DON'T WATCH NIGHTWATCH

Nightwatch is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. I am kicking myself for wasting 2 perfectly good hours on a Friday night watching it. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but constantly throughout the show, I was either laughing or looking at my watch or looking at the EXIT sign very longingly. And fyi, it was supposed to be a HORROR show. Normally, horror movies scare me to bits. But the fact that I could be bored and even incredulous was testament to how bad it can get.

It is about the battle between light and dark, except it's not so much a morality divide between the two. They just happen to be on two opposing teams. And people are given the choice as to which team they prefer to be on. There are men who are called Others, who can see the forces at work. The dark forces are run by vampires. The light are run by the Nightwatchers.

The first scene featured these 2 Viking-looking armies, togged in mail and armour and riding horses, standing at a bridge, ready for battle. There was a voiceover of how the battles of yore took place, but that nowadays, no longer did the two armies fight, but that people were given the choice to choose which team to follow. Fast forward to the present in Moscow. A man who had recently been cuckolded by his wife decides to seek revenge by engaging a voodoo-ist, except that she was a croaky-voiced Russian woman. Turns out he was an Other, and he chose the side of the Light. At this point, none of us knew what was going on still. The movie is hazy, the pacing bad, and random characters are introduced intermittently with no real purpose for the plot. Hello, what was the point of introducing Olga the Owl, who later metamorphosed into a woman. She wasn't even present in the second half of the movie. And she didn't help him rid the world of the Vortex, which signifies that the battle of light and dark would start again. Also, what was the point of featuring the Tiger and Bear(2 Nightwatchers) suddenly making out??? And there is this weird truck that keeps zooming from point A to B in the attempt to help the protaganist... and it operates on rocket fuel apparently, because jet streams keep shooting out from the exhaust pipes! Add to that the disturbing dramatic music that plays nonstop, even when there is no need to create any climax. Oh, and the vortex is a woman who is cursed and she signifies the start of death and destruction in the world. That one was a total let-down, a very very anti-climax moment.

I feel like puking just thinking about the movie. The music was bad, the pacing was bad, the directing was shitty and the acting was so OTT. The people were ugly, the characters were useless... how did it even get out from Russia? Aren't the Russians embarrassed to be seen producing some crap like that??? I need some cake now to comfort myself... The only light at the end of the dark tunnel(pun intended) was that we could jibe about the movie and ridicule it to no end.