My Lovely Holiday

Back... It had been the best best trip... I saw the struggling developing world that is Morocco, and then I returned to the Land of our Imperial colonial masters... haha. I like to think that I ran back into the arms of civilisation with a blast of relief. But of course, that makes me sound utterly spoilt. Hmmm.

Morocco was great. For 8 days anyway. Anymore and I would have to kill one of the stray men who yelled out "Konichiwa" or "Kombawa" to us. And it wasn't that they were being polite. They were just teasing a reply out you. For two days we ignored the more than 40 catcalls we got per day. Then, we thought we came up with a good retort: "Je ne suis pa Japonais" (I am not Japanese!)This followed with a "Korean? Chinois? Americain?" Then after that, we learnt that silence was the best medicine. But we still got the occasional "Racist?" ??!!!

And then there were the hamsup men. HAMSUP MEN WHO TOUCHED US ANYWAY AND AT ANY CHANCE THEY COULD!!! I have been caressed, stroked, hugged, nicknamed, and had beard bristling against my cheek at every opportunity!!! Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but being Chinese and travelling with another girl is a surefire way to encourage these young Moroccan guys. Hmmph!!!

But you know what, amidst all that inconvenience that is horny Moroccan men, I had a fab time in Morocco. I travelled to lesser trekked parts of Marrakesh with dear Kris, like the Jewish area and the tanneries, and came back unscathed and somewhat tougher. There were slightly nervewrecking moments, like when we were surrounded by guys demanding money for the tanneries. Or at the Jewish area, where we did not know where we were going and we kept getting this weird guy following us.

Whatever it was, these little rough escapades were what made Morocco exciting. You never know what the day will bring. And I think I learnt from Kris the art of standing up for oneself. (That was how I learnt how to yell at the guy at the lift today... the one who called E* bitch for no reason whatsoever)

Kris was also lovely company. I think the company is always the most important. If conversation is shitty, or if you are having a fight with the person you are travelling with, u ain't going to have a ball of a time.

And I can never forget the Sahara, with its sweeping sand dunes. The shadows playing against the smooth sand. When you walk on it, it's like destroying something that was really beautiful. Even if you know the dunes are temporal.

And how beautiful the Djenna el Fena looked from above in the roof top terrace of a café. How the colours change within the hour. And how the drums sound as people swarmed to the square in droves. And then the smoke swirls from above the food stalls as people mill around. And then all the lights start blinking and flaring. And the ever steady beat of the drum was like the rousing heart beat of a sole organism. Cliché I know.

Then to UK I went. I was very relieved to be part of a more civil society once more, a place where I won’t get harassed every 30 seconds.

I had quite a bit of relaxing me-time in UK. Time to think. Time to ponder. Time to just appreciate my surroundings. Things I haven’t done for some time. And immediately, Ecclesiastes comes to mind=) In UK, this time round, it was good to be with my friends, who were really hospitable and who were there for me. There were quite a few ‘first’ experiences too. Here are some of the highlights. Most of them are food highlights:

1. Carluccio’s
We went to Carluccio’s – This delightful Italian restaurant near Oxford Circus. Set up by some celebrity chef, it serves light Italian fare with a slight twist. I had this penne with fried spinach balls and done aglio olio. I can’t stop thinking about it. The mushroom soup was done as a clear soup with huge chunks of bacon and mushroom swirling in it, with a rich thick foccacia on the side. Yum… … There was a Jamie Oliver quality to this restaurant. It was light fare, nothing to pompous or fancy. Comfort food.

2. Jazz performance
I went to Kevin’s Jazz performance at the Royal College of Art café. This is what being an undergrad is like in UK!!! Kevin’s in this jazz band that performs regularly at such venues to undergraduates. It was fun to be part of the younger crowd again, and to see how their undergrads live life in London. I like the scene here. Made me feel young again, especially when everyone got up and started to dance at the end. It was very difficult to dance to some of the music, but they all just bobbed up and down on the spot! Hats off to them for their spontaneity and enthusiasm man… Kristin was telling me about how they used to hang out in US. And this reminded her so much of her experience there. Sometimes I wish I knew or understood her experience in US more.


3. Cambridge
I went to Cambridge by myself. It didn’t have the best weather, but it made me feel so relaxed and at ease. I haven’t felt like that in the longest time… I went to a few of the colleges, walked around Lion’s Yard, walked up and down a few times, had the best pecan tart at a popular patisserie… I had a blast=)


4. Kobe Jones!!!
I went to Kobe Jones, a Jap Fusion restaurant. When Kevin was waxing lyrical about it, I didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t in Kristin’s Zagat guide because it just opened a few months ago. But after going there, I have discovered a whole new category of cuisine… honestly. It’s opened my eyes in more ways than one.. haha. The food is awesome. I didn’t know that such things could be done to Japanese food!!! And then I really started to understand what it meant to DINE IN LONDON. Dining in London is a holistic experience. It’s not just about the food. The ambience, the service, the conversation and the alcohol…. They all make up parts of what good entertainment is. And London is the place to go. I couldn’t think of a single place in Singapore that even bears a slight resemblance to the experience I had there. Try the “Number 1 Special”($4.50) when you get there people. It sounds really dubious, but you won’t regret it. Kevin, you officially have good taste in my book!


5. Plays
I watched 2 plays – Woman in Black and Boeing Boeing. I REALLY REALLY LOVED THE FIRST ONE. It was something I’ve always heard about it and I have been dying to check it out since Mr Perry talked about it in our lit class! Teachers can really plant seeds into students’ minds. I had been carrying this with me the last 7 years. And it has lived to its expectations. I never really thought I could be scared and freaked by something that is playing out live.

BOEING BOEING was good too. Light-hearted but a little draggy at some parts.


6. Yauatcha
But the highlight of the night has to be Yauatcha. It’s this high-end place which serves good fancy dim sum (catered to ang mohs of course) It was set up by Allan Yau, the man behind wagamama and hakkasan. I was won over by their ostrich dumplings, crispy Mongolian lamb, and venison puffs (which taste and look like char siew puffs). Upon entering, you realize that it has elements of a typical Chinese restaurant. It’s very tongue in cheek. There is your requisite aquarium, but with fancy fish instead of fish to be served as food. There is also the typical Chinese peonies/flowers by the side of the cashier. But they are done up in a stylistic manner.

And that’s where the similarities end. This is high end London fare for you. It’s like the supposed latest place to be seen. I personally don’t go to such places, but I must say that the food really impressed. Plus, you can tell that care and attention has been given to the smallest details, from the black marble of the washrooms and the terraced sinks, to the stylish faux cheongsams that the waitresses wear.

Kusu Island - nature reef walk turned fright fest

Kusu - Never underestimate your power to be grossed out!

While I'm at it... here's Australia!!!

Aussie

Morocco - Land of Brilliant Sunrises, Sheep's heads, escargots with attached antenna, Hamsup men & Conical-shaped earthenware

Morocco

LONDON

London

Seduction

HMMPH!!!!!!!!!!

blah

I'm feeling really really down. I think it's the fact that when I look around, everyone is moving on as the years go on. Everyone is moving onto the different phases of life - settling down, growing in their ministries, building families, etc. And there's always some improvement or some upgrade in their lives when we meet up. I look back and it's only been a few years since I entered into university, but already so many things have happened.

But I find myself reaching some plateau. I'm not moving in. I'm stuck in traction. Maybe it's the CNY blues, the fact that I have more free time on my hands this period is probably not a good thing. I don't want to live only for the present. I want to live for a tomorrow. And I like to think that the next day is painted with hope. But it never ever is.

Haha, and frivolous it may seem, surfing friendster.com is also not a good thing. I see the lives of my friends constantly changing. New updates all the time.

When I meet friends, they always ask, "any updates? what's new?" And I always shrug the shoulders: "Same old, nothing has changed." And at that moment, I always feel a sense of loss and defeatism.

Yes, I'm feeling very defeated. Stuck. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel God is helping me very much.

I want to move on.

My heart does beat a little faster when I think about this. But maybe I'm just setting myself up for raw disappointment again? Maybe I'm presenting a biased view of the facts?

I should be taking charge of my own life, instead of waiting ardently at the benches for my train to come.

But I don't dare. I'm too proud.

Dumb for days

Yes, I am officially dumb. I can't talk. I can only whisper... I can't even croak.

As a result, I can't speak to clients. Joleen, my secretary, has to talk to them on the phone for me, while I sadly type out my response. She then reads out my response to the sympathetic client/solicitor at the other end of the line. I never felt so helpless and reliant on others since I was a kid.

I can't even order food... I can't order anything that requires stating the item that I need. So that means no coffee for me, nothing that I can't order by pointing to.

I get laughs and amused smiles when I whisper "I have no voice" to the person who is valiantly trying to converse with me. And when they do try to talk to me, all of them do it with soft inaudible tones too. I think they are influenced by my whispering. Honestly.

And I can't talk in certain settings because it's too loud to whisper. I can't plan lunch appointments because no one is going to want to talk to someone who can't talk back! Arrghh.

But I also see the nice caring sides of people. Of the random people who rally around offering me pipagao or suggest remedies to salve the throat. Of the kind pupil who passed me a box of Chinese lozenges, to the good friend who retrieved a whole jar of honey left from a Christmas gift for my own use.

I want my voice back!!! Grrrr....

(This week, I'll have a shot at being dumb AND being blind since I'm going for LASIK on thursday and Friday... pray for me!!!)

And I don't know why I keep torturing myself. I thought I was above it all.... ...

restless

I am getting a restless vibe. It's a feeling that something is just round the corner and I can't focus on the present because of it. It seems like something will be happening very soon. And I can't wait to find out what it is. Then again, maybe it's just a fleeting feeling, one that comes and goes. I can't explain it.

I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn and my heart is beating so loudly and quickly that I am incapable of rest. Insomnia has struck yet again.

I am also irrationally happy. I can't explain it. And I don't know what it is. But it's really distracting me from my surroundings, and making me incapable of focusing.

Maybe it's the monotony that has hit just a bit too hard. It has hit so hard that now it has resulted in my construction of an anticipation or expectation that 2007 will bring something more soon. It's making me wait and wonder. For nothing. The ennui has become a false high. Does that make sense?!

2007

Zam v PP
The criminal appeal is finally over. I think it's left a bad taste in my mouth. But I don't regret ever taking it up. It was very scary, especially when you know a life is in your hands. Plus you are on the side with all the disadvantages. The prosecution will always have the upper hand, no matter what they say about "Innocent until proven guilty". I don't believe in that anymore. My client was a dead man from the start.

I don't believe that all is fair and that my client would have received due process of the law. @#$%^ I like to think that I came out of it having learnt a bit more about what justice in the courts is like. And 'nuff said.

When it came out in the papers, I didn't read it at first. I just heard that my name was mentioned, and not in a good way. This made me freak out quite a bit, until I read the article and heaved a sigh of relief. Yes, my name was mentioned. But thankfully, not in a bad light. I was honestly frightened of being implicated.


Others things
This has been a pretty slow week at the office. I don't have very much to do. It's making a bit concerned, because everywhere I turn, people are busy. Even the intern is busier than me! Many people are involved in NKF, so I don't see the NKF team at all. They are just rushing from place to place. Brings back fond memories of my time during the BGC trial=)

I felt like shit then. Even though I complain about having too much capacity now, it feels really good to be able to walk out of the office at 615. I stil feel guilty walking out so early with my bag. But I'm determined to seize this free time for ME time. It's good that Sanctification week at church is falling in my office lull period.

Time to do the following in my Lull period:
1. Planning for 2007
- This is my year of thinking through my future. I'm not going to waste my youth and then realise I have so many dreams that just remained dreams. I'm lazy and I have inertia, but I'm determined to overcome that to fulfil some of the wishes I have. I just hope God and I have the same dream.

- I want to plan for my personal life, my career and my ministry. What does God have in store for me? I need to find out, and to do this, I need more time by myself to go through this.

- This is also a year of trying to improve in the skills I have now. I'm really a jack of all trades and master of none. My interests are fleeting. But I know that if I stick to something, I can really become good at it. But nothing has caught my eye for more than a short period of time.

2. Salsa
- I kickstarted 2007 with salsa. I just went to Union Square on Saturday, and it was really great. It made me realise I have so much to improve. I hadn't touched salsa for about 7 months, so now I feel like the worst one in my class. But I won't stay last for long!!!

- I can't see how some guys can go to Union Square every single day though. There are so many other things to do. How does one find the time and the dedication to go every single day? Hats off to them.

3. Lasik!!!
- I'm feeling a bit nervous about this. It's scheduled to fall on the days right before CNY Eve. Hope it goes well...

4. ... ... ...
- I don't know what 2007 has in store for me, but I'm curious to find out how God brings me through this year. I'll be 25. That's the year my skin officially starts aging!!! I am getting physically old, although mentally and emotionally, I don't feel that grounded yet. There are so many things to think through, so many plans to make for the future. Nothing is certain. I look at my married friends and wonder if marriage is what makes the difference. Those who are getting married or who have already taken that step are already in the next phase of their lives. I don't know where I am going. But should it be dependent on whether I get married? I don't think so. I think this maturity should arrive regardless of whether there is a partner to share these things with. And I guess this is something I have to learn.

For the past few years, the area of relationships have just hit a wall. I don't know what my journey will be in this area. It had been either fleeting or it had boiled down to nothing. Eventually. My girlfriends and my er, 'privileged guy friends' would be privy to all the little incidents here and there that have happened the past few years. Thanks for being my confidantes.

My sister's professor died and was buried last Saturday. As a professor of sociology for many years, he has managed to touch many lives. Many apparently came to mourn over his death, and to bid him a final farewell. The eulogies were touching, students were reminescing about what a great mentor and friend he had been...

Of course, all these were not witnessed first hand, but through a source - my sister.

And yet, I couldn't help wondering, as a litigation lawyer, what my funeral would be like. This job comes with a trade-off. Who would attend my funeral? Clients wouldn't be queueing up to say goodbye to lawyers. What would they say? "She was efficient" or "She was a good drafter"?

Future Sex/Love Sounds

I really like Justin Timberlake's new album Future Sex/Love Sounds. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it. It's a teenage girl's dream. He has managed to maintain his Mickey Mouse Club cheeky persona while being able to break the ranks into quasi adulthood by dating Cameron Diaz. Not bad. And the contrast with the ever-fading Britney Spears really helps.

His sound is much more mature now, as is his image. I have almost forgotten that messy head of curls, those of N'Sync. Almost.

But you know what, there's an insousiance about him that is very charming. Not everyone can pull it off. It must be his Mickey Mouse Club street cred=p

His new album is great. I really really like some of the songs on the album, especially MyLove. Time to download the rest of the album!!!

My very own December holidays

Just back from the holidays and sort of well-rested. "Sort of" only because my version of being well-rested and refreshed usually involves urban trekking in some great European city or some exotic highway in the US. THAT is the ideal.

Contrary to the norm I once knew, staying in Singapore and hanging out in places I haven't been to in a while is exciting and refreshing too. I didn't appreciate ECP so much until I got to savour it during office hours! Running along east coast park was great. Thank God for the beautiful weather, the clouds, the wind, the waves, even the dragonflies. I'm a naturalist. The beach appeals to my senses. And I can see the Divine in His handiwork.

I also savoured the passive moments - sitting at Caffebar drinking a coffee and penning down my thoughts, watching people at Level one of Parkway Parade stroll past towards the sale at Marks&Sparks... Thinking, planning, making resolutions, crafting my ideas for the year ahead... Thank God for this hiatus for me to rest and just be myself. Without having to be someone's employee, someone's colleague, someone's legal slave!

And now the loneliness sets in a tad, but in a calm and passive way. There is no manic depression, no pessimistic thoughts. Rather, it is a sanguine awareness of how God's plans fall into place. I have ideas about how I want 2007 to start. I just need to start executing them.

This rest period was also catch up time to do mundane things like catching the latest movies. I got to catch Night at the Museum, Borat, Blood Diamonds and The Holiday. I also got to watch two seasons worth of Prison Break at one go on one stormy rainy day and a few other quiet nights. That makes it almost 24 hours worth of Wentworth Miller.