Advocacy

My final advocacy lesson today... I was assigned the task of defending the Order 14 application for summary judgment and making a mitigation plea. All in all, it went quite well. I have nothing to complain about. But whenever I go up to the lectern to present, I get a little jittery, and my throat will start to crackle and I start to speak very fast. Then I start to fumble over the big words.

The second time I presented, I tried to make a note of those errors and I spoke SLOWLY... but then I kept using the irritating word "and" to join up my sentences in place of "uh". That was painful too.

Even more painful was watching myself on videotape. They tape everyone and they bring us into a private room to view it. The lawyers then pinpoint our stylistic errors and advice on what to do. Boy, do I look gross. And Dao. And "kiam pa". URRGH. It's usual for people to get turned off when they see themselves on video. But they usually get used to it. I don't think I see myself in the mirror much, cos I was massively shocked when I saw that video. That couldn't have been me!!!

I remember that I retrieved an overpowering sense of awe from the NKF trial where Davinder Singh parried with Durei and won hands down. There was no fight there. I felt so inspired. Alas, the feeling did not last very long. I kept replaying the technical to dos and not to dos, completely forgetting that half of it required engaging the court, engaging in intellectual persuasion with the judge...

I need to get inspired again.

Aftermath

My jaw was swollen when I woke up. What the $#@%*(of course, you understand that these are not swear words but they really sound like this in my head: what the 'money sign', '# sign', '@sign', '% sign'...)

Someone asked me if I had mumps.

dao

Warning: This is pure rambling and is an entire waste of time.

Some of my dear friends are getting really sick of me complaining about this, but I have to say something. It's so difficult to break the first hurdle when it comes to making friends sometimes!!! People just naturally assume I'm dao or that I'm angry. Even the people close to me can't tell, and that SUCKS.

I can't help this face I'm born with. I hate it sometimes. But I can't go around perpetually with a smile on my face because it would make me look absolutely psychotic. At this point I start to wonder whether it is really worth all the effort to try to be friendly in order that people don't get turned off or offended. I mean, my friends wouldn't care right, whether I looked like that. But then, you ask yourself, "You could have so many more friends if you just looked more approachable and friendly".

It does hit me. It takes time to build a foundation or community of friends because I just don't warm up to crowds that quickly and easily. People sometimes takes years to take the step to smile and say hi before a friendship is started. But after the first hurdle, I warm up pretty fast to them. It's just that freaking first step that is so hard to cross. And many either cannot be bothered or just don't dare to.

And it doesn't help that I'm shy and daren't take the first step. Well this sucks.

When things suck, suck it up.

Wisdom Tooth out!!!

The bane of my existence for the past few months is finally gone!!! The blasted horizontal wisdom tooth at the back of my right jaw is finished, kaput, exterminated!!! It involved one big fat needle, and tons of ponstan, and good old cotton wool.... and 500 bucks. But boy am I glad I did it! The dentist was very disturbed and he told me that the tooth was infected when he tugged it out. I have never had a cavity in my life but I couldn't take care of a tooth that was only in there for a few months??!! Although I must say that the horizontal position of the tooth caused food to be lodged very easily at the back of my mouth. I even began a post-consumption ritual that involved my tongue in dangerous places...

And I thought that I would feel sick or lose my appetite and that I could only survive on liquids. I was so wrong. I tried to tackle solids and I think I did a pretty good job.

One down, three to go...

Talk with a friend

Went to Purvis Street with David for some gd "tse char"(or is that how you spell it)... When I think tse char now, I will think ACJC people, because I remember that Angela, another from the ACJC alumni, introduced that fantastic stall at Dover Road to me. She claimed it was an ACJC hangout. And ever since, I've associated ACJC with tse char, oddly enough. The one at Purvis Street was quite good. It's called Chin Chin Kopitiam and it was quite empty at the time cos we simply had to eat at the oddest hour. I haven't done things the traditional way for a while now, but I'm frankly sick of Sakae Sushi and Kenny Rogers and the usual fare. This is good.

David tried to answer my questions. I don't think I have all the answers in the palm of my hand, but I think the talk helped. It made me see into why he had so much faith, and why I had so little. And it made me sad. But I didn't want to keep thinking about it because it would have made my Monday miserable. Mondays are bad enough as it is.

Adam Road Presbytarian Church

I have always heard so much about ARPC, especially from friends who have been away for so long and who realise that their own churches seem foreign now. Many retreat into nice peaceful ARPC, where the teachings are sound and the people roughly of the same age. It really is a young church and the young adults are pretty active. So many of them are from NUS. It was only a matter of time before I went to check it out.

Sarah Chew jio-ed me to pop in for the 2pm young adults bible study session called PUNJ, which is an acronym for.... hmmm I'll find out later. I'm really not used to not clapping and raising up my hands during worship. Now I understand why everyone at VCF seems so reserved during worship and why the praise and worship songs seem so subdued. It just so happens that my church is particularly enthusiastic. Over here, the songs are toned down, muted. But not in a negative sense. It was great to have Sarah there.

To my surprise, ARPC was like a congregation of friends and acquaintances from all chapters of my life. I met 3 JC friends there, 1 primary school schoolbus mate cum ex-neighbour, various other familiar JC faces, 1 secondary school friend.... it bordered on creepy. But it was comforting, sweet, to see so many people come to know Christ in university, whether overseas or at home. After years of not seeing these old friends, to know that in the years we have been apart they have been searching and that they have come to the same conclusion about God as I did, brought me a sense of togetherness and comradeship. Lee Shujun was there, so was Kevin Pang and Jonathan, and I know that ChaiChin's church, and I met Cheryl Siew there. Kris loves the church, and now I understand why. I was glad that David went with me too, at least I had company!!!

Things to think about.

I really don't like it when people start to treat you different after you tell them you are reading law. After that, the questions just bombard you one after the other. And then you realise they look at you different. And after that, every so often, they'd say things like "Jess is a lawyer, ask her" or "Next time I'll come find you for help" or "Wah, lawyer sure earn a lot in future".

I don't mean to be mean, but it suddenly struck me how I'm going to be branded with this label in future, because of what I do for a living. It won't happen to me if I were a "Systems Administrator" or Logistics Personnel.... you'd just tune out after the first 2 syllables. But just because people assume they know what being a lawyer means, they attach a certain stereotype to you. I think lawyers, doctors and probably bankers have the same problem. Their jobs are thrust into the public glare too much.

Which begs the question: what happens if I leave the profession? It scares me a bit to think that leaving the profession doesn't just mean losing quite a bit of salary every month. It entails losing your identity, an identity that has been imposed on you by society and which you have grown accustomed to too.

On a brighter note, I met up with Yingjie, Audrina and Lee Si at Brewerks again!!! I know I'm really greedy, but even I am astonished at how much I can eat and have been eating. It's time for cold turkey now...

Brewerks

*sniff* caught a cold from yesterday, or is it the result of a very insistent emerging wisdom tooth? i can't tell. The dentist (who happens to be Shuyan's uncle??!! what are the odds???!!) x-rayed my tooth and delivered the worst news ever... I'll have to extract it out pronto or else it'll push out the rest of my teeth and result in accumulation of food particles which would lead to tooth decay. Yucks. My teeth are my pride and joy. No fillings yet, and I don't plan to have any for the next 10 years! Looks like my food appointments will have to be shifted next week...

Blah having a cold sucks. But it didn't stop me from shoving a whole Brewerks burger in my face... and I finished all of my fries. and half of my Golden Ale beer. Beer is only 3 bucks from 12-3 every day!!!! I was seized with sudden terror when I realised how much I had eaten. but the damage was done. So I tried to walk and walk and walk. I realise that that's the best way to lay off the guilt-trip. I walked from Clarke Quay to Suntec, then walked all over Suntec, then I walked from Dhoby Ghaut back home... I felt slightly better when I went home, until I realised my sister baked cheesecake.... Someone help me.....

We learn new things everyday.
1. I am massively greedy
2. I like my beers dark, especially the dark Erdinger and the dark Paulaner
3. The Mexican burger is damn good!!!
4. I am so greedy...........

I decided to go to East Coast Park to chill instead of going for class. Lectures are super dry right now and it saps whatever inspiration or interest I had in the profession in the first place. So I chose to go to the McCafe to go finish my Jasper Fforde novel. Just me, my book and my mocacchino! Spent 1.5 hours absorbed in my book and watching the world go by... That's a luxury I don't think I'll get very much of anymore!

But the purpose of heading all the way to East Coast Park was to do a spot of quiet time at the beach. Unfortunately, when I put aside my book and went out to the beach, there was a stupid rain cloud hovering ominously... Within 15 min, the winds swept up stray litter and leaves and everyone hurried out towards the shelter...Grrrrrrrrrrrr I like to think I had 15 min of productive quiet time but I think I'd be fooling myself.

Headed out to Orchard where it was pouring like mad. I thought I'd be a nice person and I started ferrying people from point A to point B whenever I could. It's actually a pretty good way to talk to strangers. I met an Indonesian woman who had flown in by chartered plane to seek treatment for her ill father at Mount Alvernia. She told me he was in ICU, at which point my PR skills failed me and I was momentarily lost for words. U really can't tell what people are going through, or what they are doing in a certain place, just by looking at them. How often do we look behind the facade to realise that these people have life issues, problems, interesting stories behind them, experiences. Food for thought.

Picked up my Harry Potter Book. Can't wait to start reading.

Salzburg

Another major reason why travelling gives me a kick is the chance to view God's creation! I always feel closest to Him when I look at what He has done to the lakes, the seas, the valleys and the gorgeous snow-capped peaks. God is right in your face when you are witness to His natural greatness. I always feel small... and there is this sense of awe, that nothing really matters, all things are insignificant. People come and go in nanoseconds, but mounds of rock can surpass us transient fools in terms of time, size, impact.

Check it out!!! We sat by the edge of the jetty admiring the green-blue water and the mountains. Salzburg water is cleaner than its Swiss counterparts. A gorgeous day I will always remember... It's moments like these that are priceless. And it's for you to reserve a compartment worth of such memories. No one can take them away.

Great lakes region in Salzburg

Salzburg is a tad different. It's picturesque, quaint, everything is whittled to half the size of Vienna, but therein lies the charm.

The view from a hill

Breakfast comes in a basket every morning!

The famous Sacher Torte and a mousse-fudge chocolate concoction Ady had (*pining*)

Food Tour

Food is very important to me.

Going down the gastronomic memory lane, Europe is filled with great food, albeit pricey. Every country, even if they happen to be side by side, has its own unique specialties. Austrians drink tons of coffee and exquisite pastries, especially so in Salzburg. And they eat bread that looks like Princess Leia's hair buns.


Cheese strudel

Schnitzel with mushrooms and onions oozing out in a hot gravy, wrapped with layers of bacon and turkey at the Wilder Mann Restaurant

Talk about Vienna

Flashback to the happy times during my holiday... I was thinking how happy I was during the three over weeks I spent in good old Europe. And yah, it's really OLD EUROPE! That's why I love it so much. The buildings you are visiting, the roads you are trodding upon were all used by past generations. And you can just imagine the horses, the carriages, the townsfolk... especially so in the more rural parts where it is more rustic and less touristy.

See how happy we were!!!

Fountain at Neus Rathus!


The pic is taken in a fountain in the gardens next to the beautiful Neus Rathus in Vienna. Vienna is spilling over with gardens and imposing buildings. But it has its quaint statues and fountains... quite a site for the eyes. One of the architechturally most beautiful places I've been to, that is if you like pomp and grandeur.

I must admit there is a modicum of escapism in my love of the travels. You can run away from the problems or the thoughts when you are on holiday. Everything is novel, everything fresh. New people to meet, new food to eat, new experiences to attain. What's there not to like?

So when I get sad, or tired, or frustrated, I think about the good memories. They may be occasionally romanticised, but it doesn't matter.

Sunday Musings

Today, God put someone in my life to give me a little prod, a few more answers to the conundrum. It was a random meeting after teaching Sunday School. I met up with a very very old friend whom I'm always bumping into in church but I just never got the time or made the effort to meet up with. We had coffee at the "ya kun"-lookalike near the church, and our conversation comforted me somewhat. It's His way of telling me that because I cannot hear from Him straight out, being both BLIND and DEAF to His word, He has kindly and lovingly sent people my way to explicitly guide me. I can't profess to know all the answers still, or to even be as convicted as before, but yes, I'm leaning towards the proper turn at the crossroads. Let's just say I am comforted. He has also given me a sense of how blessed I am. True, blessings go to those who do not believe. But I was struck with how minute my problems are compared to the bread and butter issues that others face. There is poverty and hardship everywhere and I have been too blind or too immersed in my own world to notice. And these problems sometimes come with their corollary issues like broken families, juvenile delinquence... the vicious cycle seems to win out. I met the cleaner of the toilet at the public swimming pool in Geylang Bahru, shuffling her bucket, her head bent low, mop in one hand. Instantly I was struck with a certain sadness and finality. And I was just thinking to myself how the whole place smells like pee, how I couldn't wait to get out so I could drive home to my nice comfortable toilet... As I passed her, I tried to establish eye contact and I said "Hi". She responded with "bye". It kind of rang in my ear as I left. I could have said more. I could have said thanks. But I didn't! And when I drove out, again, I met a small man who was crossing the road with a huge backpack, eyes down, feet shuffling, back hunched. This whole area - Geylang Bahru - has a very sad downcast feel to it, and I didn't like it. But it was like my spirit man waking up and reminding me that there was sadness and pain in this world, that there were people to pray for! And so I thank God.

First entry

What am I supposed to say in a first entry? Technically, this is my second blog. I let my old one die because I wanted to let go. The old one was filled with anger and bitterness. And too many people were tuning in. At least now, I have a fresh start, and I can gradually invite the people I love into the inner sanctum. Who am I? I don't know myself!! You would think that as a 23-year-old, I would have gotten at least a little bit of my life figured out, but the older one gets, the more one realises that one has not learnt in a proportionate rate to the ageing process. Or at least, when one is young, one has the excuse that one can figure it out as we go along... And then when one grows older, one realises that the excuse doesn't work anymore... Yah well, what can we do? Move on. I think I'm a person of extremes. When I eat, I BINGE. When I exercise, I am a frenetic compulsive workout maniac. When I work, I work hard. When I slack, I don't have to pluck myself off the couch for ages. And when I watch TV, ok don't get me started.... Other than that, I think I'm a pretty average girl. I'm blessed with a wonderful family and a pretty decent life. I have my set of issues, but I don't think my problems are huge compared to what some other people are going through. I think I'm pretty shy, but others mistake it for "dao-ness"(maybe cos i have a dao face!!!) But you always wonder how people actually receive you, whether the way they treat you really corresponds to what they think of you, you know what I mean? Ok I won't give away too much else for now....