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I'm feeling really really down. I think it's the fact that when I look around, everyone is moving on as the years go on. Everyone is moving onto the different phases of life - settling down, growing in their ministries, building families, etc. And there's always some improvement or some upgrade in their lives when we meet up. I look back and it's only been a few years since I entered into university, but already so many things have happened.

But I find myself reaching some plateau. I'm not moving in. I'm stuck in traction. Maybe it's the CNY blues, the fact that I have more free time on my hands this period is probably not a good thing. I don't want to live only for the present. I want to live for a tomorrow. And I like to think that the next day is painted with hope. But it never ever is.

Haha, and frivolous it may seem, surfing friendster.com is also not a good thing. I see the lives of my friends constantly changing. New updates all the time.

When I meet friends, they always ask, "any updates? what's new?" And I always shrug the shoulders: "Same old, nothing has changed." And at that moment, I always feel a sense of loss and defeatism.

Yes, I'm feeling very defeated. Stuck. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel God is helping me very much.

I want to move on.