are huge pockets of silence where all of us are busy processing, thinking, slogging... No more tossing of paper from one end of the room into the waste paper basket and placing bets. No more stupid riddles. There haven't been suggestions of any mass-pupil dinners yet. I miss some of the pupils who have left for JLC. Things are a tad different now.
On a more positive note, the nice auntie in the pantry still makes the best coffee! The kind with the layer of condensed milk that makes squiggly swirls on the coffee surface... And she digs up the best Marks and Spencer cookies for us! Another positive thing is that I'm actually working in a team on something that I'm getting excited about! Confidentiality aside, maybe this big project will stir up some passion in me for this profession... ... and for the right reasons!
If all fails this week, there is the Christmas lunch on thursday, the half day on Friday and the Christmas weekend!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
oi sleeping beauty
caught Oi Sleeping Beauty on saturday, and Rent during the exam week. I think I prefer the latter, but I feel bad that the response for the latter was so lacklustre. It was at less than 50% attendance on that Wednesday night. Considering it was only in Singapore for a week, it was such a shame. I was upgraded to the few 15 rows and the view was SPECTACULAR.
The cast took some time to warm up. Every performer derives energy from the audience so that was understandable, but they got into the momentum really quickly. I loved the chorus which chimed the "Christimas time" jingle. And the lesbian performer monologue. And 525,600 minutes. And "Won't you Like My Candle". The main actor, Roger, was refreshing in his cute nerd persona. The choreography was seamless. I love the musicals which don't require the use of dialogue without music. There was a musical theme running through the 3 hr musical. It was great. Next musical to watch: West Side Story...
Oi Sleeping Beauty started out well... but it was odd that the Sleeping Beauty storyline ended at the intermission and we wondered what was to come. Turns out that there was another National Education swipe at the PAP and the government and Singapore in general. Just like the Dim Sum Dollies. Funny as the jokes were, it got too draggy at the end. And it was disheartening that most of the interaction with the audience was with the Caucasian kids in the front few rows. Where is the Singaporean contribution???
The cast took some time to warm up. Every performer derives energy from the audience so that was understandable, but they got into the momentum really quickly. I loved the chorus which chimed the "Christimas time" jingle. And the lesbian performer monologue. And 525,600 minutes. And "Won't you Like My Candle". The main actor, Roger, was refreshing in his cute nerd persona. The choreography was seamless. I love the musicals which don't require the use of dialogue without music. There was a musical theme running through the 3 hr musical. It was great. Next musical to watch: West Side Story...
Oi Sleeping Beauty started out well... but it was odd that the Sleeping Beauty storyline ended at the intermission and we wondered what was to come. Turns out that there was another National Education swipe at the PAP and the government and Singapore in general. Just like the Dim Sum Dollies. Funny as the jokes were, it got too draggy at the end. And it was disheartening that most of the interaction with the audience was with the Caucasian kids in the front few rows. Where is the Singaporean contribution???
Monday, December 12, 2005
Post exams
Many interesting things happened during the exam period... I'm busy surfing, watching tv, msn-ing as I type.
My family left for a 2 week sojourn in Las Vegas... without me for once. When they first left, the house was quiet. Too quiet. The silence was too loud. Far too loud. I could hear myself think too clearly.
Exams:
I took the cab twice to Victoria School for exams... On both occasions, I was in a Christian driver's cab. The first time, I had hopped on after wrangling the cab back from someone who tried to cut the queue. I basically yelled my head off at him in indignance, only to come in to find verses staring me from all directions. Then I felt bad. But it was comforting to regain peace before I entered the exam hall.
I don't think the exams went as well as it could have. But I don't think the odds of me failing are that high... It's taking sheer effort to think positive about going back to work. But I'll have to try. The day is fast approaching and I'm actually scared. Too many fears are coming to the fore.. and the more I think about it the more fearful I am about how my walk with God will be and how I will juggle my time. Free time is so so precious. Prioritising is an issue I'll have to deal with. And I'm not very good at it.
Marathon:
Before the marathon on Sunday, I was actually sick. My nose started to run and I had the worst appetite. But at that point, there was no way I could give up. I would have spent the whole year kicking myself.
We went to marche to carbo load... That was a great time to eat tons of rosti and bread and baked potato...
On sunday itself, I met up with Zach and located Weehow in the crowd after looking for him for ages. It was a great start. It was cool and everyone was hyped up. We passed some very interesting runners, like the 2 bra-wearing Breast Cancer Foundation advocates, who joked around with us for a bit. Or the man who wrote "Even wise men seek Jesus" on his back(we had to run right behind him and peer closely at his back before we got the handwriting). Then there was the awful spectator, the man who said "Hey it's not big walk, it's a marathon".
At about the 10km mark, I turned around and couldn't find zach. So wee how and I went on. Must say that he's a gentleman. He won't throw the bottles at the side of the road like everyone else. He'd finish it and then look around for a dustbin. And he would thank every supporter at the side of the road. I don't think this is an OBS-Instructor trained type of enthusiasm. But he's a sincere guy and I must say I learnt quite a bit from him.
I lost him at about the 34 km mark after his leg cramped up a bit. Then I went on... I think I was really on a roll.. felt really good and hyper throughout the run. And then, at the 37 km mark, an excruciating pain suddenly shot up my ankle. I had to half limp and half drag myself for about 4 km. It was at the last km that I decided to abandon all inhibitions and just go for it... Did it in 5h23 min!!!
I haven't done any exercise since then. My leg hurt and my cold hit me with full force after that. But I don't regret it ONE BIT... Maybe I'll do it again next yr!!
Big Move:
yup the church finally moved... Expo was bustling on sunday. City harvest was in hall 8 and 9. We were in hall 9 and 10. It was very very surreal. Haha... I have to admit that city harvest people are more spiffily dressed. And they are ON THE BALL. Their service starts way later than ours, but by 830, they were forming long lines outside their hall making their way in slowly and surely. As for our church members? They were more disparate and scattered. It made me feel bad.
Adeline and I were so stoned the whole weekend! I think we stayed up all night crapping, such that Sunday just went by in a blur. Both of us moving in auto mode. None of us really thinking or caring how we looked. In this church friend's words, we "looked horrible". I hope other sundays won't be so tiring. After that, we went to HK cafe and then met up with weiqing at my house to go to Serangoon Gardens for ANOTHER MEAL... Must say that the post-exams plans went really really well... Couldn't meet up with everyone, but I'll be spacing it out!!
My family left for a 2 week sojourn in Las Vegas... without me for once. When they first left, the house was quiet. Too quiet. The silence was too loud. Far too loud. I could hear myself think too clearly.
Exams:
I took the cab twice to Victoria School for exams... On both occasions, I was in a Christian driver's cab. The first time, I had hopped on after wrangling the cab back from someone who tried to cut the queue. I basically yelled my head off at him in indignance, only to come in to find verses staring me from all directions. Then I felt bad. But it was comforting to regain peace before I entered the exam hall.
I don't think the exams went as well as it could have. But I don't think the odds of me failing are that high... It's taking sheer effort to think positive about going back to work. But I'll have to try. The day is fast approaching and I'm actually scared. Too many fears are coming to the fore.. and the more I think about it the more fearful I am about how my walk with God will be and how I will juggle my time. Free time is so so precious. Prioritising is an issue I'll have to deal with. And I'm not very good at it.
Marathon:
Before the marathon on Sunday, I was actually sick. My nose started to run and I had the worst appetite. But at that point, there was no way I could give up. I would have spent the whole year kicking myself.
We went to marche to carbo load... That was a great time to eat tons of rosti and bread and baked potato...
On sunday itself, I met up with Zach and located Weehow in the crowd after looking for him for ages. It was a great start. It was cool and everyone was hyped up. We passed some very interesting runners, like the 2 bra-wearing Breast Cancer Foundation advocates, who joked around with us for a bit. Or the man who wrote "Even wise men seek Jesus" on his back(we had to run right behind him and peer closely at his back before we got the handwriting). Then there was the awful spectator, the man who said "Hey it's not big walk, it's a marathon".
At about the 10km mark, I turned around and couldn't find zach. So wee how and I went on. Must say that he's a gentleman. He won't throw the bottles at the side of the road like everyone else. He'd finish it and then look around for a dustbin. And he would thank every supporter at the side of the road. I don't think this is an OBS-Instructor trained type of enthusiasm. But he's a sincere guy and I must say I learnt quite a bit from him.
I lost him at about the 34 km mark after his leg cramped up a bit. Then I went on... I think I was really on a roll.. felt really good and hyper throughout the run. And then, at the 37 km mark, an excruciating pain suddenly shot up my ankle. I had to half limp and half drag myself for about 4 km. It was at the last km that I decided to abandon all inhibitions and just go for it... Did it in 5h23 min!!!
I haven't done any exercise since then. My leg hurt and my cold hit me with full force after that. But I don't regret it ONE BIT... Maybe I'll do it again next yr!!
Big Move:
yup the church finally moved... Expo was bustling on sunday. City harvest was in hall 8 and 9. We were in hall 9 and 10. It was very very surreal. Haha... I have to admit that city harvest people are more spiffily dressed. And they are ON THE BALL. Their service starts way later than ours, but by 830, they were forming long lines outside their hall making their way in slowly and surely. As for our church members? They were more disparate and scattered. It made me feel bad.
Adeline and I were so stoned the whole weekend! I think we stayed up all night crapping, such that Sunday just went by in a blur. Both of us moving in auto mode. None of us really thinking or caring how we looked. In this church friend's words, we "looked horrible". I hope other sundays won't be so tiring. After that, we went to HK cafe and then met up with weiqing at my house to go to Serangoon Gardens for ANOTHER MEAL... Must say that the post-exams plans went really really well... Couldn't meet up with everyone, but I'll be spacing it out!!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Mugging keeps me in a very dull passive mode. I breathe, eat, sleep law. I don't think about anything else, except for the times when I seek divine intervention... Everthing else stands still or takes a back seat until I'm ready to face them again. Mealtimes out of the library are my only reprieve. Usually I'm fuelled by the idea that once the exams end, I'll be setting off for some exotic locale. Well, not this time!!! The parents and the sister are doing the setting off without me. This time, I'll be looking forward to returning to A&G... Woohoo!
It's not normal that I am thinking of returning to the firm as the end of life as I know it. It's like a death knell. Walking the green mile. I'm usually optimistic. Why am I feeling so much inertia and fear at this new chapter? Shouldn't I be feeling excited instead?
At the same time as these, came some doubts. Some personal doubts independent of my career woes. I can't dispel it. I hate having them. And it makes me numb. And it makes me question my God and what He has planned for me. And it makes me hate myself.
It's not normal that I am thinking of returning to the firm as the end of life as I know it. It's like a death knell. Walking the green mile. I'm usually optimistic. Why am I feeling so much inertia and fear at this new chapter? Shouldn't I be feeling excited instead?
At the same time as these, came some doubts. Some personal doubts independent of my career woes. I can't dispel it. I hate having them. And it makes me numb. And it makes me question my God and what He has planned for me. And it makes me hate myself.
Trishaw Uncle
Walking towards the bus stop at Macpherson, I took my usual route, which meant crossing a small lane where the famous prawn noodle shop was and towards the little mama shop on the other side of the street. It was raining and I had my umbrella. Just then, the usual neighbourhood trishaw rider trundled down the road.
I've always seen him around, a grey-haired tanned man - not skinny, usual sized, v well-groomed with gelled back hair, with a gentlemanly air and a comb stuck at the back of his pants. He doesn't look like the typical trishaw-riding uncle, with his rather stately air. He pedals this bicycle with a slow purposeful momentum, and on other days, I catch him making small-talk with the womenfolk who ride home from the market. Today he's wearing a transparent raincoat, and no one seems interested in riding his trishaw. For some reason, this chance meeting made me pause, more so than when we usually cross paths. How many clients does he get in a day? This is a well-groomed, refined-looking man who I can imagine sitting in a room discussing calligraphy and books. And then I started to wonder about his background - Is this a hobby? Is this a much-needed job? Do his children support him? What is behind this face that I often see?
I've always seen him around, a grey-haired tanned man - not skinny, usual sized, v well-groomed with gelled back hair, with a gentlemanly air and a comb stuck at the back of his pants. He doesn't look like the typical trishaw-riding uncle, with his rather stately air. He pedals this bicycle with a slow purposeful momentum, and on other days, I catch him making small-talk with the womenfolk who ride home from the market. Today he's wearing a transparent raincoat, and no one seems interested in riding his trishaw. For some reason, this chance meeting made me pause, more so than when we usually cross paths. How many clients does he get in a day? This is a well-groomed, refined-looking man who I can imagine sitting in a room discussing calligraphy and books. And then I started to wonder about his background - Is this a hobby? Is this a much-needed job? Do his children support him? What is behind this face that I often see?
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Salsa!!!
Heh I was a bit tentative when P asked me to go to Union Square... Every salsa enthusiast has waxed lyrical about the club and how it's a great place to schmooze and pick up some dance skills. But that's exactly why I was hesitant. It's been wat, 5 months since I last danced? And the last time I did it was in a crowded dance floor full of sweaty hot people in Chinatown... haha
Ok I'm not giving Xenbar enough credit, but I don't think it's a good place to get a gd grasp of the dance. It's like an SDU hangout full of older people and hardly any space to try anything new. Plus, there isn't anyone to really guide you properly.
Union Square was really fun! Headed down with P and managed to drag Serene there... We arrived pretty early at about 9ish. The place looks slightly bengish, and the music wasn't really that hot. Salsa music has so much potential to be sizzling, but somehow I didn't get the hot vibe in the place. Nonetheless, the dancers made up for it in full... Watching the women twirl and the men gyrate, my gosh, they are all so good! And there are so many different styles.. completely mind-boggling. I didn't dare step out until I mentally practised some of the basic moves first. Then I danced with some very obliging and ACCOMMODATING guys. ACCOMMODATING is the key word here, cos they are nice enough to stoop to my level... haha. And usually, when I have finished my turn with them, I would later observe them dancing very expertly with someone else, wondering why I never saw them display the same sizzling moves when they were dancing with me... hahahaha. A truly cringe-worthy moment.
BUT, it's still fun!!!! I picked up some stuff, and now I realise how important a good partner can be! Some of them do it so effortlessly that it doesn't matter whether u've tried the move before. You can just move with the flow. I saw a couple of familiar faces, but that's about it. MUST PICK UP SALSA AGAIN!!!!!!
Ok I'm not giving Xenbar enough credit, but I don't think it's a good place to get a gd grasp of the dance. It's like an SDU hangout full of older people and hardly any space to try anything new. Plus, there isn't anyone to really guide you properly.
Union Square was really fun! Headed down with P and managed to drag Serene there... We arrived pretty early at about 9ish. The place looks slightly bengish, and the music wasn't really that hot. Salsa music has so much potential to be sizzling, but somehow I didn't get the hot vibe in the place. Nonetheless, the dancers made up for it in full... Watching the women twirl and the men gyrate, my gosh, they are all so good! And there are so many different styles.. completely mind-boggling. I didn't dare step out until I mentally practised some of the basic moves first. Then I danced with some very obliging and ACCOMMODATING guys. ACCOMMODATING is the key word here, cos they are nice enough to stoop to my level... haha. And usually, when I have finished my turn with them, I would later observe them dancing very expertly with someone else, wondering why I never saw them display the same sizzling moves when they were dancing with me... hahahaha. A truly cringe-worthy moment.
BUT, it's still fun!!!! I picked up some stuff, and now I realise how important a good partner can be! Some of them do it so effortlessly that it doesn't matter whether u've tried the move before. You can just move with the flow. I saw a couple of familiar faces, but that's about it. MUST PICK UP SALSA AGAIN!!!!!!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Insomnia
I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning in my bed all night. Trying to get into a settled calm state. Failing miserably. My mind is racing with plans for tomorrow, and the stress of wanting to wake up at 5am the next day to train. 30km to go and no sleep yet. I can feel the seconds racing away in my quest to find rest. How ironic.
I'm Jesslyn and I'm an Insomniac. Lately I only sleep when it comes naturally to me, around 4am. I know I have to sleep when the words on my book become hazy and I cannot concentrate. I don't usually switch off the lights and wait for sleep to befall. Until today.
I can't sleep. There are many reasons why... The day's events have been racing through my mind. Thoughts of the conversations that have happened today. Trying to analyse why exactly my sister and I always fight. It's sometimes me... And it's sometimes her, even if she may insist otherwise. Why do we always drive each other crazy? The memory of her voice makes me so incensed I feel like throwing something against the wall. It's this deep anger, this raging wrath at the thought of the many many times that I simply cannot quell. Every time I try to be rational and cool-headed, she will misunderstand my 'calm' and it will backfire on me. Every time she says something, it will just sound like a provocation and it'll pique me further. There doesn't seem to be room for compromise. And this bugs me. It's the layers of history that we share... and the underlying similarities and differences of our makeup. The conversations just run on and on like on shuffle mode. Each time I get angry again. I'm so tired.
I can't sleep, guilty because I haven't been spending time at home. I'm always on the go, doing something. When I'm home, my thoughts are far away. I get distracted. Are my priorities wrong? I think I'm being selfish. But how much of my self should I give? I have been impervious and probably cold to the people who love me. But I rarely notice it until it's too late.
I can't sleep because I'm trying to make a decision. It seems trivial, but I need to know how much of a repercussion it has on my relationship with God. Am I feeling guilty because it really impacts my ability to obey Him? Or am I succumbing because someone is trying to make me feel obligated to go?
Am I also drifting away from this God who has been so good to me? I was just flipping the recent issue of TIME and my eye caught this pic of a woman who has just passed away, eaten by AIDS and tuberculosis, her eyes half open and her head caressed by a relative. Her son is staring down at this worn, weatherbeaten face, once familiar and yet foreign because she is no longer there. My priorities have been so screwed. Where is God in the midst of such poverty, disease and evil? I want to believe. But it's so easy for me to believe because the world I know is good. People are beautiful, healthy, rich, smart... Things are going so well for me. This woman and her son are from another universe.
I can't sleep because I feel stressed. The exams are looming and I have no clue where to start. Forming an exam timetable in my head and mentally crossing out dates where I'll be occupied. I have a children's church encounter camp one weekend, cell group on thursdays, lindy hop on tuesdays, training for the marathon...
I'm Jesslyn and I'm an Insomniac. Lately I only sleep when it comes naturally to me, around 4am. I know I have to sleep when the words on my book become hazy and I cannot concentrate. I don't usually switch off the lights and wait for sleep to befall. Until today.
I can't sleep. There are many reasons why... The day's events have been racing through my mind. Thoughts of the conversations that have happened today. Trying to analyse why exactly my sister and I always fight. It's sometimes me... And it's sometimes her, even if she may insist otherwise. Why do we always drive each other crazy? The memory of her voice makes me so incensed I feel like throwing something against the wall. It's this deep anger, this raging wrath at the thought of the many many times that I simply cannot quell. Every time I try to be rational and cool-headed, she will misunderstand my 'calm' and it will backfire on me. Every time she says something, it will just sound like a provocation and it'll pique me further. There doesn't seem to be room for compromise. And this bugs me. It's the layers of history that we share... and the underlying similarities and differences of our makeup. The conversations just run on and on like on shuffle mode. Each time I get angry again. I'm so tired.
I can't sleep, guilty because I haven't been spending time at home. I'm always on the go, doing something. When I'm home, my thoughts are far away. I get distracted. Are my priorities wrong? I think I'm being selfish. But how much of my self should I give? I have been impervious and probably cold to the people who love me. But I rarely notice it until it's too late.
I can't sleep because I'm trying to make a decision. It seems trivial, but I need to know how much of a repercussion it has on my relationship with God. Am I feeling guilty because it really impacts my ability to obey Him? Or am I succumbing because someone is trying to make me feel obligated to go?
Am I also drifting away from this God who has been so good to me? I was just flipping the recent issue of TIME and my eye caught this pic of a woman who has just passed away, eaten by AIDS and tuberculosis, her eyes half open and her head caressed by a relative. Her son is staring down at this worn, weatherbeaten face, once familiar and yet foreign because she is no longer there. My priorities have been so screwed. Where is God in the midst of such poverty, disease and evil? I want to believe. But it's so easy for me to believe because the world I know is good. People are beautiful, healthy, rich, smart... Things are going so well for me. This woman and her son are from another universe.
I can't sleep because I feel stressed. The exams are looming and I have no clue where to start. Forming an exam timetable in my head and mentally crossing out dates where I'll be occupied. I have a children's church encounter camp one weekend, cell group on thursdays, lindy hop on tuesdays, training for the marathon...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Pics
We are trying to look pissed.. but apparently I only look sleepy. Watch choi put on her 'teacher is angry' face.
OK, we are finally looking normal after doing some random stupid things. Like this:
We are pretending to admire the scenery...I'm really putting these pics up because I just uploaded like 5 months worth of pics from my SD card... And I just found out that half my Europe pics are missing, cos they are in another SD card which has been misplaced!! It's somewhere in my sister's room, or so my dad reckons. And it's pissing me off a tad...
More pics!!!
These are my Sec 4 classmates. We just had a reunion recently and we realised how much we are all still the same people. At 16, some aspects of your character are already entrenched. I wonder what I'd be like if I were in another school. I like the person I have become, although there are so many things I would change. I didn't think that I would be this way when I'm 23. I thought I would be... wiser? More mature? More confident? But overall, yup, I think I'm satisfied.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Dick Lee's concert, photo exhibits, etc
Just got back from the Dick Lee concert. It's refreshing to watch a 50 year old man prance and perform with so much spunk and energy. And it's uplifting to know there's a 14 year old boy named Nathan who could be our answer to Buble and Cullum. His voice is silky smooth and deep. Or maybe it's just the song. Who could do Fly Me To The Moon badly? But darn, so many good lookers in the artistic circuit are gay! haha...
I decided to walk from Botanic Gardens to Orchard to run an errand and I passed the photo exhibit planted along the pedestrian walk. I wanted to just walk straight for efficiency's sake, but after some time, I just couldn't resist. These were pictures of large land masses featuring natural formations lilke hills, vistas, fjords, valleys, rivers, as well as cities... It was just so gorgeous. One picture featured a city that was cut off from the rest of the world. It was an overhead shot of a very abandoned, isolated brown mass of sand and stone. Cut off from the world - no water, electricity, even the people were missing... Other pictures featured the natural beauty of Iceland, Algeria, Jordan... There was a picture of a single acacia tree in the middle of a very parched desert, with cracks forming outward from the acacia, the dry ground being so baked that you could imagine the roots cracking into the hard ground, splitting it apart. Which was going to win, root or earth, I wondered. I wanted to be THERE, right where all the picture was taken. I have to go back and take a very slow stroll along the pedestrian walk again, to admire them once more.
I don't really understand why some of my friendships are so tenuous. Initially, it was on the cusp of something new and nice, some new level of understanding, then suddenly, all conversation stops! The person suddenly faded from my routine, to my great consternation. It seems that suddenly you realise that you didn't have very much in common after all. Either that, or the formation of what you thought was friendship wasn't friendship after all, but mere convenience. And then the person just becomes another once-friendly face. It's crazy. Is gossip the reason? Is it the speculation of others? I also wonder why I'm so bothered about this. I need to know.
I decided to walk from Botanic Gardens to Orchard to run an errand and I passed the photo exhibit planted along the pedestrian walk. I wanted to just walk straight for efficiency's sake, but after some time, I just couldn't resist. These were pictures of large land masses featuring natural formations lilke hills, vistas, fjords, valleys, rivers, as well as cities... It was just so gorgeous. One picture featured a city that was cut off from the rest of the world. It was an overhead shot of a very abandoned, isolated brown mass of sand and stone. Cut off from the world - no water, electricity, even the people were missing... Other pictures featured the natural beauty of Iceland, Algeria, Jordan... There was a picture of a single acacia tree in the middle of a very parched desert, with cracks forming outward from the acacia, the dry ground being so baked that you could imagine the roots cracking into the hard ground, splitting it apart. Which was going to win, root or earth, I wondered. I wanted to be THERE, right where all the picture was taken. I have to go back and take a very slow stroll along the pedestrian walk again, to admire them once more.
I don't really understand why some of my friendships are so tenuous. Initially, it was on the cusp of something new and nice, some new level of understanding, then suddenly, all conversation stops! The person suddenly faded from my routine, to my great consternation. It seems that suddenly you realise that you didn't have very much in common after all. Either that, or the formation of what you thought was friendship wasn't friendship after all, but mere convenience. And then the person just becomes another once-friendly face. It's crazy. Is gossip the reason? Is it the speculation of others? I also wonder why I'm so bothered about this. I need to know.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Musings and pics
Just some random pics of the stuff I've been doing the past few weeks...
Here's David, a pretty good food companion and occasional sparklers playmate!!! We are indulging in some good old Carl's Junior's here...
I took this pic of David... quite arty huh? haha.And this is what we are talking about!! Not a normal sized burger mind you... I feel quite proud to have finished that!!!
I had the guacamole cheese burger and we shared the chilli fries. It really brings back memories of the chilli fries I had so many times during the San Fran-Lake Tahoe holiday I took a few years back... The chilli fries reminds me of the very same dish I had on the Lake Tahoe Sierra Nevada ski slopes, which reminds me of the skiing I did that clear splendid day... which reminds me of the rush I got when I zoomed down the slope(beginner slope but still considered a slope la)...mmmmmmmmm.....
Here are a few hall friends and I at the Hill Bistro on Mt Faber, after which we adjourned to Altivo's. It's a tad anti-climax. We had such high expectations and the food was average, considering the steep prices. But the company was good and the view quite lovely. We really don't get to meet up much, and sometimes I feel the friendships slipping away slowly but surely. And that's sad. Anyway, this is one of the nights where we got to hang out, drink margaritas, people watch...
And here is an edudine shot with some of the law girls... I had to rush off for my sister's birthday party right after this, but this is one of the happier times of the night, right before we had some of the really bad food! Chilli oil was served and labelled as tom yum, for one thing. And they had bits of uncooked limp chicken floating in an oily curry. Urrgh.
As I'm rifling through my old pics online, I come across this pic of my old hall room, only to realise in my greatest horror that my pride and joy, the 2000 Gore v Bush poster, which I plucked from Capitol Hill, Washington during the election protests, has gone missing!!!! Bruddy hell, where the @#$%%$#@&* is it???!!!
See, it's right behind to a very unflattering me. See how nice it looks. WHERE CAN IT BE??!! I am always looking for stuff... Bugger, must go and find it. Time to sleuth around for it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Random
I just spent 2 productive days churning out tutorial after tutorial and my Professional Responsiblity assignment. The first draft of the latter is done, and frankly, usually I can't be bothered so much after the first draft. It feels as though the burden of my shoulders is lifted and I'll start to slide into celebratory mood. Hehe, hopefully, this means that my Wednesday is now free and I can go out and enjoy myself without worrying too much!!! It also means that Lindy Hop will be that much stress-free for me!
The weekend that flew by was rather memorable too. Spent it in the company of people that I care about. Surrounded by different groups of people that I don't always get to meet. Went for a Japanese buffet at Siglap called Igen. Suffice it to say that I walked in with an empty stomach and came out bursting at the seams. It was a tad sickening towards the end because I could feel the MSG clogging my throat. And yes, whatever weight lost in the 27km run has already been put back on. Later, I headed to Timbre where all I did was down glass after glass of H2O. But the place reminded me so much of that little cafe in Prague, surrounded by high yellow walls and an al fresco setting with overhanging trees. The cafe where we sought refuge because we were similarly parched.
On Sunday, I met up with my secondary school friends. It's been so long since I met up with some of them! Haha, thanks to Jessica, we got hooked on what we call "tikam". Remember those machines with the coin slots, and when you twist the handle, out comes a small egg-shaped container. As you eagerly retrieve it, you pry it open with your fingers, all the while peering through the plastic to snatch a peek of your prized find. I got a great kick out of the Nightmare Before Christmas slot machine. There's a little character keychain placed inside a tin-coffin. I got the dog. But I didn't like it, so I exchanged it with Yingjie, who got one of the skeleton characters whose name I simply cannot remember. So much so for luck of the draw huh.
The weekend that flew by was rather memorable too. Spent it in the company of people that I care about. Surrounded by different groups of people that I don't always get to meet. Went for a Japanese buffet at Siglap called Igen. Suffice it to say that I walked in with an empty stomach and came out bursting at the seams. It was a tad sickening towards the end because I could feel the MSG clogging my throat. And yes, whatever weight lost in the 27km run has already been put back on. Later, I headed to Timbre where all I did was down glass after glass of H2O. But the place reminded me so much of that little cafe in Prague, surrounded by high yellow walls and an al fresco setting with overhanging trees. The cafe where we sought refuge because we were similarly parched.
On Sunday, I met up with my secondary school friends. It's been so long since I met up with some of them! Haha, thanks to Jessica, we got hooked on what we call "tikam". Remember those machines with the coin slots, and when you twist the handle, out comes a small egg-shaped container. As you eagerly retrieve it, you pry it open with your fingers, all the while peering through the plastic to snatch a peek of your prized find. I got a great kick out of the Nightmare Before Christmas slot machine. There's a little character keychain placed inside a tin-coffin. I got the dog. But I didn't like it, so I exchanged it with Yingjie, who got one of the skeleton characters whose name I simply cannot remember. So much so for luck of the draw huh.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Charleston and Cheonging for the Marathon
Two of my extracurricular activities during PLC - Lindy hopping and Marathon training... Don't think I set out specifically to do them. They just came on a whim, after some people asked me whether I was interested.
Lindy hop was originally an afterthought. I would have continued with salsa intermediate stage, but I thought, what the heck, let's give lindy hop a chance. While it's not as scintillating as salsa - no suggestive hip thrusting or inappropriate hand grazing - it's actually more fun! I like the speed, the quick rhythms and the fast twirls. And all that bobbing to the music. It's exhilarating. It's a fantastic workout, although, inappropriate hand grazing may occur by accident occasionally still.. haha(BUT the people here are very unassuming... no posers as far as I can tell!) I think I'll try to take up intermediate lindy hop when this beginner's class is over. It's addictive. Now that we are learning more steps, it's getting more and more fun. The guys don't get it good, because they have to lead, but I realise that it's difficult to respond to the guy's leading too because you have to interpret what they are trying to do. Very often I catch myself doing a wrong twirl when the guy's intention is to do a Charleston... Also, the force that the guy exerts in pushing and twirling you vary from person to person, but it's the ones with more expertise that push you with more gumption, that create that momentum and rush.
Marathon training, what can I say. I always start off the runs by carbo-loading. And my runs are getting earlier and earlier, because I'm trying to increase the distance. Thankfully today's run went really well, although my stomach was churning badly for some reason. I decided to continue running as long as possible without stopping, becuase stopping would make my stomach churn even more obviously. Thank God then, because my timing today was great! I ran from home all the way to the Amber Road entrance to ECP(which I calculated to be 7km on streetdirectory.com). Then I ran to Fort Road along the ECP, and then I did an about turn and jogged to the Safra Resort at Tanah Merah and back. It was about 27km in all and I did it in 3.5hrs. What spurred me on was a fellow marathoner, whom I met as I passed the golf course. I'm so glad to have met him, because he made me realise how much more I have to improve before the big day!!! And because he paced me, I ran more consistently and quickly. And at least there was a source of distraction, away from thoughts of giving up.. haha.
This guy is really inspiring. He's probably about 50 something and he's already done 37 marathons, the last of which was the one in Paris in April! I mean, this guy really goes around the world participating in these races. He is American-Chinese, runs about 3 times a week, and he's got NO FAT on his body at all. I want to look like that when I'm 50!!! Charles, as he introduced himself, gave me valuable pointers on how to go about my training. The next time round, I shall try to do multiple sprints instead and see how that affects my timing. He's right that it probably boils down to the last 10km. It's the last 10 that freaks me out, because I'm usually so tired by the time I finish my twenty something runs. Today, at the end, I was already cramping up.
On a side note, I went to Little India for French food at the French Stall... The food was only so-so, but afterwards, David and I headed down to the Deepavali Bazaar to check it out. We bought sparklers to relive our childhood memories... Hahahaha. Then we went to some grassy patch at a void deck to play with them. We constructed some little nice bonfires full of sparklers! That was really really fun. Such spontaneous moments don't always come around, but it's because they are rare that they become so memorable.
Lindy hop was originally an afterthought. I would have continued with salsa intermediate stage, but I thought, what the heck, let's give lindy hop a chance. While it's not as scintillating as salsa - no suggestive hip thrusting or inappropriate hand grazing - it's actually more fun! I like the speed, the quick rhythms and the fast twirls. And all that bobbing to the music. It's exhilarating. It's a fantastic workout, although, inappropriate hand grazing may occur by accident occasionally still.. haha(BUT the people here are very unassuming... no posers as far as I can tell!) I think I'll try to take up intermediate lindy hop when this beginner's class is over. It's addictive. Now that we are learning more steps, it's getting more and more fun. The guys don't get it good, because they have to lead, but I realise that it's difficult to respond to the guy's leading too because you have to interpret what they are trying to do. Very often I catch myself doing a wrong twirl when the guy's intention is to do a Charleston... Also, the force that the guy exerts in pushing and twirling you vary from person to person, but it's the ones with more expertise that push you with more gumption, that create that momentum and rush.
Marathon training, what can I say. I always start off the runs by carbo-loading. And my runs are getting earlier and earlier, because I'm trying to increase the distance. Thankfully today's run went really well, although my stomach was churning badly for some reason. I decided to continue running as long as possible without stopping, becuase stopping would make my stomach churn even more obviously. Thank God then, because my timing today was great! I ran from home all the way to the Amber Road entrance to ECP(which I calculated to be 7km on streetdirectory.com). Then I ran to Fort Road along the ECP, and then I did an about turn and jogged to the Safra Resort at Tanah Merah and back. It was about 27km in all and I did it in 3.5hrs. What spurred me on was a fellow marathoner, whom I met as I passed the golf course. I'm so glad to have met him, because he made me realise how much more I have to improve before the big day!!! And because he paced me, I ran more consistently and quickly. And at least there was a source of distraction, away from thoughts of giving up.. haha.
This guy is really inspiring. He's probably about 50 something and he's already done 37 marathons, the last of which was the one in Paris in April! I mean, this guy really goes around the world participating in these races. He is American-Chinese, runs about 3 times a week, and he's got NO FAT on his body at all. I want to look like that when I'm 50!!! Charles, as he introduced himself, gave me valuable pointers on how to go about my training. The next time round, I shall try to do multiple sprints instead and see how that affects my timing. He's right that it probably boils down to the last 10km. It's the last 10 that freaks me out, because I'm usually so tired by the time I finish my twenty something runs. Today, at the end, I was already cramping up.
On a side note, I went to Little India for French food at the French Stall... The food was only so-so, but afterwards, David and I headed down to the Deepavali Bazaar to check it out. We bought sparklers to relive our childhood memories... Hahahaha. Then we went to some grassy patch at a void deck to play with them. We constructed some little nice bonfires full of sparklers! That was really really fun. Such spontaneous moments don't always come around, but it's because they are rare that they become so memorable.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Panic
How do I describe the panic rising from my gut when I realise that what I've been working towards for 4 years is perhaps not what I want after all? And how do I even attempt to define myself in a different way from how I've perceived myself the last 4 years?
Being a lawyer has always been the end goal, but not an end goal that fills me with passion or joy. But this has not really bugged me till lately. Till PLC. PLC - The dreaded acronym. During PLC I've learnt how to write countless letters, I've learnt countless procedures and provisions and procedural laws, but what do I glean from it? It's a process that leads up to the culmination in May - when I can finally become a full-fledged lawyer. But is this what I am really driven to do? Already I know that I won't be practising for the rest of my life. Law has always been my default choice, but more and more, I see myself thinking, analysing and behaving like what a lawyer should be. I have become ingrained into the culture. Already I find myself becoming more superficial, more image and brand conscious. Call that part of growing up and entering the workforce, but I think it affects lawyers more than other professions.
Today, as my tutor was speaking of how law was not his original choice, and how the life of a lawyer is really tough, of how little and precious yr private time to yourself becomes, it suddenly dawned on me that I'm wasting my time here. I really don't want to be a lawyer. I just don't know what else to do. What other avenues are open to me???
I can't even define this dissatisfaction with law. I just know that in my gut, deep down somewhere, I'm uneasy and unsettled. I cannot settle or feel at peace with myself as some of my peers are about being a lawyer. I know many who are resigned, who know there is nothing else that they can do well, so why bother. But I need the passion to keep going forward, otherwise what else is there besides a machine?
And God does not speak. Or at least, maybe I'm just not hungry enough to hear from Him. Maybe I'm spiritually dull. I am experiencing a sense of apathy, of not caring what will happen, of willing away the days and not being bothered about it. Isn't it ironic to be so disturbed about ennui and not being able to rise up and make some changes?
Being a lawyer has always been the end goal, but not an end goal that fills me with passion or joy. But this has not really bugged me till lately. Till PLC. PLC - The dreaded acronym. During PLC I've learnt how to write countless letters, I've learnt countless procedures and provisions and procedural laws, but what do I glean from it? It's a process that leads up to the culmination in May - when I can finally become a full-fledged lawyer. But is this what I am really driven to do? Already I know that I won't be practising for the rest of my life. Law has always been my default choice, but more and more, I see myself thinking, analysing and behaving like what a lawyer should be. I have become ingrained into the culture. Already I find myself becoming more superficial, more image and brand conscious. Call that part of growing up and entering the workforce, but I think it affects lawyers more than other professions.
Today, as my tutor was speaking of how law was not his original choice, and how the life of a lawyer is really tough, of how little and precious yr private time to yourself becomes, it suddenly dawned on me that I'm wasting my time here. I really don't want to be a lawyer. I just don't know what else to do. What other avenues are open to me???
I can't even define this dissatisfaction with law. I just know that in my gut, deep down somewhere, I'm uneasy and unsettled. I cannot settle or feel at peace with myself as some of my peers are about being a lawyer. I know many who are resigned, who know there is nothing else that they can do well, so why bother. But I need the passion to keep going forward, otherwise what else is there besides a machine?
And God does not speak. Or at least, maybe I'm just not hungry enough to hear from Him. Maybe I'm spiritually dull. I am experiencing a sense of apathy, of not caring what will happen, of willing away the days and not being bothered about it. Isn't it ironic to be so disturbed about ennui and not being able to rise up and make some changes?
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Edudine is OVER
Finally, Edudine is over. I don't feel that relieved about it though. In fact, it sort of spells the end of PLC as I know it and the start of the blasted exam period. Interestingly, quite a few people are traveling now because tutorials are going to come to an end soon. But for once, I won't be the jet-setter. My tickets have drizzled to an end and I don't have the cash for it.
Anyway, I won't digress. Out of all 3 edudines I attended, I particularly enjoyed the first and this last one. I didn't care too much about the second one. I kept looking at my watch, willing the event to end asap because I had to rush home for J's birthday party. And the food was bad and the company rather wanting.
This time, I actually enjoyed engaging the people at my table. The lawyers were quite amusing. One of them was Ian de Vaz from Wong Partnership. He kept issuing namecards and joking that if we ever lost our jobs, he would be ready to welcome us with open arms.. haha. The other lawyer was young and very sweet and it turns out she's already a mother of a 17month old kid. Freak. I was sitting on the more interesting side of the table. For once. All this while, it seems that the interesting conversation always takes place somewhere else, whereas I'd always get stuck making the awkward small talk and not having my heart in it. But this time, I actually had a pretty good time!
A few of us headed down to Post Bar later. It was basically the girls, and one guy.. haha. Priya got picked up by this older man... and we kept smirking like mad as he approached her. Well it was a fun night. Tomorrow, I have to work off the alcohol and the nuts!!!
Anyway, I won't digress. Out of all 3 edudines I attended, I particularly enjoyed the first and this last one. I didn't care too much about the second one. I kept looking at my watch, willing the event to end asap because I had to rush home for J's birthday party. And the food was bad and the company rather wanting.
This time, I actually enjoyed engaging the people at my table. The lawyers were quite amusing. One of them was Ian de Vaz from Wong Partnership. He kept issuing namecards and joking that if we ever lost our jobs, he would be ready to welcome us with open arms.. haha. The other lawyer was young and very sweet and it turns out she's already a mother of a 17month old kid. Freak. I was sitting on the more interesting side of the table. For once. All this while, it seems that the interesting conversation always takes place somewhere else, whereas I'd always get stuck making the awkward small talk and not having my heart in it. But this time, I actually had a pretty good time!
A few of us headed down to Post Bar later. It was basically the girls, and one guy.. haha. Priya got picked up by this older man... and we kept smirking like mad as he approached her. Well it was a fun night. Tomorrow, I have to work off the alcohol and the nuts!!!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Orwellian Singapore
This is an excerpt from CNN. We are really such a joke.
SINGAPORE (AP) -- Singapore's government urged drivers to apologize for "errors of judgment" on the road and wave to fellow motorists, in its latest behavior modification campaign rolled out Thursday.
"If you do make an error of judgment on the road, a simple apologetic wave on your part will go a long way to defuse the situation and avoid confrontation," said Ho Peng Kee, the country's senior minister of state for law.
"Singapore roads need not be stressful if we all drive with consideration, with care, with courtesy in mind," he said.
Ho said the "Singapore Road Wave" would be incorporated into the annual road courtesy campaign.
Around half a million leaflets with road safety messages will be distributed as part of the promotion, he said.
And there's road courtesy for children too.
"A story book entitled 'James and the Big Red Car,' which highlights the importance of child seats, will be relaunched to incorporate road courtesy messages at the back of the book," Ho said.
Singapore, a tiny, wealthy city-state, is well-known for its campaigns to modify behavior. Among its efforts have been campaigns to teach Singaporeans to speak English properly, to show people how to be more romantic, and to flush public toilets.
Critics have denounced the numerous promotions of morality as Orwellian and condescending toward citizens.
SINGAPORE (AP) -- Singapore's government urged drivers to apologize for "errors of judgment" on the road and wave to fellow motorists, in its latest behavior modification campaign rolled out Thursday.
"If you do make an error of judgment on the road, a simple apologetic wave on your part will go a long way to defuse the situation and avoid confrontation," said Ho Peng Kee, the country's senior minister of state for law.
"Singapore roads need not be stressful if we all drive with consideration, with care, with courtesy in mind," he said.
Ho said the "Singapore Road Wave" would be incorporated into the annual road courtesy campaign.
Around half a million leaflets with road safety messages will be distributed as part of the promotion, he said.
And there's road courtesy for children too.
"A story book entitled 'James and the Big Red Car,' which highlights the importance of child seats, will be relaunched to incorporate road courtesy messages at the back of the book," Ho said.
Singapore, a tiny, wealthy city-state, is well-known for its campaigns to modify behavior. Among its efforts have been campaigns to teach Singaporeans to speak English properly, to show people how to be more romantic, and to flush public toilets.
Critics have denounced the numerous promotions of morality as Orwellian and condescending toward citizens.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Crisis
I'm going through this quarter life crisis now... What should I do with my life, what's wrong with my life, what I should do to revamp it, is this the life that I want for myself, blah blah blah. Funny that the person you always wanted to be when you were young isn't exactly how you would turn out when you've become that coveted age. At 23, I don't think I feel like the person I should have become, the person I thought I would be when I was younger. I thought I would be more confident, but I'm not. I thought I would be more streetwise than this. I thought I would carry myself better. Fat chance.
But then again, I haven't really thanked God for all the other attributes He's lavished on me. I don't think I have a crappy personality, I am able to actually enjoy the simple things in life, like good weather, running, food, etc. I have passions (even if they come and go).
Maybe it's only because the grass is greener on the other side. And maybe because I'm not leaving enough up to Him. But there's a balance to be tread between relying on Him too much, not trying to throw yourself out into the deep waters, and trying to wrestle God to the ground to get what you want. And there's also the idea that I have to figure out just what I want with my life, in order to feel so strongly about it to want to throw myself into those deep waters. I'm only making sense to myself at this point, but I think this is the perennial question that every 23-year-old would ask at some point. Quiet time has only thrown up so much.
The fact that I'm panicking about returning to the firm should be an indication that my calling is not in the legal fraternity. The fact that my heart plummets to the ground when I realise I'm less than 2 months away from selling my soul again... But where else should I go? Am I the only one feeling this way? I wish I had the guts to check out early, but I don't want to quit without running the whole course. At least, at the end, I can say that that is DEFINITELY not for me. But I can't do it yet. I'll be selling myself short.
But then again, I haven't really thanked God for all the other attributes He's lavished on me. I don't think I have a crappy personality, I am able to actually enjoy the simple things in life, like good weather, running, food, etc. I have passions (even if they come and go).
Maybe it's only because the grass is greener on the other side. And maybe because I'm not leaving enough up to Him. But there's a balance to be tread between relying on Him too much, not trying to throw yourself out into the deep waters, and trying to wrestle God to the ground to get what you want. And there's also the idea that I have to figure out just what I want with my life, in order to feel so strongly about it to want to throw myself into those deep waters. I'm only making sense to myself at this point, but I think this is the perennial question that every 23-year-old would ask at some point. Quiet time has only thrown up so much.
The fact that I'm panicking about returning to the firm should be an indication that my calling is not in the legal fraternity. The fact that my heart plummets to the ground when I realise I'm less than 2 months away from selling my soul again... But where else should I go? Am I the only one feeling this way? I wish I had the guts to check out early, but I don't want to quit without running the whole course. At least, at the end, I can say that that is DEFINITELY not for me. But I can't do it yet. I'll be selling myself short.
Dreams and more
I had the weirdest dream this afternoon. I have to take down, or else it will fade as we speak. There was once, I woke up with a very vivid and disturbing dream. And the more I tried to recap it, the more it slipped from my fingers. I get such a helpless defeated feeling when my dreams suddenly disappear into thin air, maybe because they feel very personal. Plus, it's interesting to dissect dreams to decipher if they give you a glimpse into something that you haven't been able to work out when you are lucid.
My dream in the afternoon was about New York. I was in New York, with my dad. And we were headed for ground zero. Just as I hopped into the cab, I noticed that he disappeared. But I figured he was around the corner, so I waited for the cab to crawl a little distance before I got out. There was an interruption in my train of thought as I saw the price on the taxi meter, stating that it was 8 freaking bucks for such a short ride down the small road. Try as I could, I couldn't find my dad anywhere at all. He didn't even respond to any phone calls. As I trekked up and down, I started to recognise quite a few faces... faces that I've seen in school before, faces that I once knew, especially the ones from hall, but they were faces that have disappeared from my life for quite a while now. I probably wouldn't even think of them usually. It was at the moment when I want to head a different direction to look for my dad, after talking to Elliot(a hall friend) that I woke up with a start. It was a very unsatisfying dream, a feeling of complete failure. But it's the shitty dreams that make you happy to be awake.
And then there are those dreams that make you so happy when you are immersed in it. But when you awake from that tranquil slumber, you realise with a start that you are back in the real world. Now that's depressing. I've had so many of those. Maybe it's a sign that I have to take some things into my hands, instead of letting God make fate and letting fate change things. I react to my environment more than I let up. This feeling of being out of control has been happening for too long. But what can I do about it?
My dream in the afternoon was about New York. I was in New York, with my dad. And we were headed for ground zero. Just as I hopped into the cab, I noticed that he disappeared. But I figured he was around the corner, so I waited for the cab to crawl a little distance before I got out. There was an interruption in my train of thought as I saw the price on the taxi meter, stating that it was 8 freaking bucks for such a short ride down the small road. Try as I could, I couldn't find my dad anywhere at all. He didn't even respond to any phone calls. As I trekked up and down, I started to recognise quite a few faces... faces that I've seen in school before, faces that I once knew, especially the ones from hall, but they were faces that have disappeared from my life for quite a while now. I probably wouldn't even think of them usually. It was at the moment when I want to head a different direction to look for my dad, after talking to Elliot(a hall friend) that I woke up with a start. It was a very unsatisfying dream, a feeling of complete failure. But it's the shitty dreams that make you happy to be awake.
And then there are those dreams that make you so happy when you are immersed in it. But when you awake from that tranquil slumber, you realise with a start that you are back in the real world. Now that's depressing. I've had so many of those. Maybe it's a sign that I have to take some things into my hands, instead of letting God make fate and letting fate change things. I react to my environment more than I let up. This feeling of being out of control has been happening for too long. But what can I do about it?
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Bali Bombings
The creepy thing is that I remember that Raja's restaurant in downtown Kuta so distinctly. I remember passing the restaurant and perusing its menu. That was the point when we decided that it was expensive and we moved on to a similar establishment a few doors away. They cater mainly to the expatriate crowd, selling Caucasian-ised versions of local food and burgers, steaks and salads. And beer. Lots of beer. Water droplets spritze from vents in the ceiling to lend some coolness to the hot humid Bali weather. I also remember the various clothing shops down the strip at downtown Kuta. It's a very small road. Shops are stacked close to each other. But the square is one of the most populated places at any time of day.
I also remember Jimbaran, where we had the overpriced and overrated seafood. But the ambience was beautiful. Chairs and tables planted on the sand and overlooking the beautiful waves. But the waves were loud and tended to drown out conversation. I also can remember the conversations all of us had that balmy night. I think it was a Thursday. And we later walked down the beach to walk off that seafood dinner.
Bali was a disaster. I had diarrhoea, we missed our flight, we got threatened by a shopkeeper... But it still doesn't deserve this. The poor people just keep getting poorer. Now I recognise and know a few faces there, like Din the guy who taught me surfing, and his 'pimp'. Or the random people who sold me things or who made small talk. I wonder what has happened to them?
I also remember Jimbaran, where we had the overpriced and overrated seafood. But the ambience was beautiful. Chairs and tables planted on the sand and overlooking the beautiful waves. But the waves were loud and tended to drown out conversation. I also can remember the conversations all of us had that balmy night. I think it was a Thursday. And we later walked down the beach to walk off that seafood dinner.
Bali was a disaster. I had diarrhoea, we missed our flight, we got threatened by a shopkeeper... But it still doesn't deserve this. The poor people just keep getting poorer. Now I recognise and know a few faces there, like Din the guy who taught me surfing, and his 'pimp'. Or the random people who sold me things or who made small talk. I wonder what has happened to them?
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Inniskillin Wine
I'm so craving Inniskillin ice wine now. It's thick, sweet and runs down the throat like sweet nectar. Ok, I'm probably exaggerating, but it's seriously good stuff.
Must get my hands on some ice wine soon... Why must it be so expensive???
Must get my hands on some ice wine soon... Why must it be so expensive???
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Food shows
I’m such a sucker for food documentaries and shows featuring celebrity chefs. Presently I’m watching Nigella as I am typing. And it’s making me drool non-stop. Even though I just went to Blooie’s. Even though I just had a whole bowl of fruit. And this is despite the flu that is threatening…
Nigella is preparing some cold soba noodles now. And it’s mixed with spring onions and sesame seeds. That’s the thing. Everything she makes looks deceptively simple, so much so you think you can manage it yourself. And once you open your horizons to the possibility of making the dish yourself, you can’t stop thinking about it, till you actually try the recipe out. Arrggh. I will have cold soba noodles on my mind for a very long time. Now she is making a meringue dessert involving fresh raspberries and tons of egg white whisking. This is doable too. Thankfully fresh raspberries are less attainable, what with the cost and the lack of gourmet cold storages in town. And thankfully I’m not so much of a meringue fan. Otherwise, I’m marching myself into a Jason’s and making me some of that tomorrow… Oh man, as I speak, she is pouring in shavings of dark chocolate and thick cocoa. I must move away from the TV.
Nigella isn’t even my favourite chef. I like Jamie Oliver too. He’s endearing, in a messy boyish way. He concocts some honestly disturbing dishes sometimes. Fruit and chocolate don’t always go well… But other than the occasional faux pas, he’s pretty good with his use of herbs. And he makes the most use of the grill. It makes me one to go out, buy a grill and grill me some garlic bread and steak. NOW. Slurp. Jamie Oliver has a way with shops. Before he starts the actual cooking, he’d go buy his ingredients. He’d step into the most delightful chocolate shop, where they actually bother to distinguish between the fine Valhornas and the shabbier cooking cocoa, where they present them in thick industrial bars, and they discuss the different purities and percentages with such precision that it makes you want to go to the store and peruse each shelf. The cheese shops he visits are also tempting. Especially when they mix some cheese on the spot. Haiz.
Anthony Bourdain… This is one man I admire. I like his wit(or at least, the wit that his persona on tv has) I understand that this wit is the culmination of many a witty comedic writer, but the whole show is delivered with panache. And a passion for good food, whether cheap or fine. This is one skinny man, but he seems to be able to go on and on and on… … I take my hat off to him. I really loved the episodes where he visits the places I've already visited myself, like the Taukiji fish market in Tokyo, the random tapas bars in Barcelona, and even the bars in New York.
I'm not so much a Chinese food fan, so no Martin Yan for me. Plus, I think part of the lure is the novelty. I get to see my mum cook anytime I want. I don't need to watch Martin Yan play with his knives.
Nigella is preparing some cold soba noodles now. And it’s mixed with spring onions and sesame seeds. That’s the thing. Everything she makes looks deceptively simple, so much so you think you can manage it yourself. And once you open your horizons to the possibility of making the dish yourself, you can’t stop thinking about it, till you actually try the recipe out. Arrggh. I will have cold soba noodles on my mind for a very long time. Now she is making a meringue dessert involving fresh raspberries and tons of egg white whisking. This is doable too. Thankfully fresh raspberries are less attainable, what with the cost and the lack of gourmet cold storages in town. And thankfully I’m not so much of a meringue fan. Otherwise, I’m marching myself into a Jason’s and making me some of that tomorrow… Oh man, as I speak, she is pouring in shavings of dark chocolate and thick cocoa. I must move away from the TV.
Nigella isn’t even my favourite chef. I like Jamie Oliver too. He’s endearing, in a messy boyish way. He concocts some honestly disturbing dishes sometimes. Fruit and chocolate don’t always go well… But other than the occasional faux pas, he’s pretty good with his use of herbs. And he makes the most use of the grill. It makes me one to go out, buy a grill and grill me some garlic bread and steak. NOW. Slurp. Jamie Oliver has a way with shops. Before he starts the actual cooking, he’d go buy his ingredients. He’d step into the most delightful chocolate shop, where they actually bother to distinguish between the fine Valhornas and the shabbier cooking cocoa, where they present them in thick industrial bars, and they discuss the different purities and percentages with such precision that it makes you want to go to the store and peruse each shelf. The cheese shops he visits are also tempting. Especially when they mix some cheese on the spot. Haiz.
Anthony Bourdain… This is one man I admire. I like his wit(or at least, the wit that his persona on tv has) I understand that this wit is the culmination of many a witty comedic writer, but the whole show is delivered with panache. And a passion for good food, whether cheap or fine. This is one skinny man, but he seems to be able to go on and on and on… … I take my hat off to him. I really loved the episodes where he visits the places I've already visited myself, like the Taukiji fish market in Tokyo, the random tapas bars in Barcelona, and even the bars in New York.
I'm not so much a Chinese food fan, so no Martin Yan for me. Plus, I think part of the lure is the novelty. I get to see my mum cook anytime I want. I don't need to watch Martin Yan play with his knives.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Busy day
It's been a heck of a tiring day. Woke up after 5 hrs of sleep to go jogging at ECP. I went jogging a total of 20km, twice along the length of ECP. Then I rushed home, changed, mailed my mentor, rushed down to Orchard to meet my sister for girls' bonding session... We went to Marmalade Pantry, and then we walked the WHOLE of Far East Plaza. And Taka. Then I rushed home, changed my shoes and went back to Plaza Sing to meet Zach for dinner and then together, we met up with Choi Ying for Lindy hop at YMCA. It doesn't sound like a lot, but I'm dead beat...
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Lost!!!
| Charlie You scored 65% kindness, 39% courage, 47% seedy past, and 58% secretiveness! |
| "Hmm. You are Charlie. More specifically, you are Charlie when he was still dealing with his heroin addiction. You're a kind person, but your seedy past and intense secretiveness are hurting you. You're not one of the bravest guys on the island, but you will defend what is closest to you without fail. You'll be okay in the end because let's not forget, you're a bloody rock god! |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Which Lost Character Are You Test written by ack_attack on OkCupid Free Online Dating |
DON'T WATCH NIGHTWATCH
Nightwatch is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I am kicking myself for wasting 2 perfectly good hours on a Friday night watching it. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but constantly throughout the show, I was either laughing or looking at my watch or looking at the EXIT sign very longingly. And fyi, it was supposed to be a HORROR show. Normally, horror movies scare me to bits. But the fact that I could be bored and even incredulous was testament to how bad it can get.
It is about the battle between light and dark, except it's not so much a morality divide between the two. They just happen to be on two opposing teams. And people are given the choice as to which team they prefer to be on. There are men who are called Others, who can see the forces at work. The dark forces are run by vampires. The light are run by the Nightwatchers.
The first scene featured these 2 Viking-looking armies, togged in mail and armour and riding horses, standing at a bridge, ready for battle. There was a voiceover of how the battles of yore took place, but that nowadays, no longer did the two armies fight, but that people were given the choice to choose which team to follow. Fast forward to the present in Moscow. A man who had recently been cuckolded by his wife decides to seek revenge by engaging a voodoo-ist, except that she was a croaky-voiced Russian woman. Turns out he was an Other, and he chose the side of the Light. At this point, none of us knew what was going on still. The movie is hazy, the pacing bad, and random characters are introduced intermittently with no real purpose for the plot. Hello, what was the point of introducing Olga the Owl, who later metamorphosed into a woman. She wasn't even present in the second half of the movie. And she didn't help him rid the world of the Vortex, which signifies that the battle of light and dark would start again. Also, what was the point of featuring the Tiger and Bear(2 Nightwatchers) suddenly making out??? And there is this weird truck that keeps zooming from point A to B in the attempt to help the protaganist... and it operates on rocket fuel apparently, because jet streams keep shooting out from the exhaust pipes! Add to that the disturbing dramatic music that plays nonstop, even when there is no need to create any climax. Oh, and the vortex is a woman who is cursed and she signifies the start of death and destruction in the world. That one was a total let-down, a very very anti-climax moment.
I feel like puking just thinking about the movie. The music was bad, the pacing was bad, the directing was shitty and the acting was so OTT. The people were ugly, the characters were useless... how did it even get out from Russia? Aren't the Russians embarrassed to be seen producing some crap like that??? I need some cake now to comfort myself... The only light at the end of the dark tunnel(pun intended) was that we could jibe about the movie and ridicule it to no end.
It is about the battle between light and dark, except it's not so much a morality divide between the two. They just happen to be on two opposing teams. And people are given the choice as to which team they prefer to be on. There are men who are called Others, who can see the forces at work. The dark forces are run by vampires. The light are run by the Nightwatchers.
The first scene featured these 2 Viking-looking armies, togged in mail and armour and riding horses, standing at a bridge, ready for battle. There was a voiceover of how the battles of yore took place, but that nowadays, no longer did the two armies fight, but that people were given the choice to choose which team to follow. Fast forward to the present in Moscow. A man who had recently been cuckolded by his wife decides to seek revenge by engaging a voodoo-ist, except that she was a croaky-voiced Russian woman. Turns out he was an Other, and he chose the side of the Light. At this point, none of us knew what was going on still. The movie is hazy, the pacing bad, and random characters are introduced intermittently with no real purpose for the plot. Hello, what was the point of introducing Olga the Owl, who later metamorphosed into a woman. She wasn't even present in the second half of the movie. And she didn't help him rid the world of the Vortex, which signifies that the battle of light and dark would start again. Also, what was the point of featuring the Tiger and Bear(2 Nightwatchers) suddenly making out??? And there is this weird truck that keeps zooming from point A to B in the attempt to help the protaganist... and it operates on rocket fuel apparently, because jet streams keep shooting out from the exhaust pipes! Add to that the disturbing dramatic music that plays nonstop, even when there is no need to create any climax. Oh, and the vortex is a woman who is cursed and she signifies the start of death and destruction in the world. That one was a total let-down, a very very anti-climax moment.
I feel like puking just thinking about the movie. The music was bad, the pacing was bad, the directing was shitty and the acting was so OTT. The people were ugly, the characters were useless... how did it even get out from Russia? Aren't the Russians embarrassed to be seen producing some crap like that??? I need some cake now to comfort myself... The only light at the end of the dark tunnel(pun intended) was that we could jibe about the movie and ridicule it to no end.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Yay I can finally check off my to-do list. I had a picnic at Fort Canning on Wednesday. I brought my tiramisu and some sardine curry puffs. We settled on a spot right in the centre of a large tiled expanse and we laid our checked cloth and placed all our food there. Mark's wraps were really really good. It's a great and novel idea to put caramelised apples into the mix, as it contrasts nicely with the saltiness of the ham. And he made them himself! I really have to get funky and experimental when it comes to recipes. That is truly the mark of a good chef. We had a great time just talking and eating and it really helped that the weather that day was gd. The trees gave us shade too, but after some time, little seeds or fruit started falling like rain and that was a bit distracting.
We set off for MINDS cafe at Prinsep St to play some board games. How long has it been since I dragged out my monopoly and cluedo!? Too long. I really loved monopoly. Could play it for hours on end. But we tried something different today. No std board game for us. Played a game called Settlers of Kazan. Each player must try to build roads and cities and settlements, which will accumulate points. The winner is the one to reach 13 points first. And you can only build the roads and cities if you have the materials to build it, like brick and timber or wheat. The materials are cards that you receive throughout the game. I felt really stupid playing the game. Maybe I'm a slow learner or I pick things up fast. Either that or my luck was just plain bad. I had the least cities. Paul won the game, but then his mind is fast. So I felt quite small at the end of the game! Hmmph.
We set off for MINDS cafe at Prinsep St to play some board games. How long has it been since I dragged out my monopoly and cluedo!? Too long. I really loved monopoly. Could play it for hours on end. But we tried something different today. No std board game for us. Played a game called Settlers of Kazan. Each player must try to build roads and cities and settlements, which will accumulate points. The winner is the one to reach 13 points first. And you can only build the roads and cities if you have the materials to build it, like brick and timber or wheat. The materials are cards that you receive throughout the game. I felt really stupid playing the game. Maybe I'm a slow learner or I pick things up fast. Either that or my luck was just plain bad. I had the least cities. Paul won the game, but then his mind is fast. So I felt quite small at the end of the game! Hmmph.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tiramisu
Yes, I finally made attempted to recreate the heavenly tiramisu that M made at the potluck at Priya's house. I don't know where she got the recipe from but it was so good... the consistency of the cream and the proportion of cream to sponge fingers was just right. But it was too long ago for me to compare mine to hers. Mine was ok, but I thought it was a tad watery. I hate to modify the recipe when I realised that there just wasn't enough marsala wine mixture to dip the sponge fingers in...
See, tiramisu goes like this: you have to make the sponge layer using sponge fingers dipped in marsala wine, coffee powder, sugar and water... And then there is another layer consistent of beaten egg and mascarpone cheese. It's simple, really. And then the layers have to be alternated in a deep dish. The painful part about making this is that the marsala wine and the cheese cost a bomb. For two servings, it would cost a whopping 60 bucks, so this is probably the last time I make it. And it just isn't worth making it again, since the novelty of having tried it has passed. Thankfully, D came over to make it together, so we could split the cost. And it certainly made cooking that much more fun!
I'll be bringing some of it to the VCF potluck tomorrow. Hope they like it...
See, tiramisu goes like this: you have to make the sponge layer using sponge fingers dipped in marsala wine, coffee powder, sugar and water... And then there is another layer consistent of beaten egg and mascarpone cheese. It's simple, really. And then the layers have to be alternated in a deep dish. The painful part about making this is that the marsala wine and the cheese cost a bomb. For two servings, it would cost a whopping 60 bucks, so this is probably the last time I make it. And it just isn't worth making it again, since the novelty of having tried it has passed. Thankfully, D came over to make it together, so we could split the cost. And it certainly made cooking that much more fun!
I'll be bringing some of it to the VCF potluck tomorrow. Hope they like it...
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Freedom of the Press
I cannot stand how no one, not even competent journalists, can come up with the definitive answer on how freedom of speech should work in Singapore. I am speaking of the article in the Straits Times(Saturday 17 Sep). We speak of having different avenues to vent our feelings and air our opinions. Yet, even we have a quantitative increase in avenues, qualitatively, not much has changed. All these different avenues come with very restricted OB markers. Or, they require permits. PERMITS. There is no sense to a rally or protest that requires a permit because 1) it loses all spontaneity and 2) the application would be rejected anyway, and one one would dare proceed without approval.
I rant, like many other Singaporeans. Catherine Lim is a prime example of a Singaporean who tried to express an independent view, only to be admonished and told to join a political party before doing so. This directly contrasts the earnest hopeful view of the journalist in the papers today.
While the article also discusses the proliferation in avenues, like blogs and online forums, it fails to tell people how not to tread out of these OB markers that bind us. There is no black and white, everything is up to one's discretion. Even the vague suggestions given by the writer show how subjective this exercise is. For eg, the writer suggests that applications to stage a mass gathering must be made. Approval is given, rightly so, for a rally to increase Aids awareness. But no approval was given to opposition members who want to make speeches at a constituency dinner!
BAH.
I rant, like many other Singaporeans. Catherine Lim is a prime example of a Singaporean who tried to express an independent view, only to be admonished and told to join a political party before doing so. This directly contrasts the earnest hopeful view of the journalist in the papers today.
While the article also discusses the proliferation in avenues, like blogs and online forums, it fails to tell people how not to tread out of these OB markers that bind us. There is no black and white, everything is up to one's discretion. Even the vague suggestions given by the writer show how subjective this exercise is. For eg, the writer suggests that applications to stage a mass gathering must be made. Approval is given, rightly so, for a rally to increase Aids awareness. But no approval was given to opposition members who want to make speeches at a constituency dinner!
BAH.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Cooking
Pardon me for waxing lyrical about food, but I must simply discuss my latest foray into The Cooking. It's The Cooking, not just cooking, because I so rarely do it that it has become somewhat of an event for me. On Tuesday, I tried my hand at some Round Food - Scandinavian meatballs and Falafel. Usually I bake, and my cakes and pies usually come out well. I think the secret to baking well is following recipes strictly(except to reduce or add the sugar), folding and stirring in the right manner, and possessing a good oven with even heat distribution. All these I do pretty well.
Cooking is another arena altogether. The instincts and senses and the ability to control your freaking saucepan comes into play. And my cooker doesn't seem to listen to me. I can never get the exact flame and the heat which I need. And I overadded egg to my meatballs so the mixture wasn't sticky enough to form balls. So my Scandinavian meatballs aren't meatballs anymore. They kind of went "splat" on the wok instead, to my utter dismay. And they turned out looking like tiny patties instead. They tasted quitei good, but the process of cooking it was very trying. I came out of it smelling from head to toe like the food. It made me really sick.
The falafel was more of a disappointment. It simply refused to brown. The recipe did not call for an additional layer of breadcrumbs or yolk on the surface, so when I popped it into the oil, it disintegrated! Very sad. I had such high expectations for the falafel because I remember how good they tasted overseas. Every time I think of falafel I get really high and happy because it reminds me of the good times I had overseas. I only eat them overseas cos I can't find them here very much. It's full of chickpea, fried, and the Maoz Falafel stands in Europe provide a salad bar where you can top it off with as much of your fav greens from their salad bar. I am drooling just thinking of it. I had it once in Amsterdam by the train station and another time at La Ramblas in Barcelona. I need my falafel dosage again... I'll probably have to try it again, when I start to forget how bruised my ego was after the failure.
By the way, I cannot resist mentioning how Carl's Junior makes me think of skiing. The link is very tenuous but still... The chilli cheese fries at Carl's Junior reminds me of how I love chilli cheese whenever I go to America. It's such a common dish over there. And once when I was skiing in Lake Tahoe I had the chilli cheese fries for lunch. And that was probably the best day of skiing I had, because it was my very first. Plus, the snow was so thick, powdery and soft and the day lasted long and the sky was so clear. Haiz... memories!
Cooking is another arena altogether. The instincts and senses and the ability to control your freaking saucepan comes into play. And my cooker doesn't seem to listen to me. I can never get the exact flame and the heat which I need. And I overadded egg to my meatballs so the mixture wasn't sticky enough to form balls. So my Scandinavian meatballs aren't meatballs anymore. They kind of went "splat" on the wok instead, to my utter dismay. And they turned out looking like tiny patties instead. They tasted quitei good, but the process of cooking it was very trying. I came out of it smelling from head to toe like the food. It made me really sick.
The falafel was more of a disappointment. It simply refused to brown. The recipe did not call for an additional layer of breadcrumbs or yolk on the surface, so when I popped it into the oil, it disintegrated! Very sad. I had such high expectations for the falafel because I remember how good they tasted overseas. Every time I think of falafel I get really high and happy because it reminds me of the good times I had overseas. I only eat them overseas cos I can't find them here very much. It's full of chickpea, fried, and the Maoz Falafel stands in Europe provide a salad bar where you can top it off with as much of your fav greens from their salad bar. I am drooling just thinking of it. I had it once in Amsterdam by the train station and another time at La Ramblas in Barcelona. I need my falafel dosage again... I'll probably have to try it again, when I start to forget how bruised my ego was after the failure.
By the way, I cannot resist mentioning how Carl's Junior makes me think of skiing. The link is very tenuous but still... The chilli cheese fries at Carl's Junior reminds me of how I love chilli cheese whenever I go to America. It's such a common dish over there. And once when I was skiing in Lake Tahoe I had the chilli cheese fries for lunch. And that was probably the best day of skiing I had, because it was my very first. Plus, the snow was so thick, powdery and soft and the day lasted long and the sky was so clear. Haiz... memories!
FRIENDS and random sitcoms
I have figured out why I like Friends more when it first started out. The first season were full of witty quips, little scenarios and hilarious soundbites. Later, bit by bit, it became more of situational comedy, where stupid things would happen to the characters and they would try to wheedle themselves out of tight situations. In the first season, the conversations the 6 of them would have were unforgettable. There was the one where they discussed the weirdest most exciting places they had sex, and then there was the one where the men made an analogy between ice cream flavours and women. Maybe it was necessary back then, to let both the different characters and the audience understand a bit more about where each of them were coming from.
It morphed very slowly. There was some sexual tension amongst the characters, because no one knew whether anyone would get together with anyone else. They were still new with one another. I remember the One with The Boobies, where Chandler chances on Rachel naked, then Rachel chances on Joey, then Joey sees Monica naked and then Monica sees Joey's father naked. That was SO GOOD. I watched that episode again and again. I was so into Friends that I went out to buy the soundtrack and the book on the making of FRIENDS. It was the highlight of my week...
Then FRIENDS took on a new flavour. The characters got more experienced, even sometimes less endearing, one prime example being Ross. He was the Mr Nice Guy, the sensitive soul who believed in true love. And then he HAD TO GO SLEEP WITH THE GIRL AT THE COPY SHOP?? And then they had to put a funny spin on his failed marriages. That ruined the character a tad for me.
It's also sad that not every dog gets his day on the show. Lisa Kudrow is such a talented actress, but she is always being sidelined because her character isn't involved with anyone else on the show. The characters with the onscreen attention are probably Ross, Rachel, Monica and Chandler, precisely because they add the romantic element with one other main character. And it really isn't fair, considering Joey and Phoebe have so much going for them, but they keep getting relegated the very one dimensional jokes and references. Esp Joey. If they were going to do a spinoff on Joey, at least try and usher in more depth as the seasons pass. Or, preferably, choose to do a spinoff on a more 3D character. Or, a character of which not much is known, like Gunther! Joey fails precisely because people know the character, but not enough to see more of him than the womanising and food-loving sides. It's sad.
I watch FRIENDS whenever I can catch it on StarWorld... and this usually means I watch it at least twice. I don't get bored watching the same eps again and again. When the last ep aired, I was watching it in US, at the moment the series closed for real. It sure made me cry.
And now, I look at the dearth of comedy. All the comedies I have loved for the last ten years have faded into the sunset: FRIENDS, Murphy Brown, Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, Frasier, SATC... @#$$% I need to meet my weekly comedy cravings. Arrested Development is really really good, but I have a feeling it might die soon because it's not popular enough. Hey Americans, don't be stupid... It's your last chance for some good fare!!! Curb Your Enthusiasm is funny, but very frustrating(because the protagonist keeps making such a fool of himself and the people around him react against him so overtly and strongly)
Not always do I meet a crazed enough person like me who will hyperventilate while discussing sitcoms. If anyone feels this strongly too, come find me!!!
It morphed very slowly. There was some sexual tension amongst the characters, because no one knew whether anyone would get together with anyone else. They were still new with one another. I remember the One with The Boobies, where Chandler chances on Rachel naked, then Rachel chances on Joey, then Joey sees Monica naked and then Monica sees Joey's father naked. That was SO GOOD. I watched that episode again and again. I was so into Friends that I went out to buy the soundtrack and the book on the making of FRIENDS. It was the highlight of my week...
Then FRIENDS took on a new flavour. The characters got more experienced, even sometimes less endearing, one prime example being Ross. He was the Mr Nice Guy, the sensitive soul who believed in true love. And then he HAD TO GO SLEEP WITH THE GIRL AT THE COPY SHOP?? And then they had to put a funny spin on his failed marriages. That ruined the character a tad for me.
It's also sad that not every dog gets his day on the show. Lisa Kudrow is such a talented actress, but she is always being sidelined because her character isn't involved with anyone else on the show. The characters with the onscreen attention are probably Ross, Rachel, Monica and Chandler, precisely because they add the romantic element with one other main character. And it really isn't fair, considering Joey and Phoebe have so much going for them, but they keep getting relegated the very one dimensional jokes and references. Esp Joey. If they were going to do a spinoff on Joey, at least try and usher in more depth as the seasons pass. Or, preferably, choose to do a spinoff on a more 3D character. Or, a character of which not much is known, like Gunther! Joey fails precisely because people know the character, but not enough to see more of him than the womanising and food-loving sides. It's sad.
I watch FRIENDS whenever I can catch it on StarWorld... and this usually means I watch it at least twice. I don't get bored watching the same eps again and again. When the last ep aired, I was watching it in US, at the moment the series closed for real. It sure made me cry.
And now, I look at the dearth of comedy. All the comedies I have loved for the last ten years have faded into the sunset: FRIENDS, Murphy Brown, Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, Frasier, SATC... @#$$% I need to meet my weekly comedy cravings. Arrested Development is really really good, but I have a feeling it might die soon because it's not popular enough. Hey Americans, don't be stupid... It's your last chance for some good fare!!! Curb Your Enthusiasm is funny, but very frustrating(because the protagonist keeps making such a fool of himself and the people around him react against him so overtly and strongly)
Not always do I meet a crazed enough person like me who will hyperventilate while discussing sitcoms. If anyone feels this strongly too, come find me!!!
One reason why people give up is that they lose the reason for why they started out in the first place. I watched the documentary Child of Our Time, which featured a mother who stopped yelling at her child to sit still, because she cannot remember why she wanted her child to stop moving anymore. At one point, I wanted to give up on God because I stopped remembering the purpose for trusting in Him and for even believing in the first place. And then when the primary motive for the race comes rushing back, you pick up where you left off.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Netball match!!!!
This is a week of many events. First I went to Sentosa for the first time in ages. And I tucked into good music at Wala's. And I did my first 16km run...(It'll be 20 km next week i hope!) Oh and my first manicure and pedicure! I also checked out the 6th Asian Netball Championship today. The netball girls' finals was between Malaysia and Singapore and it was held in the Toa Payoh Stadium. Can I just say that the Malaysians are the dark horses and they sure look it too. It's not their home turf and they already have that losing edge, but they aren't dressed like their counterparts man. Our uniforms are very well designed(David insists that the Singapore running down the side of the jersey is very "sexy") and look spiffy and smart. But theirs look like the Crescent girls' uniform. Yellow plain numbered jerseys and blue short skirts. Even the skirts flip differently from ours. It doesn't fall as nicely when the girls jump.
But man, those girls can jump. They sure gave our team a run for their money. And they didn't have a single import, from what I gathered. We had quite a few Caucasians playing on our team, but the whole team worked very well. Seamless passing and man can they jump! They jump out from all angles and they can reach the ball when it seems impossible. I like the Malaysian team's GS. Her aiming is almost perfect. But our GS is hotter... haha. And yes, I may be a girl but I can admire aesthetics. Plus, netball is 60% about the sport and 40% about the girls that make it up!!!
At the prize presentation ceremony, the various teams assembled at the court to receive their prizes. And I saw the TALLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. Honestly, she was so tall that she towered over the tallest guys there. And these guys were 2m tall. I stood next to them outside the stadium before the match and they towered over the food stands and the overhanging signs already. She had the longest legs but I must say they were too long and made her appear to be standing on stilts. It is impossible to describe my amazement... and you can hear a hush and then a babble of comments from the crowd when she emerged.
Had a good time with David scouting for food although I must say that we are the WORST PEOPLE TO MAKE UP OUR MINDS. Chomp Chomp's for Round 2 was pretty good though=)
But man, those girls can jump. They sure gave our team a run for their money. And they didn't have a single import, from what I gathered. We had quite a few Caucasians playing on our team, but the whole team worked very well. Seamless passing and man can they jump! They jump out from all angles and they can reach the ball when it seems impossible. I like the Malaysian team's GS. Her aiming is almost perfect. But our GS is hotter... haha. And yes, I may be a girl but I can admire aesthetics. Plus, netball is 60% about the sport and 40% about the girls that make it up!!!
At the prize presentation ceremony, the various teams assembled at the court to receive their prizes. And I saw the TALLEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. Honestly, she was so tall that she towered over the tallest guys there. And these guys were 2m tall. I stood next to them outside the stadium before the match and they towered over the food stands and the overhanging signs already. She had the longest legs but I must say they were too long and made her appear to be standing on stilts. It is impossible to describe my amazement... and you can hear a hush and then a babble of comments from the crowd when she emerged.
Had a good time with David scouting for food although I must say that we are the WORST PEOPLE TO MAKE UP OUR MINDS. Chomp Chomp's for Round 2 was pretty good though=)
Wala's
Wala's is a place I can only go to when I'm feeling hyped up. You need a certain mood to go to Wala's. But today I was feeling WAY TOO SLACK to go. I wanted to just sit down and pig out, courtesy of my 16km run... (Actually this may just be a reason for pigging out but what the heck)
But I didn't want to drive all the way to Holland V for nothing. It may be like KTV. Inertia stops you from going because you are too lazy to sing and pick songs. But once you get started, you are on a roll. Once I get into wala's and I hear Jack sing, I know I wouldn't regret it either. The queue wasn't so bad anyway. I stepped into the entrance, only to encounter Mr Hamsup the bouncer. He stamped my hand with the chop and then he stamped it with his own brand of "hamsup-ness". Didn't let go of my hand for 3 sec then asked me how I was doing.. Yucks yucks.
Today the whole place was brimming with RJ people. RJ PE teachers were there, together with some law friends who were one year my senior and two years my senior. Jem Leong and John Yeo, Kelly and Kevin. Apparently Rai is an RJ teacher too! Stupid PE teacher stole my seat just as I was going to sit down at the recently vacated table we moved forward to occupy. When I asked him why the heck he took my chair, he gave a cheeky, "I think I'm very charming and irresistible" grin and said, "Oh I just need it". BAH. To be fair, he did return it later and even patted the seat and tried to make amends and be friendly, but too bad, damage is done! I dao-ed him like mad until I got it back.. hahaha
The songs EIC played tonight were better than the last time. They even played my dedication! Chariot by Gavin DeGraw, but they looked a bit surprised to see it, cos I think they only recently rehearsed it. I was bowled over. It was great. They also played Matchbox Twenty's Bright Lights. That one was a charming number. And tons of U2 songs and Green Day's Wake Me Up when September Ends. Yum. Yum is also a way to describe Jack. I'm in love with the way he plays his guitar and his onstage charisma. Just oozing with ACS charm.. haha. I wonder what he looks like without the stage lights and the dark ambience... And Rai's was really really good. His voice is very strong, not as nasal as Jack's, and he can pull of Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter very well, cos it can go all soft and soothing and yet strong and masculine in a matter of 2 notes. I have to go to Timbre to check them out on Wednesdays...
But I didn't want to drive all the way to Holland V for nothing. It may be like KTV. Inertia stops you from going because you are too lazy to sing and pick songs. But once you get started, you are on a roll. Once I get into wala's and I hear Jack sing, I know I wouldn't regret it either. The queue wasn't so bad anyway. I stepped into the entrance, only to encounter Mr Hamsup the bouncer. He stamped my hand with the chop and then he stamped it with his own brand of "hamsup-ness". Didn't let go of my hand for 3 sec then asked me how I was doing.. Yucks yucks.
Today the whole place was brimming with RJ people. RJ PE teachers were there, together with some law friends who were one year my senior and two years my senior. Jem Leong and John Yeo, Kelly and Kevin. Apparently Rai is an RJ teacher too! Stupid PE teacher stole my seat just as I was going to sit down at the recently vacated table we moved forward to occupy. When I asked him why the heck he took my chair, he gave a cheeky, "I think I'm very charming and irresistible" grin and said, "Oh I just need it". BAH. To be fair, he did return it later and even patted the seat and tried to make amends and be friendly, but too bad, damage is done! I dao-ed him like mad until I got it back.. hahaha
The songs EIC played tonight were better than the last time. They even played my dedication! Chariot by Gavin DeGraw, but they looked a bit surprised to see it, cos I think they only recently rehearsed it. I was bowled over. It was great. They also played Matchbox Twenty's Bright Lights. That one was a charming number. And tons of U2 songs and Green Day's Wake Me Up when September Ends. Yum. Yum is also a way to describe Jack. I'm in love with the way he plays his guitar and his onstage charisma. Just oozing with ACS charm.. haha. I wonder what he looks like without the stage lights and the dark ambience... And Rai's was really really good. His voice is very strong, not as nasal as Jack's, and he can pull of Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter very well, cos it can go all soft and soothing and yet strong and masculine in a matter of 2 notes. I have to go to Timbre to check them out on Wednesdays...
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Training
This morning I started my marathon training... Signed up for Standard Chartered Marathon, but every time I want to step out of the house it either threatens to rain or is already raining. And it's not always the kind of rain that makes you dismiss the idea of going out. Sometimes it comes and it goes, or it drizzles lightly enough to make you ponder about whether or not to ignore the rain... The worst thing is that I have to set aside special slots of time for my training. I don't always have 3 hrs to kill at one go in the mornings or nights to do this. So I was mighty pissed.... Well, I sure got a kick of the run I did this morning - I jogged 16 km!!! That was a fine start to my training...
I jogged to MacRitchie through Braddell, past News Centre and the entrance to Braddell Hill, past Mount Alvernia Medical Centre. Then I jogged alongside the water (2.25km) which links to the route that goes to the HSBC treetop walk. I jogged to the walk, and I was sure relieved to find a water station where the rangers were situated. And then I jogged back. Jogging in the trails at McRitchie is a very slow process. I am very unsure about my footing and since my balance already sucks naturally, it was sometimes alarming when my foot didn't land properly. Thank God my feet managed to weather the trying terrain. Once I got back onto the concrete pavement outside, it was so much easier to jog faster because my feet are so used to adjusting to rougher terrain. I shall have to go to Macritchie more. Plus, the route is very VERY hilly, and at times I really wanted to walk. Heck, it can go uphill for ages, and since the trail is windy, I never knew when it would go downhill again. Yucks. BUT, good for training...
I could largely keep the momentum going, because the weather was just so good... It was windy and stayed cloudy till I finished the jog. But I know it'll be much harder if the sun were shining down. That would be very tiresome. At many times throughout the jog I found myself craving crisp cool dry weather, and in those moments I actually envied people living in temperate countries. (Yes, I had tons of time to think about random stupid things like these)
So I think I'll just do this once a week. I don't want to push myself too much. My feet would literally cave and die. And it really drained me. I felt so tired the whole day(Admittedly I was out the rest of the day and it was a very humid day too) Let's hope my discipline and the weather keep up.
On a side note, I was in MacRitchie in the morning and in Orchard Road at 12-215. And body parts were discovered in Orchard Road at 145 and at MacRitchie at 6pm!!! Heck, I could have seen the murderer! haha... Talk about coincidence...
I jogged to MacRitchie through Braddell, past News Centre and the entrance to Braddell Hill, past Mount Alvernia Medical Centre. Then I jogged alongside the water (2.25km) which links to the route that goes to the HSBC treetop walk. I jogged to the walk, and I was sure relieved to find a water station where the rangers were situated. And then I jogged back. Jogging in the trails at McRitchie is a very slow process. I am very unsure about my footing and since my balance already sucks naturally, it was sometimes alarming when my foot didn't land properly. Thank God my feet managed to weather the trying terrain. Once I got back onto the concrete pavement outside, it was so much easier to jog faster because my feet are so used to adjusting to rougher terrain. I shall have to go to Macritchie more. Plus, the route is very VERY hilly, and at times I really wanted to walk. Heck, it can go uphill for ages, and since the trail is windy, I never knew when it would go downhill again. Yucks. BUT, good for training...
I could largely keep the momentum going, because the weather was just so good... It was windy and stayed cloudy till I finished the jog. But I know it'll be much harder if the sun were shining down. That would be very tiresome. At many times throughout the jog I found myself craving crisp cool dry weather, and in those moments I actually envied people living in temperate countries. (Yes, I had tons of time to think about random stupid things like these)
So I think I'll just do this once a week. I don't want to push myself too much. My feet would literally cave and die. And it really drained me. I felt so tired the whole day(Admittedly I was out the rest of the day and it was a very humid day too) Let's hope my discipline and the weather keep up.
On a side note, I was in MacRitchie in the morning and in Orchard Road at 12-215. And body parts were discovered in Orchard Road at 145 and at MacRitchie at 6pm!!! Heck, I could have seen the murderer! haha... Talk about coincidence...
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Sentosa suntanning
Today Choi Ying and I went to Sentosa... There was no agenda in mind, but there was the potential of blading, tanning, just general chilling around. It's nice to have friends who are finally as slack as you.( on a side note, PLC is making me feel like I'm wasting time and draining away my youth, which could be used to better effect=) )
It may have been cloudy in the morning but it sure wasn't in the afternoon. 'Blistering heat' and 'scorching sun' are only 2 ways to describe it. You get the drift. And I realise that I really am getting old when the people around you are all enjoying THEIR school holidays and you realise that you don't see your peers around because they have MOVED ON, ie gotten a job and doing something productive... Haha. When I'm slack, I slack all the way. When I work hard, I go into overdrive. Must pull myself out of this extreme mentality. What did they say about the Balanced Lifestyle?
We sat in the sun for about 2 hrs. We just sat and talked and tanned. The only movements were when we occasionally flipped over to even it out. It really creates deja vu, of another time when I was here with other people, people who are either busy or just not interested in "ruining their skin and getting skin cancer"(this is obviously ad verbatim from a disinterested friend)...
Tanjong Beach looks very different. It doesn't look as nice as I remembered, but thankfully it was a relatively empty beach this afternoon, so it was possible to comb a spot which had a good radius of privacy. There was a whole bunch of sec sch boys on some class outing next to us, but they provided entertainment more than act as an unwelcome intrusion. The only grumble about this beach is that the nice toilets are long gone and have since been replaced by container toilets, probably due to some construction.
We also went to KM 8 for some juice and to use their nice deck chairs. Didn't stay very long, but it sure felt good=) Saw the 2 cutest Caucasian children toddling past us back and forth. The little 2 yr old girl had a pretty bathing suit on and a straw hat and the nicest golden curls were peeping out.
And I realise that I still wasn't the colour I wanted to be, despite sitting there for about 3 hrs.
It may have been cloudy in the morning but it sure wasn't in the afternoon. 'Blistering heat' and 'scorching sun' are only 2 ways to describe it. You get the drift. And I realise that I really am getting old when the people around you are all enjoying THEIR school holidays and you realise that you don't see your peers around because they have MOVED ON, ie gotten a job and doing something productive... Haha. When I'm slack, I slack all the way. When I work hard, I go into overdrive. Must pull myself out of this extreme mentality. What did they say about the Balanced Lifestyle?
We sat in the sun for about 2 hrs. We just sat and talked and tanned. The only movements were when we occasionally flipped over to even it out. It really creates deja vu, of another time when I was here with other people, people who are either busy or just not interested in "ruining their skin and getting skin cancer"(this is obviously ad verbatim from a disinterested friend)...
Tanjong Beach looks very different. It doesn't look as nice as I remembered, but thankfully it was a relatively empty beach this afternoon, so it was possible to comb a spot which had a good radius of privacy. There was a whole bunch of sec sch boys on some class outing next to us, but they provided entertainment more than act as an unwelcome intrusion. The only grumble about this beach is that the nice toilets are long gone and have since been replaced by container toilets, probably due to some construction.
We also went to KM 8 for some juice and to use their nice deck chairs. Didn't stay very long, but it sure felt good=) Saw the 2 cutest Caucasian children toddling past us back and forth. The little 2 yr old girl had a pretty bathing suit on and a straw hat and the nicest golden curls were peeping out.
And I realise that I still wasn't the colour I wanted to be, despite sitting there for about 3 hrs.
Monday, September 05, 2005
For real??!
 |
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. |
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
Sunday, September 04, 2005
It's been a very eventful week. There was edudine and my sister's birthday. Oh and The Canteen. And Beat's birthday bbq. But I think there was a train of thought I was following that kind of distracted me quite a bit.
I'll have to deal with what exactly I'm thinking. I don't really know. Heck, I think other people would know better than I do what I am feeling and why I am feeling this way. Sometimes people insist that you think or you feel a certain way, as you insist vehemently that it is not so. And yet, sometimes these people turn out to be true.
So if I'm thinking a certain thing, who is to know that it is actually not really reflective of who I am and what is the truth. Or maybe, by default, I should take it that I am usually wrong about these things, because the track record seems to prove it.
I'm confused. And this lack of self-awareness is proving very tiring. I wish someone could come and tell me all the answers. To explain to me what I should do and why I am driving myself crazy with all these random thoughts. Anyone who knows me well enough to advise me thus put your hands up.
I also wish I had a mind-reading machine. That would help solve some problems.
I'll have to deal with what exactly I'm thinking. I don't really know. Heck, I think other people would know better than I do what I am feeling and why I am feeling this way. Sometimes people insist that you think or you feel a certain way, as you insist vehemently that it is not so. And yet, sometimes these people turn out to be true.
So if I'm thinking a certain thing, who is to know that it is actually not really reflective of who I am and what is the truth. Or maybe, by default, I should take it that I am usually wrong about these things, because the track record seems to prove it.
I'm confused. And this lack of self-awareness is proving very tiring. I wish someone could come and tell me all the answers. To explain to me what I should do and why I am driving myself crazy with all these random thoughts. Anyone who knows me well enough to advise me thus put your hands up.
I also wish I had a mind-reading machine. That would help solve some problems.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
The Canteen
no way is this going to be a food blog zach! My life is more than just about food joints ok!! But, hehe that guy has a point - food really gets me going. Gives me the 'buzzing' feeling that very few people can give me! hahaha
I went to The Canteen today... the atas one by Les Amis along Shaw Centre. Actually we were supposed to go to the French Stall but freak, the whole place was closed. Hmmmpph. Never fear. We were not undeterred in our quest for good dinner. All of us were STARVING.
The set dinner consisted of an appetiser, an intermezzo, the main course, dessert and a choice of coffee/tea. All at the steep price of $38 ++ But since it was on my list, it was worth me being able to finally cross something off. I must say that the intermezzo, the mushroom soup, was a delight. It came in a tiny cup, slightly larger than an expresso cup. But it was thick, frothy and smooth.
The main course wasn't much to crow about. Dunno why Lihui insisted that the french fries were fantastic, but I thought they were too skinny. But the dessert was superb man... 3 of us had this rich thick tiramisu. It's way thicker than the one at Prego's. Ceyu got the apple pie that came wrapped like a fried wantun in filo pastry. His was the largest and the flashiest. When I go there again, I'll definitely get that...
I have been spending way too much money on food the past few weeks. I'm starting to get very concerned... But I think I must curtail the expenditure soon!! This week... this should be the last week.....
I went to The Canteen today... the atas one by Les Amis along Shaw Centre. Actually we were supposed to go to the French Stall but freak, the whole place was closed. Hmmmpph. Never fear. We were not undeterred in our quest for good dinner. All of us were STARVING.
The set dinner consisted of an appetiser, an intermezzo, the main course, dessert and a choice of coffee/tea. All at the steep price of $38 ++ But since it was on my list, it was worth me being able to finally cross something off. I must say that the intermezzo, the mushroom soup, was a delight. It came in a tiny cup, slightly larger than an expresso cup. But it was thick, frothy and smooth.
The main course wasn't much to crow about. Dunno why Lihui insisted that the french fries were fantastic, but I thought they were too skinny. But the dessert was superb man... 3 of us had this rich thick tiramisu. It's way thicker than the one at Prego's. Ceyu got the apple pie that came wrapped like a fried wantun in filo pastry. His was the largest and the flashiest. When I go there again, I'll definitely get that...
I have been spending way too much money on food the past few weeks. I'm starting to get very concerned... But I think I must curtail the expenditure soon!! This week... this should be the last week.....
If you are always a different person with every different group of people you hang around with, does not make you a CLOD instead of a PEBBLE? (Ref to Blake) If the conversations that you engage in vary from group to group and the spectrum is very wide, what does that say about you? Does that make your identity shapeless? What defines you socially? Different groups of friends talk about such diverse subjects, and you just casually shade into them. Then your character becomes a camouflage. What are you? Who are you? What kind of conversations really appeal to you? Do you actually enjoy each and every single of these gatherings? Or are u usually in the backseat as an observer? When are you at your element?
I have no clue. But I know that sometimes there are arresting moments... little conversations that just light up your week. But these are the conversations that can bring you tumbling down from your pedestal too.
I have no clue. But I know that sometimes there are arresting moments... little conversations that just light up your week. But these are the conversations that can bring you tumbling down from your pedestal too.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Old kakis
Since the end of The Pupillage(it's really an event. It was hard, tiring, and yet pretty fun sometimes), I have been meeting up or planning to meet up with random people. Unfortunately, I don't have pics for all, but it kinda crossed my mind that I haven't been appreciating the people around me enough. I mean, I see church friends to often to really bother about meeting up and doing stuff outside of church. Besides dinners and conversations on msn, I have been super nuah about everything. I think I am by nature a passive friend. I don't initiate, unless I feel the situation is dire.. haha
I thought it was quite dire when I met up with the people below!! The plan was to eat at The Canteen when they had that 50% special from Aug 1-4, but what to do? No more bookings!!!
Here we are at the Second Choice (it wasn't a second choice, but more of a "since we are at far east plaza and it's the first eatery we came across, why not?")
Yup, my dear hall friends, the people I spent so much time with. And yet, there's still some mystery about what we are doing with our lives now, because I don't see them so much anymore. We used to do everything together la!
And then there's this bunch of gals from way back... This is a smattering of my once-10 strong clique from RGS 410... I think we have had our ups and downs and still we meet up. Everyone is busy doing their own thing now. No two people are involved in the same job or industry, or even taking a common path, but still we meet! And even if I don't show it often, I think you gals all rock! We should do balaclava more often...
Another good girl friend from yonder RGS days... this girl is a globetrotter. She travels from continent to continent, never staying too long in one. But now she is embracing the States as her de facto home. She has the lifestyle I always wanted, but could never afford. But she has the guts to pursue what she wants. The last time she came back would be the last time in a very very long while. I will miss you! Kris is the only one who gets individual mention this time round. Cos I actually have a pic of her in my comp! Sorry to those individual good friends whose pic I simply do not have...
I can't ignore the gals from my cell in church. Here we are in our more carefree days. I think some of us hit a dry spell, and the journey was a bit bumpy along the way. But I think various friendships were forged, or unusual bonds were etched. I drew closer to some of them. Or at least, I got a better sense of where each one of us was coming from. Here we are at a retreat in ulu Changi...
I thought it was quite dire when I met up with the people below!! The plan was to eat at The Canteen when they had that 50% special from Aug 1-4, but what to do? No more bookings!!!
Here we are at the Second Choice (it wasn't a second choice, but more of a "since we are at far east plaza and it's the first eatery we came across, why not?")
Yup, my dear hall friends, the people I spent so much time with. And yet, there's still some mystery about what we are doing with our lives now, because I don't see them so much anymore. We used to do everything together la!
And then there's this bunch of gals from way back... This is a smattering of my once-10 strong clique from RGS 410... I think we have had our ups and downs and still we meet up. Everyone is busy doing their own thing now. No two people are involved in the same job or industry, or even taking a common path, but still we meet! And even if I don't show it often, I think you gals all rock! We should do balaclava more often...
Another good girl friend from yonder RGS days... this girl is a globetrotter. She travels from continent to continent, never staying too long in one. But now she is embracing the States as her de facto home. She has the lifestyle I always wanted, but could never afford. But she has the guts to pursue what she wants. The last time she came back would be the last time in a very very long while. I will miss you! Kris is the only one who gets individual mention this time round. Cos I actually have a pic of her in my comp! Sorry to those individual good friends whose pic I simply do not have...
I can't ignore the gals from my cell in church. Here we are in our more carefree days. I think some of us hit a dry spell, and the journey was a bit bumpy along the way. But I think various friendships were forged, or unusual bonds were etched. I drew closer to some of them. Or at least, I got a better sense of where each one of us was coming from. Here we are at a retreat in ulu Changi...
Awe
God spoke to me during Sunday School:
"Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross"
He also spoke to me during worship on Saturday:
"Laid aside Your majesty
Gave up everything for me
Suffered at the hands of those you have created
You took all your guilt and shame
When You died and arose again
Now today You reign
In heaven and earth exalted"
It suddenly hit me. He gave up SO MUCH for us. And yet, it's so difficult for us to lay aside our hopes and our plans. We pin our hopes on the ephemeral. But this is a GOD who laid aside His whole identity, His majesty and greatness, and power and authority, to become Man for us all. And it wasn't just the act of dying on the cross for us (I couldn't get a sense of the awe of the death of the cross for a long time. After all, so many others died the same way then too) Rather, it was the fact that He had planned it all from time memorial, from the moment He made His first creation. For it was already prophesied in the Old Testament that God had a grand plan, which involved the Son of God. And this was all to prepare the way for Jesslyn Chia to go back to God in the end.
That was a surreal moment.
"Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross"
He also spoke to me during worship on Saturday:
"Laid aside Your majesty
Gave up everything for me
Suffered at the hands of those you have created
You took all your guilt and shame
When You died and arose again
Now today You reign
In heaven and earth exalted"
It suddenly hit me. He gave up SO MUCH for us. And yet, it's so difficult for us to lay aside our hopes and our plans. We pin our hopes on the ephemeral. But this is a GOD who laid aside His whole identity, His majesty and greatness, and power and authority, to become Man for us all. And it wasn't just the act of dying on the cross for us (I couldn't get a sense of the awe of the death of the cross for a long time. After all, so many others died the same way then too) Rather, it was the fact that He had planned it all from time memorial, from the moment He made His first creation. For it was already prophesied in the Old Testament that God had a grand plan, which involved the Son of God. And this was all to prepare the way for Jesslyn Chia to go back to God in the end.
That was a surreal moment.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
EIC, I love...
I have found my answer to good live music and a very unSingaporean ambience... This is one place so worth checking out. Wala Wala's on Friday nights is the place to go and enjoy some great rock pop and the band is so full of energy and pizzazz. The rapport between the members is superb. It's amazing how they maintain their passion and their chemistry despite playing almost every night at random places around Singapore. And they play the music I love, the music that gets down to your gut and sends electricity running your spine... Heck, the GooGoo Dolls, Matchbox Twenty, Red Hot Chilli Peppers... just can't get enough.
This is about the third time I've been to Wala's. The first time was over a year ago. Then, the crowd was much thinner and it had the makings of a cult band with its loyal following of friends and groupies. The whole place is very dark, and full of people singing to the familiar tunes. But it was sort of intimate still. I like the dark ambience of the bar. It somehow reminds me of the bars I visited in Australia. This time, the place is just swarming with people, neck to neck. I had to queue like mad outside Wala's. The last time I just did a walk in. I had many close brushes and intimate encounters(butt brushing was a frequent occurrence). And I met people I recognised. It's no cult band anymore. It's just about the most famous band in Singapore. That sux. The exclusivity is gone. The music is still amazing. I'm loving Jack(the lead singer) more and more... haha. His voice is so electric. He has the AC guy quality that never fails to draw me. And who doesn't love a guy who can serenade?? swoon......
Definitely going to check them out soon at Timbre and Balaclava...
This is about the third time I've been to Wala's. The first time was over a year ago. Then, the crowd was much thinner and it had the makings of a cult band with its loyal following of friends and groupies. The whole place is very dark, and full of people singing to the familiar tunes. But it was sort of intimate still. I like the dark ambience of the bar. It somehow reminds me of the bars I visited in Australia. This time, the place is just swarming with people, neck to neck. I had to queue like mad outside Wala's. The last time I just did a walk in. I had many close brushes and intimate encounters(butt brushing was a frequent occurrence). And I met people I recognised. It's no cult band anymore. It's just about the most famous band in Singapore. That sux. The exclusivity is gone. The music is still amazing. I'm loving Jack(the lead singer) more and more... haha. His voice is so electric. He has the AC guy quality that never fails to draw me. And who doesn't love a guy who can serenade?? swoon......
Definitely going to check them out soon at Timbre and Balaclava...
My List
I just crossed off two things on "My List of things to do these few months before I sell my lifeblood to Allen and Gledhill" - I had the gelato at Watten's Estate and I managed to buy a Lana fudge cake before it got sold off! When I was there, there were only 6 left. Kevin had no blingbling, so he had to go home(very nearby) to get some first. But when he came back, they were all gone! My sympathies...
And by the way, they were REALLY REALLY GOOD. Very moist, not too rich, not too sweet. Just the right texture and consistency. And chocolatey enough. Zach says I should convert this blog into a food blog. Nah. I can't wax lyrical about food with hyperbole. I don't think my English is that equipped. I am only good for hyperventilating over them.
I also picked up some sausages from the Swiss butchery. I am such a sucker. When someone tells me, "The food here is good", I simply have to try it. Same goes for uncooked sausages. Kevin only had to say, "The seasoning is great. The meat is prepared very well" and I had to happily purchase 2 smoked and spicy sausages. But the word on that is not out. Wait till I have grilled it.
The gelato did not disappoint. I had the Honey Maltesers, a flavour I haven't seen in Singapore yet. And the orange sorbet and peanut butter gelato. Who doesn't love peanut butter? Spread the word. Anything with peanut butter on it is heaven.
And by the way, they were REALLY REALLY GOOD. Very moist, not too rich, not too sweet. Just the right texture and consistency. And chocolatey enough. Zach says I should convert this blog into a food blog. Nah. I can't wax lyrical about food with hyperbole. I don't think my English is that equipped. I am only good for hyperventilating over them.
I also picked up some sausages from the Swiss butchery. I am such a sucker. When someone tells me, "The food here is good", I simply have to try it. Same goes for uncooked sausages. Kevin only had to say, "The seasoning is great. The meat is prepared very well" and I had to happily purchase 2 smoked and spicy sausages. But the word on that is not out. Wait till I have grilled it.
The gelato did not disappoint. I had the Honey Maltesers, a flavour I haven't seen in Singapore yet. And the orange sorbet and peanut butter gelato. Who doesn't love peanut butter? Spread the word. Anything with peanut butter on it is heaven.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Saturday's sermon
Today's message in church really struck me hard. It was based on Philippians 1:1-11. About regaining the joy of being a child of GOD, something which I think I lost along the way. And Ps Melvyn talked about how if we give up our preoccupations, no matter how important they seem, God will reward. God will repay. People disappoint but God will never do so.
That really makes sense. How many times do people end up disappointing, just when you have placed expectations on them? Expectations inevitably set in once u get close to people. And never do they deliver 100%. Desires preoccupy me too, but invariably, once I get it, the taste of success or procurement just doesn't thrill me for long. The joy dissipates after a time. Isn't that sad? We pine and pine for something, only to realise the apple isn't as red or sweet close up.
Connected to this is the idea that we are a Work In Progress. If we trust and let everything go, He will deliver in the end. We are still being moulded, still being tested. And our growth will improve tremendously especially in the midst of trials and tribulations.
I have my cross, but it's not mine to carry. I'm going to leave it as His feet.
That really makes sense. How many times do people end up disappointing, just when you have placed expectations on them? Expectations inevitably set in once u get close to people. And never do they deliver 100%. Desires preoccupy me too, but invariably, once I get it, the taste of success or procurement just doesn't thrill me for long. The joy dissipates after a time. Isn't that sad? We pine and pine for something, only to realise the apple isn't as red or sweet close up.
Connected to this is the idea that we are a Work In Progress. If we trust and let everything go, He will deliver in the end. We are still being moulded, still being tested. And our growth will improve tremendously especially in the midst of trials and tribulations.
I have my cross, but it's not mine to carry. I'm going to leave it as His feet.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
One Tree Hill
Honestly it is getting quite embarrassing. I feel like a voyeur living vicariously off these "teenagers" on tv.. hahaha... They are all angsty but they look good angsty. And they hang out in the nicest places. Was watching the season 1 episodes on Starworld and there was this scene where some of the guys left Karen's Cafe to go play basketball at the nearby park. A whole bunch of guys turned up, with their friends from school, a huge bunch of them just hanging out on a saturday night. It's a scene set aptly in a small town, where everyone knows one another. It kind of reminds me of hall. On tv, everyone is chilling, watching, laughing... And I start to wonder, once work starts and gets into full swing, how many group outings and chilling sessions will I get? Now, meetings with friends centre around town at some atas coffee house or bar. Drinks are a requisite. I haven't done anything casual like just sit around at a park or around a basketball court for a long time. I guess this is called growing up? Or, it just means my lifestyle has changed somewhat. So watching this casual saturday night on One Tree Hill just made me wonder when I'll be doing that soon.
It's hard to explain. Maybe I'm just not good with words. But the scene is set in my brain. No, it's seared in my brain. I'm also prone to romanticise. But it is also apparent to me that I'm growing up, that I must leave some semblance of my youth, what I used to do when I was younger, aside to embrace new things in adulthood. Admittedly, they are things I have grown used to and I indulge in them quite often. But every so often, a little show like One Tree Hill would bring back nice memories...
It's hard to explain. Maybe I'm just not good with words. But the scene is set in my brain. No, it's seared in my brain. I'm also prone to romanticise. But it is also apparent to me that I'm growing up, that I must leave some semblance of my youth, what I used to do when I was younger, aside to embrace new things in adulthood. Admittedly, they are things I have grown used to and I indulge in them quite often. But every so often, a little show like One Tree Hill would bring back nice memories...
Monday, August 15, 2005
Shoe Fetish and Feet
That's right, my feet are permanently tainted and scarred now! I blame the shoes that I wear. No, I think I have to go to the root of the problem. I blame my utter vanity. I need to wear nice shoes. And usually I'll suffer for them. I just bought this v v chic pair which looked good but hurt like hell when I wear them(cos the back is very hard). And it didn't help that I walked a lot in them on the first day! So what I did was wait for my wound at my heel to heal first(no pun intended) and then I wore them again for the second time. Now the wound is open and the whole heel is red raw.
While I was swivelling on my chair, I accidentally flayed the skin off my heel. It happened as fast as the ripping of a band aid, but the aftermath sure lasted a good 20 seconds!!!
Bah, the price women pay for shoes. I feel like an ancient Chinese woman, whose feet look so dainty on the outside but once the shoes come off, hell the feet become condemned!
While I was swivelling on my chair, I accidentally flayed the skin off my heel. It happened as fast as the ripping of a band aid, but the aftermath sure lasted a good 20 seconds!!!
Bah, the price women pay for shoes. I feel like an ancient Chinese woman, whose feet look so dainty on the outside but once the shoes come off, hell the feet become condemned!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I just read my friend's post on her blog, talking about how we have moved on from hall. It's so funny, but hall was such a big part of my life once. But now, when I try and recall it off the top of my head, I can't seem to remember very much. It was all about small moments here and there, lots of laughter, and some crying... I just can't remember anything specific straightaway until I try very hard.
What my friend wrote really made me feel sad. We had put up a Queens Central Road signage above our E3 corridor, a sort of marking of our territory, you can call it. While the sign remains, the people that defined E3 have since moved on. It reminds me of how the old seniors would graduate and while I'll always remember how they defined hall for me, it would always be replaced by another rowdy bunch of people. Buildings stay, but people move on. No matter how important it was to you, you start to realise how insignificant you actually are. Why did we take everything so seriously back then? All the bitching, the gossiping, the late night meetings, the stressing to put up productions and ensure that Eusoff was top in everything we did... What was that all for?
Even now, while I treasure the friendships I've forged then, I am starting to realise how tenuous those links are. How often do I meet those friends nowadays? We used to share secrets and they were the first ones I would turn (since they were right outside my door!) Now, your immediate circle friends have changed. Things change. People move on. Effort has to be made to make friendships work now. It ain't so easy anymore. And then you start to wonder whether what you thought was friendship was merely pure convenience... Friendship shouldn't be that dispensable rite? This is a projection of the future. In a few years' time, people will be so immersed in their jobs that they will have zilch time for friends. Friends in turn will get whittled down to that sparse handful. Or replaced by new friends.
On another note, I remember that some of my happiest group memories revolved around people in Eusoff Hall - my block friends, my supper kakis, my jogging kakis, my orientation programmers, my dance production working mates. We shared good memories. And I learnt to laugh a lot.
What my friend wrote really made me feel sad. We had put up a Queens Central Road signage above our E3 corridor, a sort of marking of our territory, you can call it. While the sign remains, the people that defined E3 have since moved on. It reminds me of how the old seniors would graduate and while I'll always remember how they defined hall for me, it would always be replaced by another rowdy bunch of people. Buildings stay, but people move on. No matter how important it was to you, you start to realise how insignificant you actually are. Why did we take everything so seriously back then? All the bitching, the gossiping, the late night meetings, the stressing to put up productions and ensure that Eusoff was top in everything we did... What was that all for?
Even now, while I treasure the friendships I've forged then, I am starting to realise how tenuous those links are. How often do I meet those friends nowadays? We used to share secrets and they were the first ones I would turn (since they were right outside my door!) Now, your immediate circle friends have changed. Things change. People move on. Effort has to be made to make friendships work now. It ain't so easy anymore. And then you start to wonder whether what you thought was friendship was merely pure convenience... Friendship shouldn't be that dispensable rite? This is a projection of the future. In a few years' time, people will be so immersed in their jobs that they will have zilch time for friends. Friends in turn will get whittled down to that sparse handful. Or replaced by new friends.
On another note, I remember that some of my happiest group memories revolved around people in Eusoff Hall - my block friends, my supper kakis, my jogging kakis, my orientation programmers, my dance production working mates. We shared good memories. And I learnt to laugh a lot.
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