I am just going to cut to the chase here. No point being cryptic.

I don't know what's going on, but having the pall of grief hanging over my community was so bad once. Now to have it hit twice in less than 3 months... And I just realised that the first time I had any contact with these 2 people was when we went jogging at the retreat in Sembawang, at the campsite. Now 2 of them are gone.

The deja vu is stifling. JW's "and here we go again" still rings in my head. Both happened on Saturday. Both memorial services were on Sunday. Both funerals would be on Tuesday. Both in Mandai. The spiritual father and spiritual son have reunited so quickly.

And I can't help hearing a voice in my head, and I don't know if it comes from God. This voice asks if I love Him enough to give up my life for His cause. And I cannot say Yes yet. This voice asks if I'm ready to play my part in the great commission, whether or not it involves dying before my time. There's too much to anticipate, too much to look forward to. Just one month ago, my sis woke up with a very bad dream and the very heavy burden to pray for my protection. She told me she sensed danger coming my way. The whole of yesterday, I couldn't help looking around me in church, wondering what would come next. So many have been getting sick. There has been internal strife. Death has already struck. What worse thing could be thrown our way?

We must be doing something wonderful and powerful for the devil to be so afraid that he has to attempt to wage some spiritual battle with us. In fact, I think we are going to emerge much stronger and more united for it. Because we have shared so much grief together. It's really a cement. I never thought our network was really united because we are actually quite a disparate bunch. The various groups are just so different. But grief provides a commonality. And I feel so much more attuned and aware that this is a real war. The spiritual realm is very much amongst us, no matter how oblivious we are to it.

Our bodies expire, but we don't. Our souls will continue to live long and hard. This is just the trial phase, our baby steps. In a sense, if someone were to leave this earth prematurely, maybe it's because God has decided that he's learnt how to walk. I can't help remembering the friends I've known that have passed away young. When I do, I always remember how they were when they were flushed and alive. And laughing. Or sharing good conversation. But these memories will be coloured by my memories of the wake. Of all the crying and the shock. Always I remember that, more than I actually remember their lives.

Rationally, I understand that this life is merely temporary, and we have a whole lifetime after we shed our earthly shell. But I always feel robbed and cheated when someone young slips away. He didn't live his whole life out, I would think. It was cut short. If I were only able to not perceive it as being a life "cut short", but merely the end of that person's life as it was supposed to be, I would be more accepting of death at any age.

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		12
Physical Touch:		6
Words of Affirmation:		5
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

In Between

There is this world where people talk of champagne brunches and fast cars and chanel bags. The girls are elegant, poised, flawless, polished, nary a hair in place. The guys are smooth, confident, intelligent. Ideas, information, wit, trivia, networking... they all matter.

Then there is this other world where all these things don't matter. And the abovementioned sets you apart. "High maintenance" they call it. "The English one" they say. "The very dressed up one", they label.