Crisis

I'm going through this quarter life crisis now... What should I do with my life, what's wrong with my life, what I should do to revamp it, is this the life that I want for myself, blah blah blah. Funny that the person you always wanted to be when you were young isn't exactly how you would turn out when you've become that coveted age. At 23, I don't think I feel like the person I should have become, the person I thought I would be when I was younger. I thought I would be more confident, but I'm not. I thought I would be more streetwise than this. I thought I would carry myself better. Fat chance.

But then again, I haven't really thanked God for all the other attributes He's lavished on me. I don't think I have a crappy personality, I am able to actually enjoy the simple things in life, like good weather, running, food, etc. I have passions (even if they come and go).

Maybe it's only because the grass is greener on the other side. And maybe because I'm not leaving enough up to Him. But there's a balance to be tread between relying on Him too much, not trying to throw yourself out into the deep waters, and trying to wrestle God to the ground to get what you want. And there's also the idea that I have to figure out just what I want with my life, in order to feel so strongly about it to want to throw myself into those deep waters. I'm only making sense to myself at this point, but I think this is the perennial question that every 23-year-old would ask at some point. Quiet time has only thrown up so much.

The fact that I'm panicking about returning to the firm should be an indication that my calling is not in the legal fraternity. The fact that my heart plummets to the ground when I realise I'm less than 2 months away from selling my soul again... But where else should I go? Am I the only one feeling this way? I wish I had the guts to check out early, but I don't want to quit without running the whole course. At least, at the end, I can say that that is DEFINITELY not for me. But I can't do it yet. I'll be selling myself short.