It's a self-imposed duty for me to look at the various new US TV shows and consider which ones I'd be interested in being a loyal follower of - the TV shows I would be willing to sacrifice some social activities for, or some sleep for. (Apparently, *shock* lack of sleep is linked to obesity! No wonder... but I digress).
Currently, my status as Loyal Follower is with regards to a few stellar shows: Gilmore Girls, Lost, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Will & Grace. Prison Break is another such.
Yes, I'm slow (only this once!) I've been recommended the series before but was too lazy to check it out, although the episodes were sitting at my desk at home. Prison Break is into its third season now I think. I've seen it on bittorrent for the longest time. But now I'm pledging my loyalty to the series.
Prison Break is incredibly smart and thrilling. And it helps that Wentworth Miller is hot. He's very familiar. I haven't browsed his bio, but I've definitely seen him in some show recently. The plot seems to hinge on the rescue of Wenworth Miller's brother, who's on death row. I refuse to look at the episode guides online. But Channel 5 is simply too slow. Every time one episode concludes, I can't wait for the next episode. It's like how I was with ER eons ago, back when I was 13, back when I discovered the wonderful world of US TV for the first time. And I never went back.
Yes, I will start watching Prison Break with a vengeance.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
weekend exploits
I'm developing very disturbing habits. Going karaoking twice in a month! Learning the mahjong. Eating all my 3 meals. Not getting up regularly to run every other day. Learning to love the beer. Gambling at the turf club. Craving fine dining...=)
Not that I'm complaining. I'm having a blast. I'm having a really good month, despite all that working. Actually it's because work is so tedious that I feel that my free time has gotten very very precious. Carpe diem I say.
But maybe there's a thread of escapism in these pursuits. I'm always on the go, nary any time for thinking through some of the things I need to think about. I need some alone time soon.
Not that I'm complaining. I'm having a blast. I'm having a really good month, despite all that working. Actually it's because work is so tedious that I feel that my free time has gotten very very precious. Carpe diem I say.
But maybe there's a thread of escapism in these pursuits. I'm always on the go, nary any time for thinking through some of the things I need to think about. I need some alone time soon.
WAKEBOARDING
If there's a sport that resembles skiing or snowboarding it'll have to be this. I'm really getting a kick out of wakeboarding. The last time I went was some 4 years ago, but when I tried it again last month, I realised I've been missing out all these years. And WOW.
I had a few false starts the first time, and I forgot how to get up. But I think, once you've got it, you don't really lose it. It's like riding a bicycle. After the first two splats, I finally managed to stay within the wake.
And the rush of the wind and the sounds of the boat ride in front of you and the fact that you are skimming water gives you a huge rush. There are only so many words I can use to explain this exhilarating feeling.
The second time, just yesterday, was even better. With the help of good old "Uncle Robert" the instructor, we managed to understand how to properly cross the wake, how to stand rod straight when crossing the left, how to bend when crossing the right, how to thrust your hip towards the handle, how to land lightly and absorb the shock before standing straight... ok these technicalities are boring. But in the second lesson, I managed to cross both wakes, return back to the inside of the wake and I skimmed the outside right next to the boat. When the boat did a u-turn, I was hanging on to the rope for dear life, but it was like being on a roller coaster. Only better. No safety handles, no seats and no safety net. Just a rope.
When I crossed the wake yesterday, there were a few moments when the board hit the wake and lifted straight up into the air. And when I landed back onto the water, there was a very neat pop sound. *GRINZ* And part of the thrill is losing control and feeling sort of wobbly, but then getting your sense of balance quickly such that you regain stability and you feel top of the world again. Yes, it's the same feeling as the one I had while skiing. (I ALSO LOVE SKIING).
Given, there were many splats. I had quite a few concussions. The first time, I felt sick the whole day after going into the water because of one awful thump in the head by the wake.
And then there are the floating debris and the obiquitous jellyfish. Every so often we would see one floating past the boat. And as you are submerged in the water waiting for the boat to get started, you feel a tad vulnerable knowing that you are probably in the same habitat as that blasted jellyfish.
But that was all worth it. Now I'm looking forward to my next lesson come Nov 4!
Must remember to bring my camera...
I had a few false starts the first time, and I forgot how to get up. But I think, once you've got it, you don't really lose it. It's like riding a bicycle. After the first two splats, I finally managed to stay within the wake.
And the rush of the wind and the sounds of the boat ride in front of you and the fact that you are skimming water gives you a huge rush. There are only so many words I can use to explain this exhilarating feeling.
The second time, just yesterday, was even better. With the help of good old "Uncle Robert" the instructor, we managed to understand how to properly cross the wake, how to stand rod straight when crossing the left, how to bend when crossing the right, how to thrust your hip towards the handle, how to land lightly and absorb the shock before standing straight... ok these technicalities are boring. But in the second lesson, I managed to cross both wakes, return back to the inside of the wake and I skimmed the outside right next to the boat. When the boat did a u-turn, I was hanging on to the rope for dear life, but it was like being on a roller coaster. Only better. No safety handles, no seats and no safety net. Just a rope.
When I crossed the wake yesterday, there were a few moments when the board hit the wake and lifted straight up into the air. And when I landed back onto the water, there was a very neat pop sound. *GRINZ* And part of the thrill is losing control and feeling sort of wobbly, but then getting your sense of balance quickly such that you regain stability and you feel top of the world again. Yes, it's the same feeling as the one I had while skiing. (I ALSO LOVE SKIING).
Given, there were many splats. I had quite a few concussions. The first time, I felt sick the whole day after going into the water because of one awful thump in the head by the wake.
And then there are the floating debris and the obiquitous jellyfish. Every so often we would see one floating past the boat. And as you are submerged in the water waiting for the boat to get started, you feel a tad vulnerable knowing that you are probably in the same habitat as that blasted jellyfish.
But that was all worth it. Now I'm looking forward to my next lesson come Nov 4!
Must remember to bring my camera...
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Death of my Laptop - may Natalie R.I.P.
My beloved laptop died. It just decided to cough up the blue screen on Monday. And then it told me it was going to begin "initial dump of physical memory", at which point I couldn't watch anymore. I tried to resuscitate it, but then it started to make these grinding noises. Every grind brought about the slow steady destruction of every single file I had inside. I could see my pictures get ground away, jpg by jpg. It was heartbreaking.
And then it was sent for the full body works. But when it came back it just wasn't the same anymore. My codecs were all gone, my beautiful wallpaper with Ponte Vecchio stripped down, with the standard uniform Microsoft background in place. There were no picture to see, no movies to watch, no songs. No more Ares. No more Received Files from friends. No more diary entries. No more legal documents. And at this point, no Internet connection. It's like Robocop. I've gotten my laptop back. But it just isn't the same anymore.
And then it was sent for the full body works. But when it came back it just wasn't the same anymore. My codecs were all gone, my beautiful wallpaper with Ponte Vecchio stripped down, with the standard uniform Microsoft background in place. There were no picture to see, no movies to watch, no songs. No more Ares. No more Received Files from friends. No more diary entries. No more legal documents. And at this point, no Internet connection. It's like Robocop. I've gotten my laptop back. But it just isn't the same anymore.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Sheares Bridge Run
I signed up for the Army Half Marathon today... There was a booth right outside Hall 5, just where the World Climbing Competition was being held. It was like a sign. And the promoters were so eager...
So I signed up on behalf of Qinlong and myself. It's a good incentive to get myself fit and running again!!!
So I signed up on behalf of Qinlong and myself. It's a good incentive to get myself fit and running again!!!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Wine Tasting
Hmmm... Did a wine tasting at Ponti Wines yesterday. Zach helped to organise the gathering. It was a hodge podge of friends from all over, including one or two whom I recognised. His uncle is a wine afficionado who buys wine by the cases. I had a good chat with him about Australian wines (I LOVE AUSTRALIA). It turns out that he is a Katnook Estate fan!
Yes I have been drinking. Quite a bit recently. I've discovered the wonders of tasting wine and trying to glean the various flavours and complexities within the wine. It's amazing how many layers can be deciphered from just one sip, one sniff, one whirl of the glass. Yes I sound pretentious. But the wine was just so good! There's really no other beverage (apart from coffee) that can intrigue me just as much. I am very impressed with his uncle, who certainly knows his wines very well. He even set up a wine portal for friends and other wine lovers. Zach himself knows how to appreciate wines. Thankfully I found a wine kaki in him!
Out of the 7 wines we tried yesterday, I have a particular fondness for the first one, the Sauvignon Blanc. With about 15% of Viognier, it has a fruity, viscose, "oily" quality that gives it some interesting depth. After that one introduction to Viognier, it got very easy to detect even the slightest tinge of the grape variety. I have to check it out a bit more... And I like the premier reds, the last 2. It went down so smoothly, with barely an aftertaste. Plus the bouquet was beautiful. I also like the Blend. I can't remember what it was a blend of, but I know there was some shiraz and cabernet in that one. Very interesting, how they mesh the various types of grape in one wine and yet it turns out so rounded and full-bodied...
Reminds me of Australia and my wonderful wine-tasting holiday in Coonowarra =)
Yes I have been drinking. Quite a bit recently. I've discovered the wonders of tasting wine and trying to glean the various flavours and complexities within the wine. It's amazing how many layers can be deciphered from just one sip, one sniff, one whirl of the glass. Yes I sound pretentious. But the wine was just so good! There's really no other beverage (apart from coffee) that can intrigue me just as much. I am very impressed with his uncle, who certainly knows his wines very well. He even set up a wine portal for friends and other wine lovers. Zach himself knows how to appreciate wines. Thankfully I found a wine kaki in him!
Out of the 7 wines we tried yesterday, I have a particular fondness for the first one, the Sauvignon Blanc. With about 15% of Viognier, it has a fruity, viscose, "oily" quality that gives it some interesting depth. After that one introduction to Viognier, it got very easy to detect even the slightest tinge of the grape variety. I have to check it out a bit more... And I like the premier reds, the last 2. It went down so smoothly, with barely an aftertaste. Plus the bouquet was beautiful. I also like the Blend. I can't remember what it was a blend of, but I know there was some shiraz and cabernet in that one. Very interesting, how they mesh the various types of grape in one wine and yet it turns out so rounded and full-bodied...
Reminds me of Australia and my wonderful wine-tasting holiday in Coonowarra =)
Friday, August 04, 2006
Floyd
I'm watching Floyd the drunken celebrity travel chef. Ahh, my stress reliever. It's hilarious to watch him get really high while he pretends to cook something fabulous. Even more hilarious is his attempt to modify the actual dish in the homeland of the dish. Eg: cooking his version of curry in India. Now Floyd is cooking in Denmark... Cooking paella.... hmmm.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Marathon?
I'm contemplating whether to join the Standard Chartered Marathon again. The thought process goes like this:
1) Standard Chartered, ya?
2) Which category? 21 or 42.195?
3) If I do 21, it feels somewhat anticlimax. If I do 42.195, I better get some good training, or else I'd DIE.
4) I don't have time I don't have time I don't have time.
5) I will have to wake up REALLY EARLY on saturdays.
I just took a look at D's timetable, snitched off the standard chartered website, and I completely freak out. It means u have to run practically everyday. Inside I laugh. No, actually I laugh out loud. What are the odds of completing such a routine? Can D do it? (hurhurhur)
If I do 42.195, I must clock in a good time. My time last year was 5h 18min, which wasn't too bad for me. So if I get a time which is way worse this year, that would completely suck and drain all the satisfaction I got from marathon 2005. My ego is v v big. OK, so maybe the answer is: no 42.195. But maybe 21km?
Hmm, maybe I should sign up for AHM first. But AHM? Do I have enough fitness to do AHM at a proficient pace now? (Inside I yell, NO. But my ego says YES)
OK, my ego wins. I'll do AHM. Think about standard chartered tomorrow.
1) Standard Chartered, ya?
2) Which category? 21 or 42.195?
3) If I do 21, it feels somewhat anticlimax. If I do 42.195, I better get some good training, or else I'd DIE.
4) I don't have time I don't have time I don't have time.
5) I will have to wake up REALLY EARLY on saturdays.
I just took a look at D's timetable, snitched off the standard chartered website, and I completely freak out. It means u have to run practically everyday. Inside I laugh. No, actually I laugh out loud. What are the odds of completing such a routine? Can D do it? (hurhurhur)
If I do 42.195, I must clock in a good time. My time last year was 5h 18min, which wasn't too bad for me. So if I get a time which is way worse this year, that would completely suck and drain all the satisfaction I got from marathon 2005. My ego is v v big. OK, so maybe the answer is: no 42.195. But maybe 21km?
Hmm, maybe I should sign up for AHM first. But AHM? Do I have enough fitness to do AHM at a proficient pace now? (Inside I yell, NO. But my ego says YES)
OK, my ego wins. I'll do AHM. Think about standard chartered tomorrow.
Sigh. I don't understand how, no matter how old I get, no matter how my outlook changes, and no matter how my interactions and my social circle expands and diversifies, the same problems will continue to plague me. People will still react towards u in the same way. No matter how much u think you have changed. Confidence, more developed opinions, changed perspectives, a more varied lifestyle, all comes down to nothing...
I've created some new friendships over the past few years. Some have fizzled; some have bloomed; others were on the verge of being a nice comfortable friendship. And then one day it just... disappears? How many have there been that just went on the same path? Am I overcomplicating things? I don't know why this is bugging me so much.
I've created some new friendships over the past few years. Some have fizzled; some have bloomed; others were on the verge of being a nice comfortable friendship. And then one day it just... disappears? How many have there been that just went on the same path? Am I overcomplicating things? I don't know why this is bugging me so much.
I'm back. It's been a long while, but I think the simple word, "WORK", vindicates me. It's been quite harrowing adjusting to my new responsibilities. People management, both upper and lower tier management, is a drain in itself. Not to mention, obligations to the client, what to do and what not to do, the PRs of the legal profession. I'm REALLY TIRED!!!
But I love my weekends. I'll willingly slog to the bone on weekdays in order to get my saturdays and sundays free, to go out and pretend that I have an alternate life, with alternate friends, and I don't even have to think about the office and my files, where I can become me again. I find myself behaving differently, because I have to assume a more assertive persona, a more demanding more aggressive stance. No one must know how much experience I actually have. And what better way to cover this up by not asking the first questions that come to my head; and to respond with full confidence although sometimes I myself am in doubt. Yes, I'm a fraudster. But thank God any mistakes were reparable. And as my seniors say, we all make boo boos.
Back to the weekends. Loved the lazy breakfast at Choupinette with Lee Si, and the gourmet deli shopping, zipping into Cellar Door and Culina, buying atas cheese and pestos, buying the mini chocolat noir tarts that I so loved in France. Loved the good old zi char at that place near Rail Mall, loved the wine place with all that wine sampling and the Italian deli and good old flowing conversation...
Loved the time spent with Lynn and the bridal gown shopping, loved the chalet and that silly but oh-so-fun Murderer game, plus supper. Loved sleeping at 6am and waking up at 1pm(deja vu, I felt like I was back in hall).
I'm a planner. I can't help it. I already planned my next Friday and Saturday. It's a good plan, and hopefully it'll get executed, unlike my Wine Network plans last saturday that got cancelled for Le P'tit Breton. OK, not being atas here, but the crepes were really good!! Brings back wonderful (but disgusting memories for a certain travel mate) memories wolfing down nutella crepe after nutella crepe (and the odd savoury mushroom one) in Paris 2 yrs ago!!!
But I love my weekends. I'll willingly slog to the bone on weekdays in order to get my saturdays and sundays free, to go out and pretend that I have an alternate life, with alternate friends, and I don't even have to think about the office and my files, where I can become me again. I find myself behaving differently, because I have to assume a more assertive persona, a more demanding more aggressive stance. No one must know how much experience I actually have. And what better way to cover this up by not asking the first questions that come to my head; and to respond with full confidence although sometimes I myself am in doubt. Yes, I'm a fraudster. But thank God any mistakes were reparable. And as my seniors say, we all make boo boos.
Back to the weekends. Loved the lazy breakfast at Choupinette with Lee Si, and the gourmet deli shopping, zipping into Cellar Door and Culina, buying atas cheese and pestos, buying the mini chocolat noir tarts that I so loved in France. Loved the good old zi char at that place near Rail Mall, loved the wine place with all that wine sampling and the Italian deli and good old flowing conversation...
Loved the time spent with Lynn and the bridal gown shopping, loved the chalet and that silly but oh-so-fun Murderer game, plus supper. Loved sleeping at 6am and waking up at 1pm(deja vu, I felt like I was back in hall).
I'm a planner. I can't help it. I already planned my next Friday and Saturday. It's a good plan, and hopefully it'll get executed, unlike my Wine Network plans last saturday that got cancelled for Le P'tit Breton. OK, not being atas here, but the crepes were really good!! Brings back wonderful (but disgusting memories for a certain travel mate) memories wolfing down nutella crepe after nutella crepe (and the odd savoury mushroom one) in Paris 2 yrs ago!!!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Friendship is a compromise. Or it entails some sort of accommodation. If not, some sharing would enable the other to understand what one is going through. But it is sometimes impossible for another to know if the other doesn't share. If one cuts others out. If one suddenly cuts the other out without nary an explanation, how would the other know what is going on? One cannot keep taking. Nuff said.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Birthdays and musings
I've given up on finding a nice blogskin for my blog. The intention was to find something original, something that wasn't available for all Blogspot bloggers. But I realise there's a reason why so many people just stick to the templates provided. They are dummy proof!!! I've toggled with the html, read countless of blog help sites and finally came to the conclusion that.... I'm too lazy and have too little time to make it perfect. So, for the time being, it's back to blogspot.
My birthday this year has been great. Meeting up with old friends, even sans presents, has been nice because meeting up is such a rarity nowadays. Presents are second priority, the meeting up is what makes it heartwarming because people are taking time out of their schedules and arranging to meet up. This weekend, we went to Amalfi, we being some of us hall mates. The Butter factory plan with some sec sch friends was scrapped to stay on with my hall friends. We trooped off to karaoke, which frankly, can be a bit of a downer when everyone is tired! Heh but at least we tried valiantly to maintain our social life in the midst of all that work!
Today we went to Joo Chiat, we this time referring to other hall mates. This has become somewhat of a familiar spot. I've been coming more and more lately, but no complaints. I love this area of Singapore, where the old meets the new. True Blue is an interesting restaurant. But I actually preferred the pongteh dishes in Ivins more than the one here... What was interesting was the banana flower salad dish. We were eating flower petals!
I find myself having to reevaluate my relationships around me. I place priorities on some and added to that comes expectations. When they fail to meet them, it makes me really disappointed. But sometimes these are small things which should come naturally, which I feel I am entitled to. So should I reevaluate the whole friendship, or should I reconcile myself with my tendency to over-expect? And then again, maybe I think too much. Birthdays make you expect, and they make you think about how some friends failed to deliver. But on the other hand, they touch you because certain friends go out of their way to just be there for you. Thank you you all. You know who you are.
Felt a bit down today because of Issue No. 1. Yes, I've mentally made a list of things that are of concern to me right now. And this translated in some hefty retail therapy. This is really very dangerous. I bought an iPOD video and some Zara er, things, in 1.5 hours while waiting for Zach. OK, to redeem myself, the iPOD was only going to be a matter of time, whether today or next week. And there WAS a sale on at the apple centre. But the extra Zara skirt was partly because I was feeling low. But really, time to remember that the saving must start. As Joey said, it's time to develop the hobby of collecting money=)
5 June is also my D-Day. The OFFICIAL start of my litigation career. I am appearing in court!
My birthday this year has been great. Meeting up with old friends, even sans presents, has been nice because meeting up is such a rarity nowadays. Presents are second priority, the meeting up is what makes it heartwarming because people are taking time out of their schedules and arranging to meet up. This weekend, we went to Amalfi, we being some of us hall mates. The Butter factory plan with some sec sch friends was scrapped to stay on with my hall friends. We trooped off to karaoke, which frankly, can be a bit of a downer when everyone is tired! Heh but at least we tried valiantly to maintain our social life in the midst of all that work!
Today we went to Joo Chiat, we this time referring to other hall mates. This has become somewhat of a familiar spot. I've been coming more and more lately, but no complaints. I love this area of Singapore, where the old meets the new. True Blue is an interesting restaurant. But I actually preferred the pongteh dishes in Ivins more than the one here... What was interesting was the banana flower salad dish. We were eating flower petals!
I find myself having to reevaluate my relationships around me. I place priorities on some and added to that comes expectations. When they fail to meet them, it makes me really disappointed. But sometimes these are small things which should come naturally, which I feel I am entitled to. So should I reevaluate the whole friendship, or should I reconcile myself with my tendency to over-expect? And then again, maybe I think too much. Birthdays make you expect, and they make you think about how some friends failed to deliver. But on the other hand, they touch you because certain friends go out of their way to just be there for you. Thank you you all. You know who you are.
Felt a bit down today because of Issue No. 1. Yes, I've mentally made a list of things that are of concern to me right now. And this translated in some hefty retail therapy. This is really very dangerous. I bought an iPOD video and some Zara er, things, in 1.5 hours while waiting for Zach. OK, to redeem myself, the iPOD was only going to be a matter of time, whether today or next week. And there WAS a sale on at the apple centre. But the extra Zara skirt was partly because I was feeling low. But really, time to remember that the saving must start. As Joey said, it's time to develop the hobby of collecting money=)
5 June is also my D-Day. The OFFICIAL start of my litigation career. I am appearing in court!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Thank you
thanks to the lovely people who made my birthday sweet and fun this year=) There were few expectations, so it was really great. It's a bit of a downer to be one year older... I had always been excited previously - the start of a new year rings in a new year of possibilities and lessons to learn. But this time was really blah. I feel OLD. Not wiser, not even improved in any way. Just my morose whiny self. Haha.
God bless you all. Thank you so much once again!
God bless you all. Thank you so much once again!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Back from the Hiatus
I left Singapore for Melbourne exhausted. Working really sucks up one's youth and energy and there comes a point when u really really need a break. And Melbourne really did it for me. The trip was so great. All that shopping, all that sitting around and bumming around quaint coffee shops, sipping piping hot frothy mocha and cake piled high, all that wine-sampling and fine weather.... I came back a happy trooper.
Melbourne is a wonderful place to live, even if just an average place for tourists. Knowing locals made it so much better. We were introduced to the best food and shopping places. And the nicest places to hang out in on weekends. We travelled to Coonawarra for gourmet dining and we hopped from winery to winery sampling a large range of wines. We were eyeing the Katnook Merlot, but decided to settle for the Samuel Port from Wynns Estate instead. At Piper's, we had the wonderful eye fillet steak with beef cheeks tartlet and warm chocolate pudding... In Melbourne itself, my sister and I strolled down Williamstown and discovered the perfect koogelhopf (we even bought the entire cake back). Coffee is to die for. We also happily gambled, at Crown Casino. And watched, with great apathy, the ever popular LOAGIES take place amidst much hyperventilating from Aussie TV fans. Arrived home with a greater appreciation for costume jewellery, diamonds, alcohol and higher standards for what constitutes good coffee.
I came back to work feeling like I could work at full throttle... But the mood lasted a good 24 hrs. I lost the "glow"very quickly, that energised look was swept clean after just a day. And it wasn't even a particularly busy week. In fact, I've been enjoying my new room, getting used to my new premises, meeting up with and chatting with people, celebrating birthdays, going for teas... Life has been good. Haha. Now that I'm billable, suddenly others have to think a little before assigning work to me. But I expect next week will be unpredictable.
Today was the start of the birthday celebrations=) And yay, I got Zara vouchers! Now to find things to buy... It has been a very mild week... Like the calm before a storm. A lot of time for myself to contemplate, to do the solitary things that I enjoy, to just sit... and mull. But mulling can be detrimental too. Sooner or later the thoughts will start to plague me and I have to get busy again.
Melbourne is a wonderful place to live, even if just an average place for tourists. Knowing locals made it so much better. We were introduced to the best food and shopping places. And the nicest places to hang out in on weekends. We travelled to Coonawarra for gourmet dining and we hopped from winery to winery sampling a large range of wines. We were eyeing the Katnook Merlot, but decided to settle for the Samuel Port from Wynns Estate instead. At Piper's, we had the wonderful eye fillet steak with beef cheeks tartlet and warm chocolate pudding... In Melbourne itself, my sister and I strolled down Williamstown and discovered the perfect koogelhopf (we even bought the entire cake back). Coffee is to die for. We also happily gambled, at Crown Casino. And watched, with great apathy, the ever popular LOAGIES take place amidst much hyperventilating from Aussie TV fans. Arrived home with a greater appreciation for costume jewellery, diamonds, alcohol and higher standards for what constitutes good coffee.
I came back to work feeling like I could work at full throttle... But the mood lasted a good 24 hrs. I lost the "glow"very quickly, that energised look was swept clean after just a day. And it wasn't even a particularly busy week. In fact, I've been enjoying my new room, getting used to my new premises, meeting up with and chatting with people, celebrating birthdays, going for teas... Life has been good. Haha. Now that I'm billable, suddenly others have to think a little before assigning work to me. But I expect next week will be unpredictable.
Today was the start of the birthday celebrations=) And yay, I got Zara vouchers! Now to find things to buy... It has been a very mild week... Like the calm before a storm. A lot of time for myself to contemplate, to do the solitary things that I enjoy, to just sit... and mull. But mulling can be detrimental too. Sooner or later the thoughts will start to plague me and I have to get busy again.
Monday, April 10, 2006
I am just going to cut to the chase here. No point being cryptic.
I don't know what's going on, but having the pall of grief hanging over my community was so bad once. Now to have it hit twice in less than 3 months... And I just realised that the first time I had any contact with these 2 people was when we went jogging at the retreat in Sembawang, at the campsite. Now 2 of them are gone.
The deja vu is stifling. JW's "and here we go again" still rings in my head. Both happened on Saturday. Both memorial services were on Sunday. Both funerals would be on Tuesday. Both in Mandai. The spiritual father and spiritual son have reunited so quickly.
And I can't help hearing a voice in my head, and I don't know if it comes from God. This voice asks if I love Him enough to give up my life for His cause. And I cannot say Yes yet. This voice asks if I'm ready to play my part in the great commission, whether or not it involves dying before my time. There's too much to anticipate, too much to look forward to. Just one month ago, my sis woke up with a very bad dream and the very heavy burden to pray for my protection. She told me she sensed danger coming my way. The whole of yesterday, I couldn't help looking around me in church, wondering what would come next. So many have been getting sick. There has been internal strife. Death has already struck. What worse thing could be thrown our way?
We must be doing something wonderful and powerful for the devil to be so afraid that he has to attempt to wage some spiritual battle with us. In fact, I think we are going to emerge much stronger and more united for it. Because we have shared so much grief together. It's really a cement. I never thought our network was really united because we are actually quite a disparate bunch. The various groups are just so different. But grief provides a commonality. And I feel so much more attuned and aware that this is a real war. The spiritual realm is very much amongst us, no matter how oblivious we are to it.
Our bodies expire, but we don't. Our souls will continue to live long and hard. This is just the trial phase, our baby steps. In a sense, if someone were to leave this earth prematurely, maybe it's because God has decided that he's learnt how to walk. I can't help remembering the friends I've known that have passed away young. When I do, I always remember how they were when they were flushed and alive. And laughing. Or sharing good conversation. But these memories will be coloured by my memories of the wake. Of all the crying and the shock. Always I remember that, more than I actually remember their lives.
Rationally, I understand that this life is merely temporary, and we have a whole lifetime after we shed our earthly shell. But I always feel robbed and cheated when someone young slips away. He didn't live his whole life out, I would think. It was cut short. If I were only able to not perceive it as being a life "cut short", but merely the end of that person's life as it was supposed to be, I would be more accepting of death at any age.
I don't know what's going on, but having the pall of grief hanging over my community was so bad once. Now to have it hit twice in less than 3 months... And I just realised that the first time I had any contact with these 2 people was when we went jogging at the retreat in Sembawang, at the campsite. Now 2 of them are gone.
The deja vu is stifling. JW's "and here we go again" still rings in my head. Both happened on Saturday. Both memorial services were on Sunday. Both funerals would be on Tuesday. Both in Mandai. The spiritual father and spiritual son have reunited so quickly.
And I can't help hearing a voice in my head, and I don't know if it comes from God. This voice asks if I love Him enough to give up my life for His cause. And I cannot say Yes yet. This voice asks if I'm ready to play my part in the great commission, whether or not it involves dying before my time. There's too much to anticipate, too much to look forward to. Just one month ago, my sis woke up with a very bad dream and the very heavy burden to pray for my protection. She told me she sensed danger coming my way. The whole of yesterday, I couldn't help looking around me in church, wondering what would come next. So many have been getting sick. There has been internal strife. Death has already struck. What worse thing could be thrown our way?
We must be doing something wonderful and powerful for the devil to be so afraid that he has to attempt to wage some spiritual battle with us. In fact, I think we are going to emerge much stronger and more united for it. Because we have shared so much grief together. It's really a cement. I never thought our network was really united because we are actually quite a disparate bunch. The various groups are just so different. But grief provides a commonality. And I feel so much more attuned and aware that this is a real war. The spiritual realm is very much amongst us, no matter how oblivious we are to it.
Our bodies expire, but we don't. Our souls will continue to live long and hard. This is just the trial phase, our baby steps. In a sense, if someone were to leave this earth prematurely, maybe it's because God has decided that he's learnt how to walk. I can't help remembering the friends I've known that have passed away young. When I do, I always remember how they were when they were flushed and alive. And laughing. Or sharing good conversation. But these memories will be coloured by my memories of the wake. Of all the crying and the shock. Always I remember that, more than I actually remember their lives.
Rationally, I understand that this life is merely temporary, and we have a whole lifetime after we shed our earthly shell. But I always feel robbed and cheated when someone young slips away. He didn't live his whole life out, I would think. It was cut short. If I were only able to not perceive it as being a life "cut short", but merely the end of that person's life as it was supposed to be, I would be more accepting of death at any age.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Love Languages
The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probablyQuality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.
Complete set of results
| Quality Time: | 12 | |
| Physical Touch: | 6 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 5 | |
| Acts of Service: | 4 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 3 |
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.Take the quiz
Sunday, April 02, 2006
In Between
There is this world where people talk of champagne brunches and fast cars and chanel bags. The girls are elegant, poised, flawless, polished, nary a hair in place. The guys are smooth, confident, intelligent. Ideas, information, wit, trivia, networking... they all matter.
Then there is this other world where all these things don't matter. And the abovementioned sets you apart. "High maintenance" they call it. "The English one" they say. "The very dressed up one", they label.
Then there is this other world where all these things don't matter. And the abovementioned sets you apart. "High maintenance" they call it. "The English one" they say. "The very dressed up one", they label.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Work and Effort
I'm really not very good at the things I'm interested in. I realise that it takes a huge investment of time and effort before I reach the threshold where my rate of improvement starts to accelerate. It usually gets off to a very slow start. And then I either have too little time or I lose interest.
That happened to touch rugby, to netball, to even music and literature, to dance, and I think to acting... There is never enough time to do everything I want to do.
For every attempt at a new avenue, it always takes sheer effort and concentration. Nothing really comes that easily. Either that, or I need to relook my own focus and start measuring it up to the amount of focus that others give to their work or the things to do. I might have been underestimating the amount of effort required at doing things for the last 24 years of my life. And there is always that Eureka moment, the moment when you realise how much effort is actually required. And that is when the sense of awe overcomes you for the first time, when you realise how high the hurdle is. But when the hurdle is crossed, that's when the sense of might and achievement comes.
That happened to touch rugby, to netball, to even music and literature, to dance, and I think to acting... There is never enough time to do everything I want to do.
For every attempt at a new avenue, it always takes sheer effort and concentration. Nothing really comes that easily. Either that, or I need to relook my own focus and start measuring it up to the amount of focus that others give to their work or the things to do. I might have been underestimating the amount of effort required at doing things for the last 24 years of my life. And there is always that Eureka moment, the moment when you realise how much effort is actually required. And that is when the sense of awe overcomes you for the first time, when you realise how high the hurdle is. But when the hurdle is crossed, that's when the sense of might and achievement comes.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Disappointment and Hope
I was in a car with my little Barnabas Club(Sunday School) girl Hannah and her brother Timothy. And you can see that this is a family overflowing with love. Such tenderness goes into how their parents converse with their darlings. Such warmth and love in the bodily gestures and the plans they make together. Yes, this is a family with a God in its midst. There is so much hope in the children's future.
This has been the year of disappointing friendships. I can't be the only party trying, initiating all the time. And I'm reminded of how transient everything I have is. There is no firm foundation to rely on. Every other support system will fail at one point of time, even if it is subjectively so. Except God. I can't read minds. Usually I like to sit down and tackle problems on the head. I want to be a kind, understanding friend, but I need to be able to understand first. But if I'm the only one trying here, isn't that saying something?
I'm tired.
This has been the year of disappointing friendships. I can't be the only party trying, initiating all the time. And I'm reminded of how transient everything I have is. There is no firm foundation to rely on. Every other support system will fail at one point of time, even if it is subjectively so. Except God. I can't read minds. Usually I like to sit down and tackle problems on the head. I want to be a kind, understanding friend, but I need to be able to understand first. But if I'm the only one trying here, isn't that saying something?
I'm tired.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Dylan Thomas speaking to me - To Dana Reeve
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Munich
A thinking man’s action movie is a tagline that wouldn’t do Munich justice. If movies could take personality tests, it would be a choleric/melancholic.
The movie develops in a linear path, give and take the requisite flashbacks to that fateful terrorist attack. It’s a very straightforward movie. No arty pretense to it – typically Spielberg. But its beauty lies in the encapsulation of the inner workings of the characters’ minds.
The passions of both sides are disconcerting for me. They place such immense value on “having a home on earth”. The people are willing to kill and destroy lives just for a few “stone huts and olive trees”. But it does make me wonder why I just don’t care. I simply don’t. Is the apathy a young Singaporean’s failing? Or is it just me? Or maybe it would take a catastrophe or an earth-shaking event to move my patriotism. We don’t have much history behind us. The Israelis had thousands of years of bondage and oppression behind them. The Palestinians have history compounded with indignation. Maybe their history is more tied to their land… their sense of belonging is entrenched in the soil of their forefathers. But we are a migrant people. And are these my excuses?
All the blood that is spilt does not achieve any concrete effect. It merely sends a message, as was admitted by the terrorists in the movie. No one attack can do much in the greater scheme of things. Right after key players are eradicated, new angrier ones arise in their place. Poignantly, this brought a sense of hopelessness and futility in the midst of all that faith and belief. In the end, Eric Bana’s character doesn’t come out of the situation determined and victorious. He becomes destroyed…
Probably one of the best movies I've seen in some time...
The movie develops in a linear path, give and take the requisite flashbacks to that fateful terrorist attack. It’s a very straightforward movie. No arty pretense to it – typically Spielberg. But its beauty lies in the encapsulation of the inner workings of the characters’ minds.
The passions of both sides are disconcerting for me. They place such immense value on “having a home on earth”. The people are willing to kill and destroy lives just for a few “stone huts and olive trees”. But it does make me wonder why I just don’t care. I simply don’t. Is the apathy a young Singaporean’s failing? Or is it just me? Or maybe it would take a catastrophe or an earth-shaking event to move my patriotism. We don’t have much history behind us. The Israelis had thousands of years of bondage and oppression behind them. The Palestinians have history compounded with indignation. Maybe their history is more tied to their land… their sense of belonging is entrenched in the soil of their forefathers. But we are a migrant people. And are these my excuses?
All the blood that is spilt does not achieve any concrete effect. It merely sends a message, as was admitted by the terrorists in the movie. No one attack can do much in the greater scheme of things. Right after key players are eradicated, new angrier ones arise in their place. Poignantly, this brought a sense of hopelessness and futility in the midst of all that faith and belief. In the end, Eric Bana’s character doesn’t come out of the situation determined and victorious. He becomes destroyed…
Probably one of the best movies I've seen in some time...
The art of forgetting
It’s been a few weeks since it all exploded in one big poof of smoke. That anticlimax moment, a sudden revelation at the futility of it all. I thought I was resigned to and accepted it and I thought I had moved on. Weeks after, I’ve been meeting and making new friends, expanding my social circle, as though to replace this one that I had just lost.
But suddenly last night, it all came rushing back to me. I simply have not forgotten. There were no scars, no anger, trauma, emotional ties. No sadness, hate, love, remorse, guilt, heartbreak. But there was regret. A what if that will never come to fruition.
But suddenly last night, it all came rushing back to me. I simply have not forgotten. There were no scars, no anger, trauma, emotional ties. No sadness, hate, love, remorse, guilt, heartbreak. But there was regret. A what if that will never come to fruition.
My Good Week
I’m actually sitting in the office typing this. The past week was a whirl of work, work and more work. Now that I’ve handed it in, I find myself suddenly void of work. What a great way to start my Monday!
Despite the work, the past week has been pleasant… The hours stuck in the office were long, but I thrive on change. Moving up to the 27th floor surrounded by documents wasn’t as bleak as I thought it would be. There were new people to talk to, new people to lunch with, in between meeting with old friends for lunch.
On Tuesday, I checked out the nice Italian place at Ocean Towers with the IP bunch for lunch – Marc, Geri, Jessica and Tim. Except for Marc, I don’t really talk very much to the rest on a usual basis. So that was refreshing. The company and the food was great. (The antipasti was really good!) And then discovered a really nice coffee nook at OCBC Centre called Leo's, courtesy of Jessica. They have really really good coffee. Not diluted, but strong and not too acidic. Hmm… must expand my lunch avenues since I’m going to be working here for quite a while. And must expand my repertoire of lunch kakis. It would be nice to meet up with all the different friends working here for lunch. It’s actually sad that I work here with so many others, but we just don’t bother or don’t have enough time to meet up. Lunch has become a hurried affair in the litigation department. We dabao and do quick lunches in the office now. There’s just so much work.
On Wednesday, I actually walked all the way beyond Far East Square to Sushi Tei to meet Weihao and Darrell. Heh, I think someone had a craving… I’ve never bothered to walk all that way before. So much for saving money for the weekends instead!
The weekends passed by in a blur – a busy blur. Met up with FS for our tete a tete at Kovan’s HK Café. It’s really not bad. I would rate their milk tea above the HK Café at Upper East Coast, which is a tad too sweet. But I think I prefer the French toast at the latter better. Had a pretty good long chat about things. The next day, I met up with Kevin and Pam for Crystal Jade lunch, followed by Munich and then met up with Zach for the treat I always meant to give him for his birthday.
We went to Menotti’s… I’m a big foodie, and warm chocolate cake always takes a special place in my heart… hahaha. The pollo panini was excellent. Paninis remind me of Paris, because I ate so many paninis when I was there. It’s the cheapest way to settle dinner in France when you’re broke. Although paninis made for depressing dinners when I was there, it always brings back fond memories whenever I order it back home. Call it romanticizing the past if you will. I’m a sentimentalist. Pardon the digression, but I only realized just how much of a sentimentalist I am when I saw what my friends filled up for me in my own johari window. I didn’t think to call myself one, but my friends did. And upon reflection(ps, I’m ‘reflective’ too!), I realise that it’s true. I remember the past a tad too vividly, and I treasure fond memories. That can sometimes be dangerous.
One pollo panini and soffiato later (Zach had the scallop tagliatelle and riccioto), we stumbled out of Menotti’s. And I was suddenly weighed down by this immense fatigue. It just dawned on me that no matter how precious weekends were, no matter how I tried to maximize my time and pack in as much friend time as I can within those precious 48 hours or so, it will catch up with my body soon. I can’t keep moving.
I have to learn to be still. Something I also picked up the weekend before at the Tabernacle. And for the past few months, I’ve been moving in a blur, a constant kinetic motion. Never resting, never pausing to appreciate the futility of this constant meeting up, this continuing cycle of weekdays and weekends. Always doing, never thinking Why. Should I stay home and catch up on my reading instead? Or catch up on my downloaded shows? But does that not belong to the kinetic category albeit in a more sedentary fashion?
And then I realize, what am I going to do in my stillness, even if I learnt to rest and learnt to appreciate alone time. I’m not used to it anymore. What if my thoughts awash me and I return to those bleak days?
p.s. Must run off all the food I've been eating all week...
Despite the work, the past week has been pleasant… The hours stuck in the office were long, but I thrive on change. Moving up to the 27th floor surrounded by documents wasn’t as bleak as I thought it would be. There were new people to talk to, new people to lunch with, in between meeting with old friends for lunch.
On Tuesday, I checked out the nice Italian place at Ocean Towers with the IP bunch for lunch – Marc, Geri, Jessica and Tim. Except for Marc, I don’t really talk very much to the rest on a usual basis. So that was refreshing. The company and the food was great. (The antipasti was really good!) And then discovered a really nice coffee nook at OCBC Centre called Leo's, courtesy of Jessica. They have really really good coffee. Not diluted, but strong and not too acidic. Hmm… must expand my lunch avenues since I’m going to be working here for quite a while. And must expand my repertoire of lunch kakis. It would be nice to meet up with all the different friends working here for lunch. It’s actually sad that I work here with so many others, but we just don’t bother or don’t have enough time to meet up. Lunch has become a hurried affair in the litigation department. We dabao and do quick lunches in the office now. There’s just so much work.
On Wednesday, I actually walked all the way beyond Far East Square to Sushi Tei to meet Weihao and Darrell. Heh, I think someone had a craving… I’ve never bothered to walk all that way before. So much for saving money for the weekends instead!
The weekends passed by in a blur – a busy blur. Met up with FS for our tete a tete at Kovan’s HK Café. It’s really not bad. I would rate their milk tea above the HK Café at Upper East Coast, which is a tad too sweet. But I think I prefer the French toast at the latter better. Had a pretty good long chat about things. The next day, I met up with Kevin and Pam for Crystal Jade lunch, followed by Munich and then met up with Zach for the treat I always meant to give him for his birthday.
We went to Menotti’s… I’m a big foodie, and warm chocolate cake always takes a special place in my heart… hahaha. The pollo panini was excellent. Paninis remind me of Paris, because I ate so many paninis when I was there. It’s the cheapest way to settle dinner in France when you’re broke. Although paninis made for depressing dinners when I was there, it always brings back fond memories whenever I order it back home. Call it romanticizing the past if you will. I’m a sentimentalist. Pardon the digression, but I only realized just how much of a sentimentalist I am when I saw what my friends filled up for me in my own johari window. I didn’t think to call myself one, but my friends did. And upon reflection(ps, I’m ‘reflective’ too!), I realise that it’s true. I remember the past a tad too vividly, and I treasure fond memories. That can sometimes be dangerous.
One pollo panini and soffiato later (Zach had the scallop tagliatelle and riccioto), we stumbled out of Menotti’s. And I was suddenly weighed down by this immense fatigue. It just dawned on me that no matter how precious weekends were, no matter how I tried to maximize my time and pack in as much friend time as I can within those precious 48 hours or so, it will catch up with my body soon. I can’t keep moving.
I have to learn to be still. Something I also picked up the weekend before at the Tabernacle. And for the past few months, I’ve been moving in a blur, a constant kinetic motion. Never resting, never pausing to appreciate the futility of this constant meeting up, this continuing cycle of weekdays and weekends. Always doing, never thinking Why. Should I stay home and catch up on my reading instead? Or catch up on my downloaded shows? But does that not belong to the kinetic category albeit in a more sedentary fashion?
And then I realize, what am I going to do in my stillness, even if I learnt to rest and learnt to appreciate alone time. I’m not used to it anymore. What if my thoughts awash me and I return to those bleak days?
p.s. Must run off all the food I've been eating all week...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Beauty
I still can't figure out the criteria by which guys measure and mark out the girls they think are hot. I for one think guys have bad taste, or at least the ones I know have bad taste... Just went out with Zach today. As usual, he keeps pointing out random girls and marking them out as hot. Is "hot" an objective universal criteria? Or is it determined by the cultural norms? For one, most of the girls he picked out look sweet, skinny, and VERY YOUNG. I'm convinced he's a closet paedophile.. hahahahaha. All of that, I'm ashamed to say, look like the typical generic sweet Singaporean girl.
Girls, on the other hand, use a different scale by which to gauge beauty. But I don't think there's a fixed standard. Food for thought. But I'm too tired to go through this now.
Girls, on the other hand, use a different scale by which to gauge beauty. But I don't think there's a fixed standard. Food for thought. But I'm too tired to go through this now.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Saturday
The weekend flew by once again. But I'm trying to make every minute count, which usually ends up with me getting sleep-deprived and going into the office on Monday morning with a very bad grace.
Saturday was spent in Sentosa with the Barnabas Club Touch Kids leaders at a highly technical map-reading version of Amazing Race. It wasn't so bad... I managed to get some sun, which is a really refreshing change! I'm still curious as to why skin-whitening products are popping out everywhere. Tanned skin can be really nice too! White skin can make one look pasty and unhealthy. Unfortunately my tan has disappeared proportionate to the time I spend in the office and indoors in church on weekends...
I headed down to the Tabernacle after Sentosa... spent 3 fruitful hours in the chapel. I laid out an agenda, hoping to seek out the answers to some of the things that have been plaguing me. But it was funny how the moment I planted myself inside the outer courts, I was confronted with a note that said, "seek communion with God, come with no agenda". OK, point taken.
I came out with a reminder from Exodus 14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." I have been seeking and seeking and getting really indignant at the lack of answers, the constant wondering and the angst... And at the end of it, God is actually telling me to just stop fretting and to let Him work instead. I really didn't think of that.
My 3 hours just flew by. It really didn't seem that long. The only clue was that I was getting thirsty and cold. But I was encouraged and touched when Yating suddenly appeared when I emerged, having waited for me for 3 hrs... Hehe thanks so much!!!!
Saturday was spent in Sentosa with the Barnabas Club Touch Kids leaders at a highly technical map-reading version of Amazing Race. It wasn't so bad... I managed to get some sun, which is a really refreshing change! I'm still curious as to why skin-whitening products are popping out everywhere. Tanned skin can be really nice too! White skin can make one look pasty and unhealthy. Unfortunately my tan has disappeared proportionate to the time I spend in the office and indoors in church on weekends...
I headed down to the Tabernacle after Sentosa... spent 3 fruitful hours in the chapel. I laid out an agenda, hoping to seek out the answers to some of the things that have been plaguing me. But it was funny how the moment I planted myself inside the outer courts, I was confronted with a note that said, "seek communion with God, come with no agenda". OK, point taken.
I came out with a reminder from Exodus 14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." I have been seeking and seeking and getting really indignant at the lack of answers, the constant wondering and the angst... And at the end of it, God is actually telling me to just stop fretting and to let Him work instead. I really didn't think of that.
My 3 hours just flew by. It really didn't seem that long. The only clue was that I was getting thirsty and cold. But I was encouraged and touched when Yating suddenly appeared when I emerged, having waited for me for 3 hrs... Hehe thanks so much!!!!
Monday, February 13, 2006
Hebrews - Love
Part of the essence of God's love is to Rejoice when others Rejoice, to Weep when others Weep. It may not be innate. It may not be natural. But we can always try to aspire. Thank God.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
I'm starting to live for the weekends, particularly Fridays and Saturdays, when the days are entirely mine and I'm not accountable to anyone as to how I spend my time. Weekdays are exhausting. I'm always on the ball, always conscious of how I should conduct myself, but I like to think I'm starting to understand a little bit more what is expected of me.
Just when I think I'm getting slightly better job-wise, I'm starting to wonder why my personal life is starting to fall apart, piece by piece. Doubts resurfacing, the lows are coming back. Right now, the people I can confide in are far away. There is no time to meet up with them anymore. Is this what loneliness feels like? Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. The friends are changing. The people I used to confide in have slipped away. I hope it's not just the weak threads of nostalgia that are binding us... I really hope there was more to it, especially since I put so much faith in these ties once.
Anyway, on a positive note, Wala's was wonderful as usual. Jack was stellar, Ray was magnetic. They played Jason Mraz and Matchbox Twenty and Five for Fighting... There was good company, good wine and good food after. Definitely reignited my excitement over the upcoming Jason Mraz concert. There was the climax of the week, the saving grace that made the week great.
The TOUCH KIDZ skit went smoothly too. It's amazing how I tried to approach it like any other performance - learning my lines, making sure my cues were right, ensuring there was interaction with my fellow actors - but in the end, all was tossed to the wind by the response of the audience. Our young 10-12 yr olds responded so violently and so passionately to the simple storyline unfolding on the stage. It really struck me how simple their young minds are now, and it gave me one further peek into these mindsets. Has it been so long, that I've forgotten what it felt like to be at that age? The voice were yelling at the male character not to give in and apologise, the girls were slightly more passive, but they were reacting indignantly to the boys. Hope the ultimate message of love and forgiveness actually reached our target audience!!!
Just when I think I'm getting slightly better job-wise, I'm starting to wonder why my personal life is starting to fall apart, piece by piece. Doubts resurfacing, the lows are coming back. Right now, the people I can confide in are far away. There is no time to meet up with them anymore. Is this what loneliness feels like? Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. The friends are changing. The people I used to confide in have slipped away. I hope it's not just the weak threads of nostalgia that are binding us... I really hope there was more to it, especially since I put so much faith in these ties once.
Anyway, on a positive note, Wala's was wonderful as usual. Jack was stellar, Ray was magnetic. They played Jason Mraz and Matchbox Twenty and Five for Fighting... There was good company, good wine and good food after. Definitely reignited my excitement over the upcoming Jason Mraz concert. There was the climax of the week, the saving grace that made the week great.
The TOUCH KIDZ skit went smoothly too. It's amazing how I tried to approach it like any other performance - learning my lines, making sure my cues were right, ensuring there was interaction with my fellow actors - but in the end, all was tossed to the wind by the response of the audience. Our young 10-12 yr olds responded so violently and so passionately to the simple storyline unfolding on the stage. It really struck me how simple their young minds are now, and it gave me one further peek into these mindsets. Has it been so long, that I've forgotten what it felt like to be at that age? The voice were yelling at the male character not to give in and apologise, the girls were slightly more passive, but they were reacting indignantly to the boys. Hope the ultimate message of love and forgiveness actually reached our target audience!!!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Work week
Monday - Worked and brought work home. Worked some more
Tuesday - Came to work at 8am. Worked till 11pm. Had a marathon lecture organised for all the pupils. Caught the fireworks at 930pm.
Wednesday - Worked. Was treated by my boss. Left at 1030. Caught the fireworks again.
Yup I really wanted to whine. But the week is getting better.
Tuesday - Came to work at 8am. Worked till 11pm. Had a marathon lecture organised for all the pupils. Caught the fireworks at 930pm.
Wednesday - Worked. Was treated by my boss. Left at 1030. Caught the fireworks again.
Yup I really wanted to whine. But the week is getting better.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Right Brain/Left Brain
Brain Lateralization Test Results |
| Right Brain (58%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (32%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain |
personality tests by similarminds.com
Yar.
The Scotland Yard is truly Scottish!!! - Post-Matchpoint Ruminations
Matchpoint is really very refreshing. A quiet beginning - the scenes almost detached, clipped, chartering the rise of the protagonist. It is a very steady, pragmatic, easy ascent into London high society for Chris. Almost too easy. There must be something to make him slip. As the show weaves on, his life starts to fray... In the later half of the movie, even the pace of the movie and the pacing of the scenes become more harried and more drawn out, thus mirroring his thought process. The good life or love? Soon, he would convince himself that it is a battle more of love v lust.
Initially, what seemed like a really stereotypical movie of a complex love story was turned on its head by brilliant direction and abrupt twists and turns. The rise and fall of the protagonist was akin to that of a Shakespearean tragic hero. A modern day Macbeth.
There's something about Jonathan Rhys Meyers' face that reminds me of a painting I once saw in the Louvre. Very Jacques Louis David. No, I actually can't place the artist. I even have a specific painting in mind, but I can't place the artist. But I remember how the light cast a dark shadow across one side of the face, and the other side is bathed in light. Very brooding. And it's amazing how so normal a man could look so majestic with the right paint, the right light. Jonathan Rhys Meyers also possesses the Mediterranean/Italian man charm. He can carry off a Prada outfit like he was born to be in on the cover of a magazine. And he doesn't even have the best bod to begin with.
Everything about the movie spoke of care and precision. The innuendoes in the jokes are so scathing that they blast you in the face. (Spoiler alert: Watch out for the joke about being shell-shocked) And it was so sad when the perfect British lady tried to make a sexual pun on how his tennis serve was "hard" and it just turned out really really lame. But when Scarlett Johanssen made a ball reference, things just heated up for him. Watch out also for the paintings hanging in the gallery as the characters pace through the exhibits. Their significance is also in the subtext.
Woody Allen's gift in this show at least was to highlight the stereotypes and celebrate it. The hot-blooded white trash American v well-groomed upper class British lady comparison was a tad old, but hey, it works. How about the many very cold, very polite dinnertable conversations the upper class British had about "how tragic" were the numerous famines and earthquakes and murders that were happening around the world. Similarly, lovemaking in the rain? In the countryside? puh-lease. But it was done with panache, tongue in cheek. Even the Scotland Yard were 2 Scottish men!!!
Love v Lust... how does one tell sometimes? In his case I believe it was the latter. But he led an existence dependent on this Emotion, this Feeling that he had believed was Love. It took such a major event to make him realise the truth. And when revelation comes, so many in its path suffer. Scarlett Johansson's character, Nola, was like a sacrificial lamb in his path to enlightenment.
Affluence v Sticking to one's principles and Living one's life for oneself - Another scary thing about this theme in the movie was that no matter how strongly I felt towards the latter, every time a scene unfolded with a beautiful model home or a gorgeous mahogany library laden with antiques and vintage books, I started to covet. No matter how convicted I am that I will choose the latter, inevitably, unconsciously, I am naturally drawn to what is beautiful and perfect. That is the lifestyle I covet. I will not go to those ends to seek it, but it will always be something I yearn for...
Initially, what seemed like a really stereotypical movie of a complex love story was turned on its head by brilliant direction and abrupt twists and turns. The rise and fall of the protagonist was akin to that of a Shakespearean tragic hero. A modern day Macbeth.
There's something about Jonathan Rhys Meyers' face that reminds me of a painting I once saw in the Louvre. Very Jacques Louis David. No, I actually can't place the artist. I even have a specific painting in mind, but I can't place the artist. But I remember how the light cast a dark shadow across one side of the face, and the other side is bathed in light. Very brooding. And it's amazing how so normal a man could look so majestic with the right paint, the right light. Jonathan Rhys Meyers also possesses the Mediterranean/Italian man charm. He can carry off a Prada outfit like he was born to be in on the cover of a magazine. And he doesn't even have the best bod to begin with.
Everything about the movie spoke of care and precision. The innuendoes in the jokes are so scathing that they blast you in the face. (Spoiler alert: Watch out for the joke about being shell-shocked) And it was so sad when the perfect British lady tried to make a sexual pun on how his tennis serve was "hard" and it just turned out really really lame. But when Scarlett Johanssen made a ball reference, things just heated up for him. Watch out also for the paintings hanging in the gallery as the characters pace through the exhibits. Their significance is also in the subtext.
Woody Allen's gift in this show at least was to highlight the stereotypes and celebrate it. The hot-blooded white trash American v well-groomed upper class British lady comparison was a tad old, but hey, it works. How about the many very cold, very polite dinnertable conversations the upper class British had about "how tragic" were the numerous famines and earthquakes and murders that were happening around the world. Similarly, lovemaking in the rain? In the countryside? puh-lease. But it was done with panache, tongue in cheek. Even the Scotland Yard were 2 Scottish men!!!
Love v Lust... how does one tell sometimes? In his case I believe it was the latter. But he led an existence dependent on this Emotion, this Feeling that he had believed was Love. It took such a major event to make him realise the truth. And when revelation comes, so many in its path suffer. Scarlett Johansson's character, Nola, was like a sacrificial lamb in his path to enlightenment.
Affluence v Sticking to one's principles and Living one's life for oneself - Another scary thing about this theme in the movie was that no matter how strongly I felt towards the latter, every time a scene unfolded with a beautiful model home or a gorgeous mahogany library laden with antiques and vintage books, I started to covet. No matter how convicted I am that I will choose the latter, inevitably, unconsciously, I am naturally drawn to what is beautiful and perfect. That is the lifestyle I covet. I will not go to those ends to seek it, but it will always be something I yearn for...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
bugger... My New Year Resolution was tossed to the wind when I went into the shower yesterday morning. Forgot to shampoo, but did the whole conditioning thing. And I was wondering why my hair felt weird when I was blowdrying...
Yes, Mondays never start well. Especially after the high that most Sundays bring. Sundays have become somewhat routine nowadys, what with Touchkidz and then church and then the debate about what else to do on a nice Sunday afternoon. This time round, went out with Ady and Zach and watched Memoirs. The book is infinitely better. The whole world of the geisha cannot be fastforwarded and inserted into a 2 hr time slot. But there are parts I appreciate. I'm v visual, so watching scenes unfold in front of me help add a bit more to that world of geisha in my head. And I didn't fall asleep in the movie at all!!!!! The cinematography was beautiful, and the scenes are painted in grey muted tones that remind me of Tokyo when I visited. It must be all that rain.
My conversations with a group of two or more people often degenerate into a "suan" Jess fest. This was in a league of its own. Had the usual "I am dao, what's wrong?" dissection. Conclusion? "I can't do anything about it, so get on with it."
Yes, Mondays never start well. Especially after the high that most Sundays bring. Sundays have become somewhat routine nowadys, what with Touchkidz and then church and then the debate about what else to do on a nice Sunday afternoon. This time round, went out with Ady and Zach and watched Memoirs. The book is infinitely better. The whole world of the geisha cannot be fastforwarded and inserted into a 2 hr time slot. But there are parts I appreciate. I'm v visual, so watching scenes unfold in front of me help add a bit more to that world of geisha in my head. And I didn't fall asleep in the movie at all!!!!! The cinematography was beautiful, and the scenes are painted in grey muted tones that remind me of Tokyo when I visited. It must be all that rain.
My conversations with a group of two or more people often degenerate into a "suan" Jess fest. This was in a league of its own. Had the usual "I am dao, what's wrong?" dissection. Conclusion? "I can't do anything about it, so get on with it."
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
blah...apathy
got the results for my bar today. i passed. it was a very anticlimax moment because basically everyone passed. and since i wasn't aiming for the top 20 places, i wasn't feeling very excited about it. I couldn't even feel worried about the results. i suppose that's a good thing? it went like this:
Friend X: "good new, no one at A&G failed!!"
Me: "Oh."
there was tremendous apathy at the subcourts today. didn't feel like talking to people. didn't feel like asking people the random questions about how work was, how their weekend went, the typical small talk. it's amazing how i still fail to know myself. at times, i think that small talk and getting to know new people is my domain. superficiality has been my mainstay. at other times, i feel like i'm the odd one out. the antisocial one. having to go the extra mile to be friendly and obliging. what's wrong?
things have settled somewhat. i wake up, attempt to jog, go to work, work, go home. on weekends, i go out, go church, blah blah blah. what's next?
p.s. my coffee cravings have become an addiction. I was actually nodding off most of the morning because I was SO SLEEPY. Kept thinking of my mocha valencia from starbucks.
Friend X: "good new, no one at A&G failed!!"
Me: "Oh."
there was tremendous apathy at the subcourts today. didn't feel like talking to people. didn't feel like asking people the random questions about how work was, how their weekend went, the typical small talk. it's amazing how i still fail to know myself. at times, i think that small talk and getting to know new people is my domain. superficiality has been my mainstay. at other times, i feel like i'm the odd one out. the antisocial one. having to go the extra mile to be friendly and obliging. what's wrong?
things have settled somewhat. i wake up, attempt to jog, go to work, work, go home. on weekends, i go out, go church, blah blah blah. what's next?
p.s. my coffee cravings have become an addiction. I was actually nodding off most of the morning because I was SO SLEEPY. Kept thinking of my mocha valencia from starbucks.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Bleak mood
It was very surreal going back to the workplace on Monday. Like a parallel reality. After a weekend spent in the most unnatural setting witnessing something out of the natural order, going back to the normal routine became the rude shock to the system. Having to read cases, understanding the cases, processing the information, proved too much at one point.
And more mixed feelings entered the fray. Insecurities, realisations, awakenings... these bubbled to the surface. I started to doubt my friendships, started to distrust the people I considered close friends, wondered why my support system was so lacking, and I pointed the arrow at myself. Maybe the people I thought were my friends weren't my friends. Or, they were my friends but just innately incapable of reaching out.
Everything my spiritual family has built up has been shaken at the core. And yet, I sense that we will draw closer after this. It's an abrupt end but it's a reminder for us to live for NOW. No postponements, no more hesitations and no more taking others for granted. I'm going to appreciate people NOW. How many of us take our youth for granted? I take pride in the fact that I run, swim, play sports, and attempt to be active and dabble in varied interests. I like to think that I make full use of the energy God has blessed me with, but have I really really seized the day in the full sense of the term? Who is to say I am immune? Immediately I am reminded of Rachel.
The worst thing is that so many people I care about are affected by this. The heaviness and gloom on Sunday was simply unbearable.
And at the end of the day, I will leave with one phrase:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings.
And more mixed feelings entered the fray. Insecurities, realisations, awakenings... these bubbled to the surface. I started to doubt my friendships, started to distrust the people I considered close friends, wondered why my support system was so lacking, and I pointed the arrow at myself. Maybe the people I thought were my friends weren't my friends. Or, they were my friends but just innately incapable of reaching out.
Everything my spiritual family has built up has been shaken at the core. And yet, I sense that we will draw closer after this. It's an abrupt end but it's a reminder for us to live for NOW. No postponements, no more hesitations and no more taking others for granted. I'm going to appreciate people NOW. How many of us take our youth for granted? I take pride in the fact that I run, swim, play sports, and attempt to be active and dabble in varied interests. I like to think that I make full use of the energy God has blessed me with, but have I really really seized the day in the full sense of the term? Who is to say I am immune? Immediately I am reminded of Rachel.
The worst thing is that so many people I care about are affected by this. The heaviness and gloom on Sunday was simply unbearable.
And at the end of the day, I will leave with one phrase:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Shock and Lessons learnt
Lesson 1: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.
But my heart will choose to say
Blessed be His name
Incidentally, Zach said that very line to me and I burst out crying.
Lesson 2: Seize the day. Use the talents God has given to you wisely. No point saving them up for a rainy day, because who knows what the future holds?
God has His way, but we will only understand in His time.
But my heart will choose to say
Blessed be His name
Incidentally, Zach said that very line to me and I burst out crying.
Lesson 2: Seize the day. Use the talents God has given to you wisely. No point saving them up for a rainy day, because who knows what the future holds?
God has His way, but we will only understand in His time.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
*slurp*Ok, this is actually the most viscous hot chocolate I've ever tasted, not coffee, but this is my ideal way to spend the afternoon... at a cafe, with a coffee or chocolate, whiling away the day with good conversation or a book... Cold weather is preferable.
When is the next time I can take time off to do this??!!
Coffee Buzz
Arrrggh. I'm on caffeine overdrive now. I've been frequenting Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Spinelli's regularly... It's always the mocha and its derivatives for me, thank you. Besides that, the nice pantry auntie always refills her coffee pot with fresh coffee, complete with condensed milk and a nice dash of milo. I've upgraded from 1 cup to about 2-3 cups a day. And I've only just started working!
The type of coffee is not only supposedly high in calories(Someone told me it was 400 per cup). But hahahaha... the coffee joint itself is a ripe target for anti-capitalists and terrorists!!! Recently, the central San Francisco joint was the target of a bomb attack. A bomb was found inside the outlet. Mmmm, but Starbucks is simply wonderful. I'm also a fan of all the various coffee joints in Australia. The Australians really know how to make a good brew. And they know how to twist their coffees for all the non-purists out there like me. Gloria Jean's, which has made a sad departure from the Singapore scene a while back, has a truffle ice-blend that is so sinful but so droolworthy. The other Australian joints, whose names I cannot recall now, also serve up some very tempting creations. To be back in Aussie land for a cuppa....... sigh. That's the stuff of dreams now. haha
That said, I'm surviving on artifical life support - caffeine. Without it, I would be lethargic, grumpy, sleepy, listless. And that's really scary, to think that I've become a coffee junkie. My highs have become HIGHS. And my lows have become even lower now! My life is already governed by extremes. THIS MUST CHANGE.
The type of coffee is not only supposedly high in calories(Someone told me it was 400 per cup). But hahahaha... the coffee joint itself is a ripe target for anti-capitalists and terrorists!!! Recently, the central San Francisco joint was the target of a bomb attack. A bomb was found inside the outlet. Mmmm, but Starbucks is simply wonderful. I'm also a fan of all the various coffee joints in Australia. The Australians really know how to make a good brew. And they know how to twist their coffees for all the non-purists out there like me. Gloria Jean's, which has made a sad departure from the Singapore scene a while back, has a truffle ice-blend that is so sinful but so droolworthy. The other Australian joints, whose names I cannot recall now, also serve up some very tempting creations. To be back in Aussie land for a cuppa....... sigh. That's the stuff of dreams now. haha
That said, I'm surviving on artifical life support - caffeine. Without it, I would be lethargic, grumpy, sleepy, listless. And that's really scary, to think that I've become a coffee junkie. My highs have become HIGHS. And my lows have become even lower now! My life is already governed by extremes. THIS MUST CHANGE.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Thank God the hectic weekend was over. And thank God for pulling me through this tiring week. Had to skip lunch and dinners and basically sat in front of the computer for 14 hrs, give and take the odd toilet break and the random joke in the pupils' room. Can feel my muscles in atrophy. But the weekend ended well.
I woke up on Saturday morning at precisely 645am, wondering what day of the week it was, my body ready to spring out of bed automatically. Then I remembered. And I felt really really happy.
I also picked up the Purpose Driven Life again, after abandoning it for a good 6 months. I feel really ignorant about so many things. I need to start reading and learning again, apart from law. Need to broaden my perspectives and stop looking inwards. And God said that trials are there to build us up and to mould us to become more like Him. I knew that from the start, but it was comforting to hear it again. All the issues that dog me for years really make sense. They are there to break me, to cast down my pride and to make me see my irrelevance without this God I serve. This will always be hard, especially when I compare myself to the others around me. And at the cinemas today and even walking along Marina Square with Zach yesterday, I felt a pinch of fear and sadness.
Heh, I'm going down the list of alternative occupations. Suddenly teaching doesn't seem so hard anymore. Cake baking ranks pretty high now too.
I woke up on Saturday morning at precisely 645am, wondering what day of the week it was, my body ready to spring out of bed automatically. Then I remembered. And I felt really really happy.
I also picked up the Purpose Driven Life again, after abandoning it for a good 6 months. I feel really ignorant about so many things. I need to start reading and learning again, apart from law. Need to broaden my perspectives and stop looking inwards. And God said that trials are there to build us up and to mould us to become more like Him. I knew that from the start, but it was comforting to hear it again. All the issues that dog me for years really make sense. They are there to break me, to cast down my pride and to make me see my irrelevance without this God I serve. This will always be hard, especially when I compare myself to the others around me. And at the cinemas today and even walking along Marina Square with Zach yesterday, I felt a pinch of fear and sadness.
Heh, I'm going down the list of alternative occupations. Suddenly teaching doesn't seem so hard anymore. Cake baking ranks pretty high now too.
NY Resolutions
2 main resolutions this year...
1. I shall be more alert and more conscious about my surroundings. I need to be shrewder or sharper.
2. I have to stop putting up a face for the world.
Yup, just two. Plus the usual resolution to lose weight of course=)
1. I shall be more alert and more conscious about my surroundings. I need to be shrewder or sharper.
2. I have to stop putting up a face for the world.
Yup, just two. Plus the usual resolution to lose weight of course=)
Monday, January 02, 2006
First weekend of 2006
Just experienced the busiest weekend ever... Had last minute research shoved at me on Friday, just half hour before work was supposed to end. And there was the retreat. Plus the performance and the full dress rehearsals on Sunday. Then I had to start on the research right after the show. Things were happening fast and furious. But it was pretty exhilarating. It's far better than sitting and not having anything to do. It also marks the longest period that I've gone with less than 5.5 h sleep. I've been sleep-deprived since Dec 6 and I'm still counting. I should write a book on my experiences and get people to do tests on me. Perhaps the tests will show that I'm ageing at twice the pace of my sleep-nourished peers. Maybe I'm twice Lihui's age. haha.
Leisure is such a precious commodity now. I entered retreat feeling a little stunned at the weekend before me. But I was appreciative of the company, the comfort of having friends who try to understand. I also realise that my social circles are starting a seismic shift. Previously, my social circles revolved around school, around hall. Church was subsidiary. Older friends mattered a lot. Nowadays, I seem to be involved in church things more and more. Not everyone is familiar and intimate with me, but faces are imprinted in my mind now. If I'm going to be in this community, I better start getting to know the people around me better. I need to figure out where I want my primary community to be and engage more with them. The thing about church is that, we only engage with such a small sector of the network. I'm uncomfortable with small settings. It stifles me sometimes.
I'll be writing my thoughts on the retreat for the network website soon. Right now, I'll have to collect my thoughts and do some thinking for 2006!
Leisure is such a precious commodity now. I entered retreat feeling a little stunned at the weekend before me. But I was appreciative of the company, the comfort of having friends who try to understand. I also realise that my social circles are starting a seismic shift. Previously, my social circles revolved around school, around hall. Church was subsidiary. Older friends mattered a lot. Nowadays, I seem to be involved in church things more and more. Not everyone is familiar and intimate with me, but faces are imprinted in my mind now. If I'm going to be in this community, I better start getting to know the people around me better. I need to figure out where I want my primary community to be and engage more with them. The thing about church is that, we only engage with such a small sector of the network. I'm uncomfortable with small settings. It stifles me sometimes.
I'll be writing my thoughts on the retreat for the network website soon. Right now, I'll have to collect my thoughts and do some thinking for 2006!
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