Life, the Universe and Everything

Facebook tests

2007-12-01T01:29:00.000+08:00

Yay, according to the Which FRIEND are you? Test, I'm Rachel. I've always been Rachel. I remember doing this years back. That means I haven't changed much.. haha.

And I am a Passionate Kisser (according to the "What Kisser are you?" test). According to the test, it states that "You don't just kiss any person off the street because when you kiss, you really mean it and your partner feels it. There's a sensual aura about you, whether or not you try for it." I approve.

Movies caught this month

2007-11-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

1. Lust, Caution
2. Bee Movie
3. Stardust
4. Lars and the Real Girl
5. Lions for Lambs

Death

2007-11-20T23:39:00.001+08:00

This is the weekend of freak events. All my gripes, all my complaints about work but this weekend sure puts things in perspective.

I received a call on Monday. From Beat. She relayed to me the most shocking news. Our hairdresser had committed suicide over the weekend and she had passed away. I was so shocked. She was 25, and although she was never the perkiest person, I would not have envisioned her as someone who would take her own life. I only started going to her this year. She was recommended by Sharon and Beat. So I went to the funeral, and ended up sitting at a table full of her former clients. Sharon was distraught because she was close to her.

It turns out that her suicide made headlines on the Chinese paper on Sunday. A quick glance at the papers revealed that she had downed pills and sealed her room and filled it with fumes from a charcoal burner. And to Sharon's horror, this was the exact way that Sharon's friend had committed suicide earlier this year and Sharon had mentioned it to Koko. Koko's response had been "Only someone with guts would have killed herself like that..."

I told my colleagues about Koko's death. Only to find out that that very weekend, my former colleague KOS's young 2.5 year old daughter had been playing in her balcony, and had slipped and fallen from the balcony. I hardly knew him, but it didn't mean that shock didn't surface again... So many things can change in one split second. One moment there is a living breathing being, and the next...

E told me that a stage manager she once worked with on some stage productions was working on stage over the weekend, when suddenly a prop fell on him and he passed away too. @#$%$#@ What's God trying to say? What's with all these freak accidents? I have to say that suddenly, a stab of fear ran through me.

I am not afraid of death, but incidents like these never fail to remind me how transient life is. How should I live my life to the full, in order that I capture and appreciate every moment? I don't think satisfaction would come entirely from this job of mine, where sometimes I go hours without speaking to a single person...

Mmmmm

2007-11-11T20:28:00.000+08:00

"Ever The Same"

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken

Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

- Rob Thomas

Full of shit

2007-10-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

Am I really that transparent?!

This is so full of shit. But I really appreciate the wise words of my young 'brother' and my colleague-cum-friend-cum-fellow stag night organizer =)

Krispy Kremes

2007-10-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

Some people are going to hit me, but Krispy Kremes aren't so great...

The End or the Start of Something New

2007-10-21T21:27:00.000+08:00

It ended yesterday. I thought I saw it coming, but people go through a bit of shit in relationships sometimes. I have a long haul mentality - I know things can work out and it could be sweet in the end. Some things need a bit of fine-tuning. But it takes 2 hands to clap right? I was very surprised, and today I was a bit miffed. I was told to trust but in the end my gut instincts were right.

To be honest, I had so many doubts about this one. So many fears and worries. I tried to pre-empt all the problems and I put my fears and worries like cards on a table. Just to ensure that my heart would be protected. But the lesson to be learnt is that I will never know what lies on the horizon. No matter how hard I try, it's going to be a gamble.

But I cannot deny that it was sweet while it lasted. It was a short ride, but that's all it was meant to be. And I know God has got my back. He's got my best interests at heart. In God I trust. Someday someone good and worthy will come along =)

HK

2007-08-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm, I had grand plans for this weekend, but unfortunately, I could neither anticipate feeling stuffed and bloated, the loss of appetite nor the fatigue that weighed me down. Oh and the fact that many of my friends were on the Friday flight. Thank God for Gina =)

Day One
Trudged down to the airport on Saturday morning at 630am. Actually I was driven down. Many thanks to KK. And I also thank God I got the morning flight. At least we had the rest of the day to hang around and feel our way around HK! There weren't many of us on this flight. I could only identify Yongseng, Aaron, Sanjiv and Vikram. And a few others from CRE and FSD.

From the airport, the ride down to HK was interesting. It was full of gently sloping hills and the odd cluster of towering skyscaper apartments concentrated very tightly together. Which was very very weird. Which was very weird because there was so much expanse in between each concentrated cluster.

Conrad was very lovely. It faced a very high peak. From my window I had a grand view of the city, which was swathed in this grey er, cloud... And on my right were the hills. We were situated right above Admiralty Station, one stop from Tsim Sha Shui.

That afternoon, we hung around Causeway Bay in a daze actually after we had checked in.

D&D was good. Cosplay was very fun and people were really good sports. I had the privilege of sitting next to the Powerpuff girls and one very hot mama (actually, that was Clara). The highlight must be when Sanjiv the Elvis Emcee called out my name in the lucky draw. I'm winner 15 out of 20!!! (I won a DVD Player!) Yay!!! I have never won anything in my life!

Then next stop - Lam Kwai Fong. I was pretty much stoned at first, but thankfully the girls stopped off to drink some authentic Yuanyang. Man was that a perker-upper. Sucked the fatigue out of me entirely!! The transformation was amazing! haha. We headed down to Sugar, as we had planned with the rest of the Liti department, but to our surprise we only found some of the partners and a stray few associates there! This place felt like Butter, but with better looking guys. The moment I stepped in, the music went dead and people started muttering. I was trying to figure what was happening. Then I saw these older guys in navy vests with the words "Police Department" emblazoned across the back. Felt like a TVB Drama!!

So some of the partners suggested heading down to Dragoneye. We decided to walk down to check it out. BTW, LKF is so not the place to walk around in when you are high and wearing extremely high heels. Thankfully I was not in that position. But the slopes are steep and almost 45 deg, the steps are steep and precarious and there are holes in the ground. In my head, there were 100s of high people tumbling down the stairs.

Day Two

Ah, the fatigue started to hit. EC, JCHM, GTEO and I headed down to Tsim Sha Shui after brekkie. Bought 2 pairs of Nine West shoes =)

EC and JCHM left to catch their flight. GTEO, ever sweet and compliant, went along with my yumcha suggestion. I have to say the food here is extremely oily.

Gina and I went to H&M. Thankfully we learnt a lesson from the day before and decided to start asking for directions a bit more =) And I thought that was an affliction that only affected the male species. Sigh.

We headed down to WTC, where we were told there was some branded goods outlet shopping to be done! Apparently not! Gina was a bit disappointed and I felt a bit bad for her. Especially since I did so much shopping myself!

Later on, we headed down to Pacific Place. Bought myself my wallet. Finally! It's green and it's gorgeous and I love it to bits.

Then I accompanied her for a very average pasta dinner at the basement. Hmm... she wasn't in the mood for HK food and I wasn't too keen to compromise. Later, I met KK and dragged him down for dinner.

So here are the pics! Finally!

ADY's Farewell

2007-08-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

It was ADY's last day at work on Friday. As of Friday, he stopped being ADY and being plain old Au Da Yu. For those not in the loop, those are his office initials. Everyone has one. I'm JCYL.

Since he was leaving for a foreign land (London) on Monday, the 3 of us, JCHM, EC and I, assembled a little er, care package, basket of goodies, call it what you will. Forgot to take a picture of the golden box I bought from prints, with the little pink ribbon courtesy of EC (Being Eunice Chew) and we all signed it. But it's what is inside that counts =p

We had the farewell dinner at Wine Garage. We made ADY wave the items in the air proudly. But he had a dour expression the whole time! Save for pic no. 3...

Item No. 1 - Universal Adaptor

Item No. 2 - KY and Pregnancy Test Kit
Yes, he gave us the weirdest dour look when he saw that... Well, we hoped most of the things we bought were useful, save for that one!

Item No. 3 - Condoms

Not his favourite brand anymore. Apparently it's fallen out of favour. But ah well...

We only took a picture of the first appetizer. Good stuff! The terrine was fabulous...

Then there are the girls:

We took a harem shot with ADY, but can't seem to locate it! Some other guys came after, but I think we were too high on wine to bother taking any more pics.

More bbq pics

2007-08-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

This is the committee I was working with... There's Stevie and Louis and Jiasheng and Joseph and Joanna and the ever-willing helper, Daniel. I'm going to miss these people when I leave next year. Will never forget these moments. Even the bad ones! haha.

And there's Steve and Louis =)

Things to make me happy

2007-08-20T00:32:00.000+08:00

Item No. 1

I wonder if this dress could be incorporated into my DnD theme this coming Saturday. The theme is Cosplay. And I blame Victor Wu Kaixuan. @#$%^

Item No. 2

Yippee, my sis works in a company that owns Prestat!! That means discounted chocolates! Just bought some Earl Grey chocolate wafers that taste really good. Slurp.

That eventful saturday

2007-08-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

This is the event I've been planning for for the last few weeks! We fashioned a game based on Settlers of Catan, where teams aim to win resources. They win resources by competing against one another in mini zone challenges. The zone challenges we played were hilarious. One of them was sudoku, another was a game which revolved around catching a shuttlecock with a vanguard hat, another was an eating game (they surprisingly attacked the cucumber with gusto)...

Once the teams earn enough resources, they can build a settlement. Each settlement requires at least 2 ore minerals, wood and brick resources. Each road requires one of each, and a city is defined as 2 settlements separated by 2 roads. Sounds nerdy I know, but heh I thought it was a pretty good idea. And people enjoyed it!!!

I don't actually have pics of people enjoying the game, but here's the board game!

Actually, the Barnabas leaders were surprisingly competitive. Almost scared me at one point when they started to accuse the judges of judging wrongly.

We also had a bbq after that at East Coast Park, and Jiasheng brought his 2 very cute twin nieces. Spent a large part of Saturday night playing with them on scooters. Here's Grace =)

Finally saw some people I haven't met for the last few weeks / months. There's Dickson (he's finally gone into NS and gotten his head shaved). And there's the elusive Steve, who had a really good talk with me on the same thing I discussed with Bipeng. And there's Joelle... had a cosy gossip session with her too. And did a good supper with Steve, Louis and Jiasheng after that at Siglap's very own Mas-ayu =)

Good day.

The Guy

2007-08-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

I'm somewhat amused as to how this one person has been avoiding me for some time, especially at group events.

Once upon a time, I was alerted to the fact that something was going on with him. Of course, I had to hear it from my dear friend A. I myself would be too blur to figure it out. At first, I didn't believe it. Then, more and more people would start making jibes. Some made obvious ones. Then I entered into a period in which I tried to avoid eye contact, or tried to walk away whenever he approached. Then he got the hint.

After this period was over, I thought I could become friendlier and more interested, as a friend of course, in his affairs.

Then one day, I got this very disturbing call. It was while I was at Big Fish, with the E4 girls, and he called to tell me something that totally shocked and disgusted me.

Then began the awkward and disconcerting period in which I tried to avoid at all costs. Then he got the hint again. I haven't been friendly to him since.

And he has gotten the hint for good now. We don't talk, we don't even sit around in the same group to talk anymore. Except for one recent phone call in which he called to ask me how I was (which I attribute entirely to friendship). I'm relieved. Amused, but very relieved.

Nostalgia

2007-08-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

I'm combing through my old hall pics right now. It's amazing how time changes everything. It felt a lifetime ago. I looked like a whole different person!

I am looking at the pics, looking at all the old faces of people I once knew, of people I still meet up with and how the dynamics have changed - How we got close or grew apart. And there are a couple of people I avoid, for good reason. And I also see people whom I didn't know very well back then, and how I used to think of them in a certain way, and how this has changed so much now that I know the people that they really are. I am also looking at people I have lost touched with, and how it had happened, and I wonder whether I will ever see some of them again. Some of them seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth!

There's Wee How - not so close to him anymore, but he's a great guy and he'll make a great husband to Hazel. It's probably just as well we aren't so close. But I must say I enjoyed the last time we had a good talk while we were doing that Standard Chartered 42.195 run. We had all of 5 hours to catch up=p

There's Willy Foo, there's Xiaoxuan and Beat and Lihui and ... There are a couple of people whose names I won't mention, who purposely made life difficult for others, and there were a couple who raised a ruckus out of nothing and dragged me into it. Ah well, but that's hall. Live and let live. I'm thankful for the friends I've made. Some of them have lasted quite a while. There's my E block girls - really appreciate this friendship that we have.

One thing I can give thanks for - I learnt so many lessons. Living in such close proximity with a myriad of characters makes life interesting.

When I'm bored enough I'll scan some of these pics =)

Mimolette

2007-08-12T20:25:00.000+08:00

As much as I want to keep this my very own, I have decided not to be selfish. Plus, the word has been going around already. hahaha.

Went to Mimolette for brunch on Saturday with K. It's a very charming restaurant perched on the top of a short flight of steps overlooking the green. There is lush countryside all around, and for your duration there, you can forget entirely that this is Singapore. There are horses trotting in the far distance... And few people... Lovely. Inside, there are black chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and white wooden chairs and tables covered with white linen... The description doesn't do any justice to what Mimolette actually looks like. It certainly reminded me of the English countryside, albeit miniaturized. It gets 4 thumbs up in my book for ambience =) Definitely a nice brunch place.

I had the french toast and K had the farmer's breakfast. The servings were a tad small, but no complaints with the food! We even had seconds! haha. (He had the very girly apple cupcake =p) Think we spent almost 3 hours there without realizing it. Yup, definitely will have to go again.

The Simpsons

2007-08-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

The Simpsons (as I'm typing this out, I'm humming the theme song) is laugh-out-loud hilarious. I was laughing throughout the entire movie. In fact, I would rate it as one of the better movies I've seen this summer season (Priceless doesn't count because it's not a Hollywood blockbuster/commercial movie).

Before watching it, I read the review in NYT done by a Simpsons fan who had watched every single episode in the entire history of Simpsons. He bemoaned the absence of certain key characters. For example, Burns had such a small presence, as did Apu. And Marge's surly sisters. But I can't really fault Matt Groening.

In all, it was a good movie. Very unsubtly, it had pointed a finger at quite a few current issues and he has got his audience laughing at themselves. And I like the little symbolisms that he had scattered throughout (Check out the Reaganesque shot at the beginning of the movie).

2007-08-12T19:57:00.000+08:00

I have the next 2 weekends planned back to back already, and I feel exhausted thinking about it. There's drinks with Dayu and colleagues on Friday, since he's leaving. I think I will actually miss having him around. Although I don't talk to him on such a regular basis, he has been a constant presence. Occasionally he veers into my "irritation" zone but most of the time, he has been helpful and even sweet. And I don't think I like change very much. So yes, his presence adds a sort of comforting continuity in the office. His departure is making me think about what I should be doing within the next 2 years. Whither my plans, I know not =)

Then there's that hectic Saturday, which I am working towards. It involves waking up at 7am, leaving the house at 830am, and ending with a BBQ at East Coast Park which should not end before 10pm. I really hope it works out. Things had not been smooth sailing so far. There has been more than the usual friction, and all these undercurrents which I am surprisingly able to detect (I am the worst judge of character and I usually ignore my intuition). But these are people with good intentions. Whether or not things have taken an odd turn, I'm sure it will work out. To digress a bit, I actually had to snap at S on Wednesday night because I wasn't able to get to him. He went on and on and on and didn't listen to what I had to say. Finally I couldn't take it and I snapped at him to get his attention. Later on, I felt really bad about it and text-ed him an apology. But I think, on hindsight, I would still have done the same thing.

Then there's the HK weekend... ... ARRGGGGHHH

I need a break. Now. I need to go somewhere away from the routine. I need to hibernate with one or two good friends in some faraway place. It's escapism in its purest form. Then I wouldn't have to think about what I need to do and the decisions I have to make (the church decisions!)

Surprise Prayer

2007-07-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

Hannah's mom called me on Sunday evening to ask how I was doing. I had to explain my predicament and the reasons for doing what I was doing. She was so nice about it. She also offered to pray for me. I was so touched. "How can I bless you?" she asked.

It's been the longest time that I have been asked that question. The idea that someone was eager to bless me really touched me.

TCC

2007-07-31T00:11:00.000+08:00

Trinity Christian Centre - that's where I went on Sunday. The praise and worship in the smaller churches never fail to amaze me. And wow me. I have forgotten what it's like to worship God with the feeling that it's just Him and me. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting on a show. In Barnabas Club (sorry, G-Kidz) I am responsible for making sure the kids are alright. And as a leader you are required to clap louder, jump higher, etc. At the youth service, the music is so loud and deafening that I can't hear myself. But at TCC, the songs weren't terribly recent. But it reminded of the good old days when as a young child, I would sing these songs with my mother. I'm a sucker for nostalgia. It is worship such as this that inspires me to sit at my piano and play a worship tune=) I miss it quite a bit. Give me simple worship. I don't ask for drama. I want to go back to basics. So maybe God can shine through a bit more.

I was even more impressed by the sermon. The pastor that week was starting on Haggai, which is a book I didn't bother about much before. I felt so ignorant and foolish. And I came out of the service so much more enlightened at the very end when she went through the context of the book and explained the significance of the temple of God and why it was necessary to rebuild it. Now I know what Karen meant when she said she learnt so much more about the word here. Heck, I really need this sort of education. I don't think I have the time, drive and thirst to listen to sermons outside of church as often as some others do. But I really like the freshness of the sermon.

The church service certainly inspired, but what do I know about the hearts of the people in the church? That is one thing I always admire about the people at FCBC - their hearts of service and their willingness to sacrifice personal time and space to serve others. I obviously cannot comment on the people at TCC. How do I know whether it's a place I can fit in? If there's one thing of concern to me, it's the friends and the comradeship and the family that I'll miss dreadfully.

Ballet Under The Stars (or more commonly referred to as BUTS)

2007-07-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

Hahaha.... The acronym for Ballet under the Stars is BUTS. I only found out when the emcee at the event referred to it as such. Later in the night when it started to rain, they said "Now it's more like Ballet Under The Umbrella" (BUTU??)

KK and I hopped down to Parkway where we stocked up on cheeses and dips and chips and bought small bottles of wine. All the necessities for a feel good picnic =) As usual he's super organized and prepared. He brought the cups and the cutlery and the plates and he even brought the very essential umbrella and battery-operated fan! Oh and the very large mat courtesy of the Mini Cooper people.

The ballet was good. I'm not an expert on it, but I was wowed over by the execution, how light the dancers looked and how they never seemed to land but rather floated. We actually went for seconds at Serangoon Gardens after that.

Great night despite the rain =)

Updates on Church 2

2007-07-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

I went to Lighthouse on Sunday. This must be the most punctual church I've even been to. I went by myself and I kind of slunked in as unobtrusively as I could at 1112am (the service started at 1115). And almost every seat was filled. This was unusual, considering none of the other services I've been in started on time.

And the praise and worship... wow. It's like praise and worship that I remember fondly from way back in early 2000. They played songs like "Hear O Israel", which I hadn't heard in a long time. It felt warm, comfortable and peaceful. I really really like the worship there. Not too formal, upbeat, unassuming. I really really miss such simple sweet worship. Now strobe lights. No loud drums. No jumping up and down. But this was just... nice. Haha, if I ever join Lighthouse, one of the main reasons would be because of the worship.

I never seem to have the knack to go when there's a good sermon on though. When I went to ARPC, I happened to go when it was "Friendship Day" and they were doing John 3:16. At Lighthouse, the children's service leaders put up a performance. They did a stage presentation of how a lesson was conducted in Sunday School. And the lesson they taught was Faith. Hebrews 11:6 was the main verse for the day. It's about being able to thank God for something that you have not yet received. And yet you are able to thank God because you know His heart and you know His providence. And you also know that even if you don't agree with Him now, you can thank Him because one day, you will be able to understand. I spoke to KK about it in the evening. Today I learnt a grand lesson on faith, which I had always overlooked. I tend to overthink and mull on issues a tad too much. But really, I should leave it all up to Him. All the issues that are plaguing me now are man-made =( Funny how I went in thinking that I would never learn anything from that kiddy presentation and coming up having learnt something profound.

Yes, Lighthouse was good. I think I'll visit again.

Hey There Delilah

2007-07-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

Updates

2007-07-15T15:23:00.001+08:00

Perhaps an update is in order. I've been visiting a few churches of late. To find out something about myself and to find out more about the God I serve and what it really means to belong to a church. I've been to Wesley, Covenant Evangelical Free Church, and Adam Road Presbytarian Church.

I didn't really like the traditional worship style of Wesley and how it felt so individualistic. People would sit by themselves or with just their other halves. And then they would leave right after. Cell group was an option. No one pushed you to attend. My friend W had been going to Wesley for years without even committing to a cell group and he had no impetus to join one! Same thing went for another friend of mine, before she decided to take that leap of faith.

I really really love CEFC. The message from Nehemiah spoke to me. It's a book I hardly ever touch and I have always dismissed it because I thought there were more important books to read. CEFC is like FCBC circa 2000. The worship is more subdued (but besides CHC, what other church can rival ours in terms of LOUD worship). More subdued but very refreshing. I think it's simple worship that is the most private. No jumping up and down required.

I think I like CEFC because it's like FCBC. I can't get used to ARPC and Wesley because they are so different from this church that I've been in for more than 14 years. 14 YEARS. That's more than half of my life.

But for certain big reasons, I can't go to CEFC. I think I will check out Lighthouse and see where this goes. There are no real plans to move yet. But I don't think I can give as much as FCBC and the leaders are demanding. It can't be ALL my life. God can, but now I feel a bit stifled, because I feel that CHURCH is demanding my 100%, and Church and God feels so separate nowadays. I need to come back to that first love.

Dim Sum Dollies

2007-07-15T15:11:00.001+08:00

I better note this down before I forget the euphoria of having watched this pretty phenomenal production. I have been getting jaded with some of the local productions that I have been watching. Sleeping Beauty was a snooze. Blithe Spirit was ok only. Many of the locally written plays are forums to air political views and criticism. There's only so much I can take of that. Granted, they have interesting points of view, but I'm tired of sitting through a play and getting a didactic and pedantic discussion of our political scene.

What made Dim Sum Dollies always an eye opener is how they throw out some of the prejudices that we already have and subvert it. Or how they actually dare to voice some of our hidden thoughts without blushing or being bashful about it. Because, they would say, we are Singaporean and we should learn to embrace our quirks and even oddities. And we need to learn to laugh about ourselves. Selena Tan's writing is hilarious. Pointed and witty and the characters are very endearing.

This time, it was more "Dim Sum Dollies AND Hossan Leong", not "Dim Sum Dollies, featuring Hossan Leong". I love his opening act, where he pops out as a myriad of great conquerors or pioneers, like Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, or Marco Polo, etc., and all of them dismiss the "island of Temasek" one by one for being too small.

I also like the opening of the second half, where all three Dollies are suspended by cables in midair, as Kamikaze pilots who ejected themselves out of the plane and got caught in a tree.

And then there was the blatant advertisement on behalf of Moove media. And Indian man tugging a fuchsia Moove cow with a rope and talking about how "sometimes we hold hands" really hit the right spot.

Oh there was also the song about "Instinctive Lee" and "Clever Lee".

We were sitting right in front, at the extreme end, but the view was still good. I could see every blemish, every detail of their makeup and the fishnet stockings. I could almost catch the actors' eyes. At the very end, like the last Dim Sum Dollies production, we were all given Singapore flags to wave around. My friend didn't wave his. Hossan Leong actually pointed at him until he picked it up and waved it!

Loved it=)

Saturday Section of the Straits Times

2007-07-15T14:53:00.000+08:00

I just read the Saturday section of yesterday's papers. And there's this article on a recent operation done by Dr Matthew Cheng on a guy who was paralysed waist down. What they did was to remove the entire lower half of his body, and some of the skin from his thigh was taken to replace the base of his upper torso. Since the lower part of his body is removed, waste disposal takes place on the outside of his body. A custom-made bucket is fitted around his chest. The aorta is clamped and the spinal cord had to be properly sealed so that it would not leak spinal fluid, which would be fatal.

Not many details were given. It was a pictorial description of how the surgery took place. But it stunned me how it was annotated in such a cold, formal, matter of fact way. Of course, I understand that this surgery is a private affair for the man and his family. Details as to how the decision was made, or the repercussions of the surgery Should be hidden from the public eye. But, then numerous questions arose in my head as I pondered about what it meant to lose some of the faculties that one has taken for granted, like excretion (which naturally is done by one's own body) and one's legs (I can't imagine the pain he, as do all amputees, must go through as the body gets accustomed to the loss of limbs).

This is one brave man. I don't know how much I am willing to go through in order to live a longer life.

My Blog

2007-07-03T22:54:00.001+08:00

Every time I am tempted to blog nowadays, I can't help thinking exactly who my audience is. I can never tell because no one comments. But every so often I get a random comment about something I say in my blog. Which makes me surprised. Usually it's a neutral surprise, but occasionally it puts me on my guard and makes me wonder how many people actually know what's going on in my life and how much I'm willing to let on.

For now, certain posts will stay just mine. I'm going to dig up my nice diary (courtesy of a shopping spree in Melbourne=)) I'm flipping through it as we speak and it's amazing how some of my thoughts and reactions have stayed the same all these years. Yes, I don't think I've changed much. Many of my sentiments still hold true.

Now only my close friends or people who are curious enough will be privy to certain information.

Uncertainty

2007-06-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

All in Your hands.

Lost

2007-06-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

@#$%&*

I KEEP LOSING MY CLOTHES!!!! First, my FCUK top, now my Bikini bottom. And my Polo Ralph mini tee!!! Arrgghhhh...........

Sesame Street Test

2007-06-28T00:12:00.001+08:00

Your Score: Snuffleupagus

You scored 39% Organization, 55% abstract, and 54% extroverted!

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are somewhat organized, both concrete and abstract, and both introverted and extroverted.

I bet you didn't think you were Snuffleupagus. Let's find out why.

You are both somewhat organized. You have a good idea where you put things and you probably keep your place reasonably clean. You aren't totally obsessed with neatness though. Alloyius Snuffleupagus (and all Snuffleupagus') is not sloppy by nature, but he moves so incredibly slowly that it is impossible for him to be totally organized.

You both are about equally concrete and abstract thinkers. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren't afraid to explore your dreams and desires... within limits of course. Snuffy generally has very basic interests, but he explores his abstract sensitive side when he plays his snuffleflute.

You both are somewhat introverted. Originally Snuffleupagus was very shy and was only Big Bird's invisible friend. However as he has aged he has started to build new friendships with new characters. Like Snuffy, you probably like to have some time to yourself. However, you do appreciate spending time with your friends, and you aren't scared of social situations.

The other possible characters are

Oscar the Grouch

Big Bird

Cookie Monster

Ernie

Elmo

Kermit the Frog

Grover

The Count

Guy Smiley

Bert

Hey, don't be a grouch! If you liked the test, let others know by rating it below. Feel free to vote for your favorite character too.

Link: The Your SESAME STREET Persona Test written by greencowsgomoo on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Song of yore

2007-06-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

One of the songs I always associate with RGS. I think it was because it was performed at the RGS opening when I was in Sec One, and that song has stayed with me since then. It's also a childhood song I heard from my dad's cassette tapes (remember those?) back in those good ol' days. And there is this one line that struck me when I heard it on my ipod today:

"Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same."

How true.

Those were the Days

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

Lesson of the day

2007-06-17T22:55:00.001+08:00

If you can't trace His hand,
Know His heart.

MEGA AID!!!

2007-06-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

I thought it was hilarious that Law Soc wanted to give us these...

It's actually suan mei I think, which I don't eat.

Jogging order

2007-06-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

Conclusion? There is none. I don't think anything is concluded yet. But no, I am not satisfied with the results. Some things are beyond my control. Even if I could do something about it, pride prevents me from doing anything. The sadness is suspended. I can't bear to resolve it.

The OTHER one is a welcome distraction.

And if you want to know what this is about, ask me. Don't play guessing games by yourself.

On a happier random note, I went jogging on Sunday and I couldn't help but be amused at how all my fellow joggers stayed well on their side of the footpath. No renegade reckless jogger hogging the road.

I think it boils down to the order of society that has been impinged on us. Singaporeans are, on the whole, quite orderly. Or, we are taught to follow what Our Uncle Sam tells us to do. We follow instructions quite well and we are taught to obey the rules. Want Singaporeans to be polite? Start a "Courtesy begins with me" campaign. Want Singaporeans to speak Mandarin? Start a "Speak Mandarin" campaign. Want them to breed more? You can guess what happens next.

I don't think it reflects on how polite we are as a society. It's a mere ability to follow and to execute without that much thinking.

I am too tired to follow this train of thought.

Church pics

2007-06-06T23:46:00.000+08:00

Here are pictures taken over the last 3 weekends as photographer at 2 church events. One of them was for the Epic Race. I actually deleted most of them since I passed them to Pastor Jhee, but I couldn't resist keeping some of them because they were hilarious! A bunch of people singing Christmas Carols with gusto in broad daylight on a busy street in the middle of May! That's always funny...

Oh and then they also played the "sandwich game" in Fort Canning:

And these are the happy people pre-sandwich game. One of them is Eunice. =)

Oh that's right, here's a picture of the happy photographers. I was in charge of Fort Canning, Ady was running around City Hall and Matthew was happily stationed at the Christmas Carolling venue - Paragon:

One was for a church children's outing at East Coast Park. Let's just say there were some games that got just a little violent...

And this was the armour of God game - quite inventive I must say.
I thought it was way more fun taking these pics actually because there was a lot of action going on and the kids were spontaneous. It was fun trying to catch the moment on all of their faces.

This picture is hilarious!

And I like how the space is captured here:

And then there are the leaders... don't ask me what Steve and Jit Kiong were doing:

Here are two my dear girls, Adrienne and Marianne!!! If you can't tell by now, they are twins. Their specs match their t-shirts!

Here's Ady and I with the twins and Vera

And here's how stressed Ady looked when she was distributing the prizes to the kids=)

Eusoff Hall

2007-06-06T23:37:00.001+08:00

Feeling rather nostalgic. Here's a picture I stole off Ceyu's Friendster site. These are my E Block friends... It was taken shortly after I left hall, so that was before my hectic working days. How I miss those days=)

Birthday Blessings Part II

2007-06-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

I don't have pictures! It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't take any pictures this time around!! All I have are memories! Dang.

On Friday, Dad, Mum and Jerrine met me at Ember for the family dinner. I thought Ember would be a change from the usual hotel buffet that we usually go to. I'm actually pretty sick of overstuffing myself. It's decadent and I can't afford to do it anymore. The metabolism has unfortunately slowed down so drastically and the cough is preventing me from exercising.

Ember was great. There was nothing I could fault with the food. The foie gras was a tad small, but for $20, I couldn't really complain. The lamb rack was superb. It was herb-encrusted and had little subtle sweet, sour and salty flavours oozing out at different times. Damnnit, no camera!!! =(

The apple tart was to die for. It was really unusual. The apple chunks were huge, but ever so soft, and they melt in your mouth. My parents opted for the banana tart with lavender ice cream. I didn't dare touch it (my banana phobia), but the rest of the family gave it two thumbs up.

On Saturday, I met some of my hall friends at Clarke Quay. Dear Lihui did the planning and the present buying. Thanks babe!! We went on a crazy eating binge. I felt a little justified binging that day because I had the best 20km run at ECP in the morning. We had Jap ice cream, then we went to Sho-U (It wasn't so great) and then we went to Brewerks for course No. 2=) Yes, my friends can eat. I was a bit horrified at one point. But Sho-U's portions were so unpredictable. There were no main courses. The portions came in varying sizes. Poor Yanxun ordered steamed duck breast, and all he got were 5 small thin slices of meat! We sat in the red room, which was a little round room with carpeted seating running around it and a glass table right in the centre. Actually the food was good and adventurous. I liked my scallops and prawn dish, as well as the squid ring with egg and tempura (heck, I don't even eat squid and egg and I still liked it), but the restaurant was almost empty. That wasn't a good sign...

Yes, it has been an insane but lovely week.

2007-06-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

It's all about boundaries. That's what I realise. It's about not knowing how to draw one's boundaries. I thought that was a very good take on the issue.

What Isaiah said made sense. I may not feel particularly close to Him right now. But He is close by. He's in my reactions, in my thoughts, ingrained in my character. So yes, He's there for good now.

Birthday Part II is coming up.

Birthday Blessings

2007-05-31T23:25:00.001+08:00

Yes I have been insanely blessed. I want to thank all the people who have made my birthday such a great one. (Haha doesn't this sound like an Oscar thank you speech?)

It started with Saturday night. It's massively decadent to be doing birthday celebrations so way in advance, but I met up with my secondary school friends for a great night out at Brewerks. Hmmm. I think I haven't seen some of them for at least a few months, so it was a good meeting.

On Sunday, my little girls and my co-leader at Sunday School sprang a surprise on me. We had a mat and food spread out all over, with a cake in the centre. I was so touched. They even gave me gifts! I felt bad but so grateful at the same time. Bad because I don't celebrate their birthdays. I usually just get everyone to pray for them. And massively grateful. I didn't know that some of them remember so many details that I've told them about me. They even remember I like dark chocolate or that I like the strawberry meiji chocolate. And they had been planning this at least since last week! These girls have sort of become part of my life in a way. I've been teaching them for 2 over years. Thanks for doing all that, Ady!!!!

And then my cell sisters cut a cake for me too. Again, I didn't expect anything because everyone was so busy this Sunday. Thanks, babes. You have all been so sweet.

Steve, ever the gentleman, sprung for dinner and a movie. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean, which is redeemed by Johnny Depp. I thought it was better than the second one, because my expectations for that movie were quite high after the spectacular first movie. No one else can play the role of Jack Sparrow. Absolutely no one. This movie had its occasional ingenious bits, like having Keith Richards - the inspiration for Johnny Depp's character - play his surly father.

And then there was sweet dear Jessica, my favourite room mate at work. Haha. I've enjoyed sharing the room with her. She knows all my moods and all my likings and pet peeves. And I tell her everything. It's going to be very sad for her to move away to corporate and have to share a room with someone else. Yes, I don't like change. I don't like having to adjust to a new person, especially since I think I've come to know her well and we really get along. Anyway, Jess organised a drinks thingie for me at Superfamous. Yum, bellinis with mini wagyu burgers! Slurp! And the crab cakes! All my favourite girls were there. Thanks babes!!!

She also bought me a surprise from Awfully CHocolate on Wednesday. Thanks Jess, you are the best!

Oh yes, haha... How can I forget Wednesday? Ah yes Wednesday. It will forever be etched into my mind as Lesson 101 of "Learning how to say no", something I've never been too good at. Well, Willy, Weehow, EC and JCHM decided to get me high and merry. Plans to go to Mambo and laugh at people had to be shoved after hordes of people got turned away! Apparently everyone in Singapore had the same plan as us. There were so many people I recognised. Ah well. So back to Butter. 2 vodka redbulls, 1 JUG of vodka cranberry, 1 whiskey dry and 1 glass of champagne. All in the spate of 30 min. Let's just say the night was memorable for the WRONG reason. I was part indignant, part grateful for the treat. And let's just say, these "blessings" didn't stay very long with me.

I was so sick in the morning, that watching tv where characters held wine glasses in their hands made me feel like regurgitating again. Hangover aside, the day was such a good one. Met dear Si, who was my good shopping companion, bought tons and tons... Si has been such a good friend through all my shitty times. We had our problems in the past, as all gd girl friends have to have at some point. Still, throughout, she's one of my most loyal best friends. Thanks for the time babe!!!

I also met P, who treated me to Graze despite his impending exams (which sound really scary). It was a great great dinner=)

And then I had a cake cutting at home. Thanks mum and dad!!! Slurp. Thanks for running down all the way to Taka just to satisfy your greedy daughter's food cravings!!!

There will be a part 2 tomorrow=)

Singapore Slings and Singers that hit the mark

2007-05-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

Feeling a little flushed from the two very saccharine sweet drinks I had with D just now. We went to Long Bar. I'm surprised that he actually suggested the place because we've actually never gone drinking together before. Not that I can remember at least. We usually stuck to the tried and true burger joints or coffee haunts.

To be honest, the thing I enjoyed the most were the peanuts. And being able to toss them on the floor. I did it in the most unglam, Singaporean manner. In the "I've never littered in my life and I'm uncomfortable with it since I'm Singaporean" manner. Kind of reminds me of how I couldn't even spit out my gum in Morocco in the countryside because it didn't feel right. It's times like these that I feel absolutely truly Singaporean. Not my proudest patriotic moment.

Another unglam albeit somewhat patriotic moment of the night was my order of the Singapore Sling. I laughed hard when D ordered the strawberry daiquiri. How girly I told him. The Singapore Sling was a tad embarrassing, especially when a whole troop of American tourists sitting behind me (probably a tour group) was happily sipping the same concoction. My drinking of the Singapore Sling was akin to a Parisian proclaiming her love for the Eiffel tower. 'Nuf said.

It was good to hear from him and to hear how his life has been unfolding all these months since we last met. We last talked in February, but it's really different to see him and it made me realise that he has come to a comfortable place in his life, where everything seemed to come together and all was good. It was good to see that he had grown so much over the last year. I felt really happy for him. And it was good to laugh when I aired my gripes and when the band started playing songs that really fit the sentiments I was sharing. It also felt comfortable and warm to share about the things that mattered.

There was a sadness when it ended because I felt that I had stopped still but he had moved on. Last year, we were on the same page somewhat. Hopeful, and wandering, and unsure of what God had in store for us. This year, he had moved one step closer towards certainty. But still I was meandering.

We got more drinks. Now I got the strawberry daiquiri and he got the slightly manlier mojito. And then the tourists took their leave. As I sat there and watched the "satay fans" hanging from the ceiling flip back and forth and watched the band with the forlorn air doing their routine, I couldn't help but wonder whether this feeling would ever go away.

But it was a good night =)

2007-05-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

Promises broken and expectations let down.

Sickness sucks

2007-05-20T00:09:00.000+08:00

I've just reached the lowest point of the year. I just vomited part of my dinner during one of my coughing spasms. URRRGH.

This is a bad year, health-wise, for me. I've never been so sick since I was what, 12? I had started to take my health for granted. So it is truly a rude shock to see my health going away. And I'm starting to wonder why.

Maybe I have not been exercising as regularly as before, and eating rich food. Or maybe my schedule is becoming more and more hectic. I'm doing later nights, I have busier weekends, I do activities out in the sun very often. When I exercise, I really go all out. But I've always lived by the mantra that we should just push ourselves. Every time we achieve a certain standard, we should reach to achieve just that little bit more. And if I don't exert myself and push myself harder during exercise, I would stagnate. Then where is the fine line between over-exertion and going that extra mile?

This year, I had coughing spasms for 3 weeks in February, followed by food poisoning in April. Then one week later, I had a cough that went on for 3 weeks.

Then just this Wednesday, I got another strain - I had a fever, and then the coughing started again. And then on Friday, I started getting the "running nose".

Today, as I was taking pictures for the event at Fort Canning, I kept getting the worst coughs. It was really scary and I could feel people shying away or tensing up around me. Who can blame them? I'm really a walking social pariah now. Everyone who has been hanging out with me is getting some flu or other.

Twice today, my food coughed itself back up.

God, please let me be well........

Unsatisfied Craving: Chocolate Pecan pie from PS Cafe

2007-05-16T20:41:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, the food of my dreams.

Movies to catch

2007-05-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

This is the year of the trilogies it seems. And I'm aiming to go through the third instalment of these movies. I've already seen Spiderman 3, however, and it wasn't so hot. Maybe cos I was dead tired that day:

1. Shrek 3
2. Ocean's 13
3. Pirates

I'm also thinking of watch The Simpsons, which is due out this summer. Apart from these, I don't think the other movies are particularly to-die-for. It seems like an uninspired summer where movies just keep getting recycled.

After work activities

2007-05-16T20:24:00.002+08:00

It's been a great one and a half weeks. I've managed to run out of the office in good time, to get myself doing things that are usually on done on weekends=)

Since the parents were away, the car was all mine!! I also had a small hiatus in between assignments at work. Haha.

Last Tues, I hopped down to Bukit Timah to meet E at her place and we went running. I ran into the estates where it was hilly, and then I ran out on the main road. And then I ran up the bridges... It was good.

And then Jerrine and I went for prata another day, as we reminesced about our days at Upper Thomson and how we never used to appreciate proximity to all these nice hangout places until we left it for er, Potong Pasir... At least Potong Pasir has got one thing good going for it - proximity to Serangoon Gardens and the Kallang Park Connector, which has almost become my lifeline to fitness.

I also managed to do a gym session on Monday - we went for pilates and then I did an entire hour on the cross-training machine. Thank God for mtv, espn and channelnewsasia, or else I would have died of boredom.

Just yesterday, I rushed off to vivocity for "Priceless". It's a really good movie and man, is Audrey Tatou hot. Just two rows behind me sat Ady, coincidentally. Nowadays my diet plans are being tossed aside. Life is too short. So we decided to binge on good old nachos. (Actually, that day was a scary eating day, so I think I'll hold off on too much rich food for a bit now...)

These were only the weekdays and they were so productive that I almost forgot I had to work=)

"Transferability"

2007-05-16T20:24:00.001+08:00

Last night we talked about transferability. A insisted that there was no need to look for that. We already have a perfect love that comes from God. Why mess with the real deal? Why seek to find the ephemeral and the tenuous type that fixates on satisfying one’s own wants and needs? The selfish sort. The sort that easily removes oneself from one and attaches itself readily and easily onto the next.

At first I was the firm defender of the beauty of eros love. And I protested that true eros love does exist and that God can and will make such love beautiful.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realize that such eros love just doesn’t hold out. For all the beautiful stories that we hear, how many more end in heartbreak. Or worse still, how many more end with an “I don’t love you anymore.”

How also does one lose that love so suddenly? How can one trust and rely and depend on this other being, knowing that there is a stark possibility of an “I don’t love you anymore” around the corner.

Every time a couple breaks up, this love they once professed is also easily separated and reattached so easily and so quickly onto the next subject. What about the feelings of the person you once loved? What does one do with all the past memories and feelings and all that love? Does it just disappear? Or does it get transferred onto and vested into the next person?

It all boils down to the selfish nature of man.

At this moment, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.”

Wallet..............

2007-05-16T20:22:00.000+08:00

Time to buy a new wallet. My dear brown wallet has officially died. The clasp fell off and I can’t fasten it anymore =( Now I’m thinking very fondly of that nice Mulberry wallet I was eyeing in London. Hmmm…

Neal's Yard - drool

2007-05-06T00:12:00.000+08:00

I need to get my hands on some Neal's Yard Remedies face products. I am in love with their Yarrow and Comfrey Moisturiser, which is 1/3 empty since I bought it from London 1.5 months ago. I am also in love with their Witchhazel toner.

However, Neal's Yard Remedies can only be found in UK, I am presently kicking myself in the foot for not buying more to store... Hahaha. Very auntie right?

If anyone is going to London anytime soon, you are going to be my best friend...

Good recommendation Kris!!!

Wakeboarding

2007-05-05T23:26:00.000+08:00

This is the year of grand plans, to be good at something. To be Master of something instead of a Jack at all trades. But I find myself doing many many things, instead of just sticking to one. Although, I must say, I am starting to get a bit better at the new interests I am investing in.

Wakeboarding is one of these. I went wakeboarding today. The last time I was in top form. I managed to cross both wakes smoothly finally, and I did one jump.

We started at 8am. 8am means u have to get up really early on a saturday morning, which sucks. But, the water is nice and calm and less polluted. And the sun is not out in its full glory yet.

This time round, I was not at my best. Usually, crossing the right wake should come very naturally. But today, I'm not sure if it's the choppy water (since we were in the open sea), or whether I was obsessing about the technicalities a bit too much and missed the big picture, or whether I was just having a generic "off" day, but I actually tipped forward while crossing the right wake! That's my problem - not leaning backwards enough.

My first run was a disaster. It completely pissed me off.

The second run was so much better. I managed to do a jump again! But I landed very very badly as I was crossing back from the left into the wake. I tipped forward, again, and went SPLAT right into the water face forward. And the board got ripped from my feet. OUCH. It was like having a mini concussion.

Anyway there are things to learn from this lesson:

1. LEAN BACK
2. Learning in choppy water sucks but it's good for u in the long run.
3. Sometimes, the best way of moving from left to right is to move the front toe up and down. But, at all times, the weight should be on the back leg.
4. No matter how much sunblock I use, I will still look like a boiled lobster after 2 hours.

Happy Birthday Dad

2007-04-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Dad's birthday today. Same day as Earth Day =) Usually, close to the actual birthday, we would be discussing where to go for the birthday dinner/lunch. And it has invariably been a buffet for the last few years. This time round, we have already covered most of the better hotel buffets and the nice restaurant ones. At least the ones cheaper than 50=) I've already done the Brazilian place at 6th Avenue, and Melt (which I had been dying to go to and where Dad puked from overeating) I've also done nice Olive Tree, which I wouldn't mind going again to.

Anyway, this time round, I did the organising. It was either MinJiang or Majestic. I couldn't think of anywhere else and frankly, I wasn't particularly inspired by any restaurant right now.

Chubby Hubby's review of Majestic Restaurant won me over.

We went there for dinner tonight. All of us had that Peking duck and wasabi prawn and foie gras starter which was DELECTABLE. The prawn was so crunchy and the touch of mayo coating it was just right. The Foie Gras was slightly cripy from being pan-seared, but it was oozing with oils when I sliced it. YUM.

The lamb was also melt in the mouth. The carrot cake on the side wasn't too dry and it was flavourful. The lamb was surprisingly succulent although it looked quite well done.

The soft shell crab was bathed in a rich chilli sauce with a hint of lime. Hmmm....

As for the dessert, my parents and sister had two dishes of the "Crispy Durian Ice Cream". Even a durian-hater like me could emphathise with why it sounded so irresistible. When it arrived at the table, it was a battered ball of durian paste sitting neatly on a pool of some mango-looking sauce that I could not identify.

That was one really good dinner!!!! Happy birthday Dad!!!

Apollo and Daphne

2007-04-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

This story suddenly came to me this evening as one of those random extensions of whatever else I was thinking about.

I remember the story of Apollo and Daphne. It was an Enid Blyton version of the story. When I read it, I was filled with sympathy for Daphne and anger towards Apollo. For this was a testament of how man could cause the destruction of woman. And all that relentless chasing was to no avail. What, I ask, can come out of it? He pursued, and despite her numerous piteous pleas, the goal-oriented man continued to head towards her, with no idea of what she actually wanted, with no idea of what true love entailed.

This is how the pursuit was described on one website:

"She, hating the thought of marriage as a crime, with her beautiful face tinged all over with blushes, threw her arms around her father's neck, and said, "Dearest father, grant me this favour, that I may always remain unmarried, like Diana." He consented, but at the same time said, "Your own face will forbid it."

Apollo loved her, and longed to obtain her; and he who gives oracles to all the world was not wise enough to look into his own fortunes. He saw her hair flung loose over her shoulders, and said, "If so charming, in disorder, what would it be if arranged?" He saw her eyes bright as stars; he saw her lips, and was not satisfied with only seeing them. He admired her hands and arms, naked to the shoulder, and whatever was hidden from view he imagined more beautiful still. He followed her; she fled, swifter than the wind, and delayed not a moment at his entreaties. "Stay," said he, "daughter of Peneus; I am not a foe. Do not fly me as a lamb flies the wolf, or a dove the hawk. It is for love I pursue you. You make me miserable, for fear you should fall and hurt yourself on these stones, and I should be the cause. Pray run slower, and I will follow slower. I am no clown, no rude peasant. Jupiter is my father, and I am lord of Delphos and Tenedos, and know all things, present and future. I am the god of song and the lyre. My arrows fly true to the mark; but, alas! an arrow more fatal than mine has pierced my heart! I am the god of medicine, and know the virtues of all healing plants. Alas! I suffer a malady that no balm. can cure!"

The nymph continued her flight, and left his plea half uttered. And even as she fled she charmed him. The wind blew her garments, and her unbound hair streamed loose behind her. The god grew impatient to find his wooings thrown away, and, sped by Cupid, gained upon her in the race. It was like a hound pursuing a hare, with open jaws ready to seize, while the feebler animal darts forward, slipping from the very grasp. So flew the god and the virgin- he on the wings of love, and she on those of fear. The pursuer is the more rapid, however, and gains upon her, and his panting breath blows upon her hair. Her strength begins to fail, and, ready to sink, she calls upon her father, the river god: "Help me, Peneus! open the earth to enclose me, or change my form, which has brought me into this danger!" Scarcely had she spoken, when a stiffness seized all her limbs; her bosom began to be enclosed in a tender bark; her hair became leaves; her arms became branches; her foot stuck fast in the ground, as a root; her face became a tree-top, retaining nothing of its former self but its beauty, Apollo stood amazed. He touched the stem, and felt the flesh tremble under the new bark. He embraced the branches, and lavished kisses on the wood. The branches shrank from his lips. "Since you cannot be my wife," said he, "you shall assuredly be my tree. I will wear you for my crown; I will decorate with you my harp and my quiver; and when the great Roman conquerors lead up the triumphal pomp to the Capitol, you shall be woven into wreaths for their brows. And, as eternal youth is mine, you also shall be always green, and your leaf know no decay." The nymph, now changed into a Laurel tree, bowed its head in grateful acknowledgment."

I have also always wondered why the women in Greek and Roman mythology were so weak. Look at Psyche, Clytie, Persephone, Io, etc. All weak women with no power over their own destinies. Even the athletic and headstrong independent Daphne ultimately succumbed to becoming an object of desire and lust for ETERNITY by becoming a laurel tree. There was no escape.

But to some extent, I too, let others decide my future and my happiness, don't I? I too carry the mantra of "come what may, what is meant to be will be meant to be". I call it leaving it up to God. Let God decide. And so I will do nothing? Is that the way to interpret God's word? He said not to worry, but did he say "not to do"? Oftentimes, I wonder whether it's a matter of one's own will too. There are other Christians who will rise up to the occasion to create change. They know what they want and they go about taking the steps to execute it. It is something that I, 25-year-old I, have yet been able to do.

I see friends around me who do. And I compare myself with them. I also see how much my life has actually progressed over the last 2 years, and I have to answer "not much". Every day is a day waiting for something more to happen. That cannot be.

Saturday

2007-04-22T02:51:00.000+08:00

I just watched Blithe Spirit. It was a hoot. I found out what it was about from P already, so I went in with expectations. But thankfully, I wasn't let down. My mind was wandering a bit at first, but I realised that the fun is in listening out for the reparte between Lim Kay Siu's character and his wives. The script is well done - witty and fast.

However, I think where it failed to be perfect was in the delivery of the lines. Lim Kay Siu and Neo Swee Lin had good lines, but some of the funny bits fly past you because they were delivered so nonchalantly and without much panache. They didn't look too comfortable saying some of the things. And Pam Oei was underutilised here as the domestic servant. Really, she's capable of so much more. But here, as the maid that flits in and out occasionally, she didn't have much opportunity to show off her acting chops. I also don't know why Neo Swee Lin always gets the uptight granny-ish worried roles.

We went to Purvis St for dinner and then later supper. We went to Tong Shui Cafe twice, once for a drink right after dinner and then later for a post-play session. The thick toast with peanut butter was HUGE. RICH AND GOOEY AND THICK AND er, after some time I was massively saturated from it.

And then, E and I went to salsa!!! Haha, it was far less crowded than usual. I expected far more people. But this also meant that the dance floor was nice and empty=) I think that I enjoy the Bachata quite a bit. I'm getting the hang of the dance. Just swivel your hips and sway the rhythm. And always remember to give the ass a final swish at the end of the 4-count bar. I think I can do the dances which require less technical maneuvering and which just requires a lot of booty action=) Yay, I know my strengths.. hahaha.

ok, but the down feeling is still there. Not much I can say without sounding cryptic. But I don't want to say too much either here. I just feel that this is a chapter I have to close and I don't want to.

Post Cheong

2007-04-21T04:08:00.000+08:00

It's a very sudden low I'm feeling right now. Right after the high of Friday night. Friday night is something I look forward to every single day of the week. And I savour every single minute of it.

Today I went for my salsa class, after which we went for dinner at this half past six place at Millenia Walk. I can't even remember the name of the restaurant, which was next to Bakerzin. But they offered so many dishes that I felt it couldn't be that good. It was only average. And I didn't finish even half of it.

Later, we went to Jitterbugz for their social dance. Basically it's a dance floor open to people to come to salsa. Peter's friends from 2LeftFeet were there, which was how the plan started in the first place. Boy was it fun. Initially I had no energy... I was completely sapped of all energy, having slept at 230 the night before. But it didn't take long to get totally psyched up. I hadn't social danced for the longest time, and I've forgotten how fun it can be! The guys I danced with were very keen to teach and they were very friendly. And they don't just clique amongst themselves. I didn't know any guys there except Kersley and Peter, but I managed to dance with quite a few=)

Next program of the night was CHEONG AT BUTTER FACTORY. So that was what we did. Again, Eunice and I were just sponging of Peter by going for all his activities with his friends =) By this time, Eunice and I were so totally psyched by the salsa dancing. We could hear the music in our heads... haha. Amazingly, upon reaching, I realised I knew quite a few of the scholars present. Eerie. How ghosts from the past just surface after almost 8 years of having slipped down the surface...

That was one good cheonging session. It helped to see so many familiar faces that I knew, whether it be the law people or the scholars. And dancing with Eunice and Joanne was always fun. And the drinks got me happily merry. Not BAD HIGH. Yes, I think I had a lot of fun.

I left at about 2am. And after supper, I was headed for home.

Haiz. But through it all, there was a certain thought in my mind. Something that I just could not let go. And when I returned home, suddenly this feeling of loss just came flooding back. All I can do right now is to question "why". But I do not know the answer to the question that has been in my head for a long long time. Maybe I never will.

I am resigned to it.

Googling my name

2007-04-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

Just for the heck of it, I googled my own name: J____ C___. I figured that the odds of someone googling for me using just "J____ C___" instead of my full name "J____ C___ Y____" was much higher. What came out sure makes me look like one staid boring person, give and take some irrelevant and odd entries.

The first few websites on the list were those that mentioned my contribution to CLAS: Criminal Legal Aid Scheme. Not one of my prouder moments. But ok. It just showed that I represented two people under the scheme. One for culpable homicide and one for drug importation.

The next one was a blog of a much younger namesake, who's 13 and living in Singapore. And her name is spelt in the exact same way. Yucks.

What happened to my 'glammer' contributions, like the Singapore Marathon?

Chocolate

2007-04-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

It's high time I had an entry on my all time favourite food - Chocolate. Ok, it's ranked up there with my other favourite food - Tofu. But very rarely do you get the mass nodding of approval and general assent when you tell people that your favourite food is a curdled cube of soy. Yes, very rarely.

This article in NYT caught my eye. It's interesting to chart the rise and the development of what we know as the chocolate dessert. It says that, nowadays, chocolate desserts are increasing its chocolate density and percentage, whereas previously, it would take up only a small portion of the dessert itself. And nowadays, everyone is vying with everyone else to create the perfect, or the most intense, or the darkest, chocolate dessert. And it seems that the method to do so is to add more nuts, more chocolate, more butter. Essentially, MAXIMISE MAXIMISE MAXIMISE.

And how else, besides adding more rich ingredients, would add to the perfect concoction? Try adding the perfect name to it. Think of names that would conjure up sensory overload. Like "Intense", "Indulgence", "Fudge-frosted", "Orgasm", "Chewy Gooey", "Lava"... Get the drift? In fact, I am drooling as I write this.

Yes, now the thought of my mother's gooey, chewy, warm dark chocolate sponge cake oozing melted chocolate chips is popping up in my head now.

ps Check out the article. It's hilarious!

For Your Consideration

2007-04-07T00:19:00.000+08:00

Hmmm I went to watch the show For Your Consideration today. It's a postmodern take on reality, and how reality is really a construct.

What started out to be a really bad film which the actors had roles in snowballed into the supposed movie of the year. It's quite funny, really. Quite a refreshing change from the usual Hollywood fare. And it was entertaining trying to identify the various actors who have made appearances in other shows that I've watched. I recognised Amy's weird dad on Everybody loves Raymond, or an actress who appeared on Arrested Development, and then there was environmentalist Ed Bageley Jr. Basically, it was a gathering of some stellar but not prominent actors laughing at the system that is Hollywood. And how, no matter how important the actors think themselves to be, especially while they are winning accolades and rave reviews in the Oscar circuit, they are still bit actors playing a small thankless part in the whole process. No one is indispensable.

I watched it with Jeremy, who had the habit of correcting my English at random points of our night-long conversation. But it was good fun. We went to Father Flanagan's for dinner. I was quite sad to hear that it was closing down on April 21, so I wanted to go one last time as a last Hurrah. Some nice times were spent here. I remember them well. But all good things must come to an end.

More Morocco

2007-04-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Morocco

Here are more pictures, courtesy of dearest Kris! The first one was just a teaser!!!! Morocco is really exotic. Every time you turn around, there's a Kodak moment=)

My Lovely Holiday

2007-04-01T02:07:00.000+08:00

Back... It had been the best best trip... I saw the struggling developing world that is Morocco, and then I returned to the Land of our Imperial colonial masters... haha. I like to think that I ran back into the arms of civilisation with a blast of relief. But of course, that makes me sound utterly spoilt. Hmmm.

Morocco was great. For 8 days anyway. Anymore and I would have to kill one of the stray men who yelled out "Konichiwa" or "Kombawa" to us. And it wasn't that they were being polite. They were just teasing a reply out you. For two days we ignored the more than 40 catcalls we got per day. Then, we thought we came up with a good retort: "Je ne suis pa Japonais" (I am not Japanese!)This followed with a "Korean? Chinois? Americain?" Then after that, we learnt that silence was the best medicine. But we still got the occasional "Racist?" ??!!!

And then there were the hamsup men. HAMSUP MEN WHO TOUCHED US ANYWAY AND AT ANY CHANCE THEY COULD!!! I have been caressed, stroked, hugged, nicknamed, and had beard bristling against my cheek at every opportunity!!! Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but being Chinese and travelling with another girl is a surefire way to encourage these young Moroccan guys. Hmmph!!!

But you know what, amidst all that inconvenience that is horny Moroccan men, I had a fab time in Morocco. I travelled to lesser trekked parts of Marrakesh with dear Kris, like the Jewish area and the tanneries, and came back unscathed and somewhat tougher. There were slightly nervewrecking moments, like when we were surrounded by guys demanding money for the tanneries. Or at the Jewish area, where we did not know where we were going and we kept getting this weird guy following us.

Whatever it was, these little rough escapades were what made Morocco exciting. You never know what the day will bring. And I think I learnt from Kris the art of standing up for oneself. (That was how I learnt how to yell at the guy at the lift today... the one who called E* bitch for no reason whatsoever)

Kris was also lovely company. I think the company is always the most important. If conversation is shitty, or if you are having a fight with the person you are travelling with, u ain't going to have a ball of a time.

And I can never forget the Sahara, with its sweeping sand dunes. The shadows playing against the smooth sand. When you walk on it, it's like destroying something that was really beautiful. Even if you know the dunes are temporal.

And how beautiful the Djenna el Fena looked from above in the roof top terrace of a café. How the colours change within the hour. And how the drums sound as people swarmed to the square in droves. And then the smoke swirls from above the food stalls as people mill around. And then all the lights start blinking and flaring. And the ever steady beat of the drum was like the rousing heart beat of a sole organism. Cliché I know.

Then to UK I went. I was very relieved to be part of a more civil society once more, a place where I won’t get harassed every 30 seconds.

I had quite a bit of relaxing me-time in UK. Time to think. Time to ponder. Time to just appreciate my surroundings. Things I haven’t done for some time. And immediately, Ecclesiastes comes to mind=) In UK, this time round, it was good to be with my friends, who were really hospitable and who were there for me. There were quite a few ‘first’ experiences too. Here are some of the highlights. Most of them are food highlights:

1. Carluccio’s
We went to Carluccio’s – This delightful Italian restaurant near Oxford Circus. Set up by some celebrity chef, it serves light Italian fare with a slight twist. I had this penne with fried spinach balls and done aglio olio. I can’t stop thinking about it. The mushroom soup was done as a clear soup with huge chunks of bacon and mushroom swirling in it, with a rich thick foccacia on the side. Yum… … There was a Jamie Oliver quality to this restaurant. It was light fare, nothing to pompous or fancy. Comfort food.

2. Jazz performance
I went to Kevin’s Jazz performance at the Royal College of Art café. This is what being an undergrad is like in UK!!! Kevin’s in this jazz band that performs regularly at such venues to undergraduates. It was fun to be part of the younger crowd again, and to see how their undergrads live life in London. I like the scene here. Made me feel young again, especially when everyone got up and started to dance at the end. It was very difficult to dance to some of the music, but they all just bobbed up and down on the spot! Hats off to them for their spontaneity and enthusiasm man… Kristin was telling me about how they used to hang out in US. And this reminded her so much of her experience there. Sometimes I wish I knew or understood her experience in US more.

3. Cambridge
I went to Cambridge by myself. It didn’t have the best weather, but it made me feel so relaxed and at ease. I haven’t felt like that in the longest time… I went to a few of the colleges, walked around Lion’s Yard, walked up and down a few times, had the best pecan tart at a popular patisserie… I had a blast=)

4. Kobe Jones!!!
I went to Kobe Jones, a Jap Fusion restaurant. When Kevin was waxing lyrical about it, I didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t in Kristin’s Zagat guide because it just opened a few months ago. But after going there, I have discovered a whole new category of cuisine… honestly. It’s opened my eyes in more ways than one.. haha. The food is awesome. I didn’t know that such things could be done to Japanese food!!! And then I really started to understand what it meant to DINE IN LONDON. Dining in London is a holistic experience. It’s not just about the food. The ambience, the service, the conversation and the alcohol…. They all make up parts of what good entertainment is. And London is the place to go. I couldn’t think of a single place in Singapore that even bears a slight resemblance to the experience I had there. Try the “Number 1 Special”($4.50) when you get there people. It sounds really dubious, but you won’t regret it. Kevin, you officially have good taste in my book!

5. Plays
I watched 2 plays – Woman in Black and Boeing Boeing. I REALLY REALLY LOVED THE FIRST ONE. It was something I’ve always heard about it and I have been dying to check it out since Mr Perry talked about it in our lit class! Teachers can really plant seeds into students’ minds. I had been carrying this with me the last 7 years. And it has lived to its expectations. I never really thought I could be scared and freaked by something that is playing out live.

BOEING BOEING was good too. Light-hearted but a little draggy at some parts.

6. Yauatcha
But the highlight of the night has to be Yauatcha. It’s this high-end place which serves good fancy dim sum (catered to ang mohs of course) It was set up by Allan Yau, the man behind wagamama and hakkasan. I was won over by their ostrich dumplings, crispy Mongolian lamb, and venison puffs (which taste and look like char siew puffs). Upon entering, you realize that it has elements of a typical Chinese restaurant. It’s very tongue in cheek. There is your requisite aquarium, but with fancy fish instead of fish to be served as food. There is also the typical Chinese peonies/flowers by the side of the cashier. But they are done up in a stylistic manner.

And that’s where the similarities end. This is high end London fare for you. It’s like the supposed latest place to be seen. I personally don’t go to such places, but I must say that the food really impressed. Plus, you can tell that care and attention has been given to the smallest details, from the black marble of the washrooms and the terraced sinks, to the stylish faux cheongsams that the waitresses wear.

Kusu Island - nature reef walk turned fright fest

2007-03-28T00:21:00.000+08:00

Kusu - Never underestimate your power to be grossed out!

While I'm at it... here's Australia!!!

2007-03-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

Aussie

Morocco - Land of Brilliant Sunrises, Sheep's heads, escargots with attached antenna, Hamsup men & Conical-shaped earthenware

2007-03-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

Morocco

LONDON

2007-03-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

London

Seduction

2007-02-18T23:12:00.001+08:00

HMMPH!!!!!!!!!!

blah

2007-02-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling really really down. I think it's the fact that when I look around, everyone is moving on as the years go on. Everyone is moving onto the different phases of life - settling down, growing in their ministries, building families, etc. And there's always some improvement or some upgrade in their lives when we meet up. I look back and it's only been a few years since I entered into university, but already so many things have happened.

But I find myself reaching some plateau. I'm not moving in. I'm stuck in traction. Maybe it's the CNY blues, the fact that I have more free time on my hands this period is probably not a good thing. I don't want to live only for the present. I want to live for a tomorrow. And I like to think that the next day is painted with hope. But it never ever is.

Haha, and frivolous it may seem, surfing friendster.com is also not a good thing. I see the lives of my friends constantly changing. New updates all the time.

When I meet friends, they always ask, "any updates? what's new?" And I always shrug the shoulders: "Same old, nothing has changed." And at that moment, I always feel a sense of loss and defeatism.

Yes, I'm feeling very defeated. Stuck. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel God is helping me very much.

I want to move on.

2007-02-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

My heart does beat a little faster when I think about this. But maybe I'm just setting myself up for raw disappointment again? Maybe I'm presenting a biased view of the facts?

I should be taking charge of my own life, instead of waiting ardently at the benches for my train to come.

But I don't dare. I'm too proud.

Dumb for days

2007-02-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am officially dumb. I can't talk. I can only whisper... I can't even croak.

As a result, I can't speak to clients. Joleen, my secretary, has to talk to them on the phone for me, while I sadly type out my response. She then reads out my response to the sympathetic client/solicitor at the other end of the line. I never felt so helpless and reliant on others since I was a kid.

I can't even order food... I can't order anything that requires stating the item that I need. So that means no coffee for me, nothing that I can't order by pointing to.

I get laughs and amused smiles when I whisper "I have no voice" to the person who is valiantly trying to converse with me. And when they do try to talk to me, all of them do it with soft inaudible tones too. I think they are influenced by my whispering. Honestly.

And I can't talk in certain settings because it's too loud to whisper. I can't plan lunch appointments because no one is going to want to talk to someone who can't talk back! Arrghh.

But I also see the nice caring sides of people. Of the random people who rally around offering me pipagao or suggest remedies to salve the throat. Of the kind pupil who passed me a box of Chinese lozenges, to the good friend who retrieved a whole jar of honey left from a Christmas gift for my own use.

I want my voice back!!! Grrrr....

(This week, I'll have a shot at being dumb AND being blind since I'm going for LASIK on thursday and Friday... pray for me!!!)

2007-02-02T00:56:00.000+08:00

And I don't know why I keep torturing myself. I thought I was above it all.... ...

restless

2007-02-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

I am getting a restless vibe. It's a feeling that something is just round the corner and I can't focus on the present because of it. It seems like something will be happening very soon. And I can't wait to find out what it is. Then again, maybe it's just a fleeting feeling, one that comes and goes. I can't explain it.

I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn and my heart is beating so loudly and quickly that I am incapable of rest. Insomnia has struck yet again.

I am also irrationally happy. I can't explain it. And I don't know what it is. But it's really distracting me from my surroundings, and making me incapable of focusing.

Maybe it's the monotony that has hit just a bit too hard. It has hit so hard that now it has resulted in my construction of an anticipation or expectation that 2007 will bring something more soon. It's making me wait and wonder. For nothing. The ennui has become a false high. Does that make sense?!

2007

2007-01-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

Zam v PP
The criminal appeal is finally over. I think it's left a bad taste in my mouth. But I don't regret ever taking it up. It was very scary, especially when you know a life is in your hands. Plus you are on the side with all the disadvantages. The prosecution will always have the upper hand, no matter what they say about "Innocent until proven guilty". I don't believe in that anymore. My client was a dead man from the start.

I don't believe that all is fair and that my client would have received due process of the law. @#$%^ I like to think that I came out of it having learnt a bit more about what justice in the courts is like. And 'nuff said.

When it came out in the papers, I didn't read it at first. I just heard that my name was mentioned, and not in a good way. This made me freak out quite a bit, until I read the article and heaved a sigh of relief. Yes, my name was mentioned. But thankfully, not in a bad light. I was honestly frightened of being implicated.

Others things
This has been a pretty slow week at the office. I don't have very much to do. It's making a bit concerned, because everywhere I turn, people are busy. Even the intern is busier than me! Many people are involved in NKF, so I don't see the NKF team at all. They are just rushing from place to place. Brings back fond memories of my time during the BGC trial=)

I felt like shit then. Even though I complain about having too much capacity now, it feels really good to be able to walk out of the office at 615. I stil feel guilty walking out so early with my bag. But I'm determined to seize this free time for ME time. It's good that Sanctification week at church is falling in my office lull period.

Time to do the following in my Lull period:
1. Planning for 2007
- This is my year of thinking through my future. I'm not going to waste my youth and then realise I have so many dreams that just remained dreams. I'm lazy and I have inertia, but I'm determined to overcome that to fulfil some of the wishes I have. I just hope God and I have the same dream.

- I want to plan for my personal life, my career and my ministry. What does God have in store for me? I need to find out, and to do this, I need more time by myself to go through this.

- This is also a year of trying to improve in the skills I have now. I'm really a jack of all trades and master of none. My interests are fleeting. But I know that if I stick to something, I can really become good at it. But nothing has caught my eye for more than a short period of time.

2. Salsa
- I kickstarted 2007 with salsa. I just went to Union Square on Saturday, and it was really great. It made me realise I have so much to improve. I hadn't touched salsa for about 7 months, so now I feel like the worst one in my class. But I won't stay last for long!!!

- I can't see how some guys can go to Union Square every single day though. There are so many other things to do. How does one find the time and the dedication to go every single day? Hats off to them.

3. Lasik!!!
- I'm feeling a bit nervous about this. It's scheduled to fall on the days right before CNY Eve. Hope it goes well...

4. ... ... ...
- I don't know what 2007 has in store for me, but I'm curious to find out how God brings me through this year. I'll be 25. That's the year my skin officially starts aging!!! I am getting physically old, although mentally and emotionally, I don't feel that grounded yet. There are so many things to think through, so many plans to make for the future. Nothing is certain. I look at my married friends and wonder if marriage is what makes the difference. Those who are getting married or who have already taken that step are already in the next phase of their lives. I don't know where I am going. But should it be dependent on whether I get married? I don't think so. I think this maturity should arrive regardless of whether there is a partner to share these things with. And I guess this is something I have to learn.

For the past few years, the area of relationships have just hit a wall. I don't know what my journey will be in this area. It had been either fleeting or it had boiled down to nothing. Eventually. My girlfriends and my er, 'privileged guy friends' would be privy to all the little incidents here and there that have happened the past few years. Thanks for being my confidantes.

2007-01-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

My sister's professor died and was buried last Saturday. As a professor of sociology for many years, he has managed to touch many lives. Many apparently came to mourn over his death, and to bid him a final farewell. The eulogies were touching, students were reminescing about what a great mentor and friend he had been...

Of course, all these were not witnessed first hand, but through a source - my sister.

And yet, I couldn't help wondering, as a litigation lawyer, what my funeral would be like. This job comes with a trade-off. Who would attend my funeral? Clients wouldn't be queueing up to say goodbye to lawyers. What would they say? "She was efficient" or "She was a good drafter"?

Future Sex/Love Sounds

2007-01-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

I really like Justin Timberlake's new album Future Sex/Love Sounds. I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it. It's a teenage girl's dream. He has managed to maintain his Mickey Mouse Club cheeky persona while being able to break the ranks into quasi adulthood by dating Cameron Diaz. Not bad. And the contrast with the ever-fading Britney Spears really helps.

His sound is much more mature now, as is his image. I have almost forgotten that messy head of curls, those of N'Sync. Almost.

But you know what, there's an insousiance about him that is very charming. Not everyone can pull it off. It must be his Mickey Mouse Club street cred=p

His new album is great. I really really like some of the songs on the album, especially MyLove. Time to download the rest of the album!!!

My very own December holidays

2007-01-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

Just back from the holidays and sort of well-rested. "Sort of" only because my version of being well-rested and refreshed usually involves urban trekking in some great European city or some exotic highway in the US. THAT is the ideal.

Contrary to the norm I once knew, staying in Singapore and hanging out in places I haven't been to in a while is exciting and refreshing too. I didn't appreciate ECP so much until I got to savour it during office hours! Running along east coast park was great. Thank God for the beautiful weather, the clouds, the wind, the waves, even the dragonflies. I'm a naturalist. The beach appeals to my senses. And I can see the Divine in His handiwork.

I also savoured the passive moments - sitting at Caffebar drinking a coffee and penning down my thoughts, watching people at Level one of Parkway Parade stroll past towards the sale at Marks&Sparks... Thinking, planning, making resolutions, crafting my ideas for the year ahead... Thank God for this hiatus for me to rest and just be myself. Without having to be someone's employee, someone's colleague, someone's legal slave!

And now the loneliness sets in a tad, but in a calm and passive way. There is no manic depression, no pessimistic thoughts. Rather, it is a sanguine awareness of how God's plans fall into place. I have ideas about how I want 2007 to start. I just need to start executing them.

This rest period was also catch up time to do mundane things like catching the latest movies. I got to catch Night at the Museum, Borat, Blood Diamonds and The Holiday. I also got to watch two seasons worth of Prison Break at one go on one stormy rainy day and a few other quiet nights. That makes it almost 24 hours worth of Wentworth Miller.

Prison Break

2006-10-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

It's a self-imposed duty for me to look at the various new US TV shows and consider which ones I'd be interested in being a loyal follower of - the TV shows I would be willing to sacrifice some social activities for, or some sleep for. (Apparently, *shock* lack of sleep is linked to obesity! No wonder... but I digress).

Currently, my status as Loyal Follower is with regards to a few stellar shows: Gilmore Girls, Lost, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Will & Grace. Prison Break is another such.

Yes, I'm slow (only this once!) I've been recommended the series before but was too lazy to check it out, although the episodes were sitting at my desk at home. Prison Break is into its third season now I think. I've seen it on bittorrent for the longest time. But now I'm pledging my loyalty to the series.

Prison Break is incredibly smart and thrilling. And it helps that Wentworth Miller is hot. He's very familiar. I haven't browsed his bio, but I've definitely seen him in some show recently. The plot seems to hinge on the rescue of Wenworth Miller's brother, who's on death row. I refuse to look at the episode guides online. But Channel 5 is simply too slow. Every time one episode concludes, I can't wait for the next episode. It's like how I was with ER eons ago, back when I was 13, back when I discovered the wonderful world of US TV for the first time. And I never went back.

Yes, I will start watching Prison Break with a vengeance.

weekend exploits

2006-10-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

I'm developing very disturbing habits. Going karaoking twice in a month! Learning the mahjong. Eating all my 3 meals. Not getting up regularly to run every other day. Learning to love the beer. Gambling at the turf club. Craving fine dining...=)

Not that I'm complaining. I'm having a blast. I'm having a really good month, despite all that working. Actually it's because work is so tedious that I feel that my free time has gotten very very precious. Carpe diem I say.

But maybe there's a thread of escapism in these pursuits. I'm always on the go, nary any time for thinking through some of the things I need to think about. I need some alone time soon.

WAKEBOARDING

2006-10-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

If there's a sport that resembles skiing or snowboarding it'll have to be this. I'm really getting a kick out of wakeboarding. The last time I went was some 4 years ago, but when I tried it again last month, I realised I've been missing out all these years. And WOW.

I had a few false starts the first time, and I forgot how to get up. But I think, once you've got it, you don't really lose it. It's like riding a bicycle. After the first two splats, I finally managed to stay within the wake.

And the rush of the wind and the sounds of the boat ride in front of you and the fact that you are skimming water gives you a huge rush. There are only so many words I can use to explain this exhilarating feeling.

The second time, just yesterday, was even better. With the help of good old "Uncle Robert" the instructor, we managed to understand how to properly cross the wake, how to stand rod straight when crossing the left, how to bend when crossing the right, how to thrust your hip towards the handle, how to land lightly and absorb the shock before standing straight... ok these technicalities are boring. But in the second lesson, I managed to cross both wakes, return back to the inside of the wake and I skimmed the outside right next to the boat. When the boat did a u-turn, I was hanging on to the rope for dear life, but it was like being on a roller coaster. Only better. No safety handles, no seats and no safety net. Just a rope.

When I crossed the wake yesterday, there were a few moments when the board hit the wake and lifted straight up into the air. And when I landed back onto the water, there was a very neat pop sound. *GRINZ* And part of the thrill is losing control and feeling sort of wobbly, but then getting your sense of balance quickly such that you regain stability and you feel top of the world again. Yes, it's the same feeling as the one I had while skiing. (I ALSO LOVE SKIING).

Given, there were many splats. I had quite a few concussions. The first time, I felt sick the whole day after going into the water because of one awful thump in the head by the wake.

And then there are the floating debris and the obiquitous jellyfish. Every so often we would see one floating past the boat. And as you are submerged in the water waiting for the boat to get started, you feel a tad vulnerable knowing that you are probably in the same habitat as that blasted jellyfish.

But that was all worth it. Now I'm looking forward to my next lesson come Nov 4!

Must remember to bring my camera...

Death of my Laptop - may Natalie R.I.P.

2006-08-12T11:34:00.000+08:00

My beloved laptop died. It just decided to cough up the blue screen on Monday. And then it told me it was going to begin "initial dump of physical memory", at which point I couldn't watch anymore. I tried to resuscitate it, but then it started to make these grinding noises. Every grind brought about the slow steady destruction of every single file I had inside. I could see my pictures get ground away, jpg by jpg. It was heartbreaking.

And then it was sent for the full body works. But when it came back it just wasn't the same anymore. My codecs were all gone, my beautiful wallpaper with Ponte Vecchio stripped down, with the standard uniform Microsoft background in place. There were no picture to see, no movies to watch, no songs. No more Ares. No more Received Files from friends. No more diary entries. No more legal documents. And at this point, no Internet connection. It's like Robocop. I've gotten my laptop back. But it just isn't the same anymore.

Sheares Bridge Run

2006-08-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

I signed up for the Army Half Marathon today... There was a booth right outside Hall 5, just where the World Climbing Competition was being held. It was like a sign. And the promoters were so eager...

So I signed up on behalf of Qinlong and myself. It's a good incentive to get myself fit and running again!!!

Wine Tasting

2006-08-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Did a wine tasting at Ponti Wines yesterday. Zach helped to organise the gathering. It was a hodge podge of friends from all over, including one or two whom I recognised. His uncle is a wine afficionado who buys wine by the cases. I had a good chat with him about Australian wines (I LOVE AUSTRALIA). It turns out that he is a Katnook Estate fan!

Yes I have been drinking. Quite a bit recently. I've discovered the wonders of tasting wine and trying to glean the various flavours and complexities within the wine. It's amazing how many layers can be deciphered from just one sip, one sniff, one whirl of the glass. Yes I sound pretentious. But the wine was just so good! There's really no other beverage (apart from coffee) that can intrigue me just as much. I am very impressed with his uncle, who certainly knows his wines very well. He even set up a wine portal for friends and other wine lovers. Zach himself knows how to appreciate wines. Thankfully I found a wine kaki in him!

Out of the 7 wines we tried yesterday, I have a particular fondness for the first one, the Sauvignon Blanc. With about 15% of Viognier, it has a fruity, viscose, "oily" quality that gives it some interesting depth. After that one introduction to Viognier, it got very easy to detect even the slightest tinge of the grape variety. I have to check it out a bit more... And I like the premier reds, the last 2. It went down so smoothly, with barely an aftertaste. Plus the bouquet was beautiful. I also like the Blend. I can't remember what it was a blend of, but I know there was some shiraz and cabernet in that one. Very interesting, how they mesh the various types of grape in one wine and yet it turns out so rounded and full-bodied...

Reminds me of Australia and my wonderful wine-tasting holiday in Coonowarra =)

Floyd

2006-08-04T00:10:00.000+08:00

I'm watching Floyd the drunken celebrity travel chef. Ahh, my stress reliever. It's hilarious to watch him get really high while he pretends to cook something fabulous. Even more hilarious is his attempt to modify the actual dish in the homeland of the dish. Eg: cooking his version of curry in India. Now Floyd is cooking in Denmark... Cooking paella.... hmmm.

Marathon?

2006-07-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'm contemplating whether to join the Standard Chartered Marathon again. The thought process goes like this:

1) Standard Chartered, ya?
2) Which category? 21 or 42.195?
3) If I do 21, it feels somewhat anticlimax. If I do 42.195, I better get some good training, or else I'd DIE.
4) I don't have time I don't have time I don't have time.
5) I will have to wake up REALLY EARLY on saturdays.

I just took a look at D's timetable, snitched off the standard chartered website, and I completely freak out. It means u have to run practically everyday. Inside I laugh. No, actually I laugh out loud. What are the odds of completing such a routine? Can D do it? (hurhurhur)

If I do 42.195, I must clock in a good time. My time last year was 5h 18min, which wasn't too bad for me. So if I get a time which is way worse this year, that would completely suck and drain all the satisfaction I got from marathon 2005. My ego is v v big. OK, so maybe the answer is: no 42.195. But maybe 21km?

Hmm, maybe I should sign up for AHM first. But AHM? Do I have enough fitness to do AHM at a proficient pace now? (Inside I yell, NO. But my ego says YES)

OK, my ego wins. I'll do AHM. Think about standard chartered tomorrow.

2006-07-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I don't understand how, no matter how old I get, no matter how my outlook changes, and no matter how my interactions and my social circle expands and diversifies, the same problems will continue to plague me. People will still react towards u in the same way. No matter how much u think you have changed. Confidence, more developed opinions, changed perspectives, a more varied lifestyle, all comes down to nothing...

I've created some new friendships over the past few years. Some have fizzled; some have bloomed; others were on the verge of being a nice comfortable friendship. And then one day it just... disappears? How many have there been that just went on the same path? Am I overcomplicating things? I don't know why this is bugging me so much.

2006-07-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

I'm back. It's been a long while, but I think the simple word, "WORK", vindicates me. It's been quite harrowing adjusting to my new responsibilities. People management, both upper and lower tier management, is a drain in itself. Not to mention, obligations to the client, what to do and what not to do, the PRs of the legal profession. I'm REALLY TIRED!!!

But I love my weekends. I'll willingly slog to the bone on weekdays in order to get my saturdays and sundays free, to go out and pretend that I have an alternate life, with alternate friends, and I don't even have to think about the office and my files, where I can become me again. I find myself behaving differently, because I have to assume a more assertive persona, a more demanding more aggressive stance. No one must know how much experience I actually have. And what better way to cover this up by not asking the first questions that come to my head; and to respond with full confidence although sometimes I myself am in doubt. Yes, I'm a fraudster. But thank God any mistakes were reparable. And as my seniors say, we all make boo boos.

Back to the weekends. Loved the lazy breakfast at Choupinette with Lee Si, and the gourmet deli shopping, zipping into Cellar Door and Culina, buying atas cheese and pestos, buying the mini chocolat noir tarts that I so loved in France. Loved the good old zi char at that place near Rail Mall, loved the wine place with all that wine sampling and the Italian deli and good old flowing conversation...

Loved the time spent with Lynn and the bridal gown shopping, loved the chalet and that silly but oh-so-fun Murderer game, plus supper. Loved sleeping at 6am and waking up at 1pm(deja vu, I felt like I was back in hall).

I'm a planner. I can't help it. I already planned my next Friday and Saturday. It's a good plan, and hopefully it'll get executed, unlike my Wine Network plans last saturday that got cancelled for Le P'tit Breton. OK, not being atas here, but the crepes were really good!! Brings back wonderful (but disgusting memories for a certain travel mate) memories wolfing down nutella crepe after nutella crepe (and the odd savoury mushroom one) in Paris 2 yrs ago!!!

2006-06-05T22:51:00.000+08:00

Friendship is a compromise. Or it entails some sort of accommodation. If not, some sharing would enable the other to understand what one is going through. But it is sometimes impossible for another to know if the other doesn't share. If one cuts others out. If one suddenly cuts the other out without nary an explanation, how would the other know what is going on? One cannot keep taking. Nuff said.

Birthdays and musings

2006-06-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

I've given up on finding a nice blogskin for my blog. The intention was to find something original, something that wasn't available for all Blogspot bloggers. But I realise there's a reason why so many people just stick to the templates provided. They are dummy proof!!! I've toggled with the html, read countless of blog help sites and finally came to the conclusion that.... I'm too lazy and have too little time to make it perfect. So, for the time being, it's back to blogspot.

My birthday this year has been great. Meeting up with old friends, even sans presents, has been nice because meeting up is such a rarity nowadays. Presents are second priority, the meeting up is what makes it heartwarming because people are taking time out of their schedules and arranging to meet up. This weekend, we went to Amalfi, we being some of us hall mates. The Butter factory plan with some sec sch friends was scrapped to stay on with my hall friends. We trooped off to karaoke, which frankly, can be a bit of a downer when everyone is tired! Heh but at least we tried valiantly to maintain our social life in the midst of all that work!

Today we went to Joo Chiat, we this time referring to other hall mates. This has become somewhat of a familiar spot. I've been coming more and more lately, but no complaints. I love this area of Singapore, where the old meets the new. True Blue is an interesting restaurant. But I actually preferred the pongteh dishes in Ivins more than the one here... What was interesting was the banana flower salad dish. We were eating flower petals!

I find myself having to reevaluate my relationships around me. I place priorities on some and added to that comes expectations. When they fail to meet them, it makes me really disappointed. But sometimes these are small things which should come naturally, which I feel I am entitled to. So should I reevaluate the whole friendship, or should I reconcile myself with my tendency to over-expect? And then again, maybe I think too much. Birthdays make you expect, and they make you think about how some friends failed to deliver. But on the other hand, they touch you because certain friends go out of their way to just be there for you. Thank you you all. You know who you are.

Felt a bit down today because of Issue No. 1. Yes, I've mentally made a list of things that are of concern to me right now. And this translated in some hefty retail therapy. This is really very dangerous. I bought an iPOD video and some Zara er, things, in 1.5 hours while waiting for Zach. OK, to redeem myself, the iPOD was only going to be a matter of time, whether today or next week. And there WAS a sale on at the apple centre. But the extra Zara skirt was partly because I was feeling low. But really, time to remember that the saving must start. As Joey said, it's time to develop the hobby of collecting money=)

5 June is also my D-Day. The OFFICIAL start of my litigation career. I am appearing in court!

Thank you

2006-05-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

thanks to the lovely people who made my birthday sweet and fun this year=) There were few expectations, so it was really great. It's a bit of a downer to be one year older... I had always been excited previously - the start of a new year rings in a new year of possibilities and lessons to learn. But this time was really blah. I feel OLD. Not wiser, not even improved in any way. Just my morose whiny self. Haha.

God bless you all. Thank you so much once again!

Back from the Hiatus

2006-05-27T00:49:00.000+08:00

I left Singapore for Melbourne exhausted. Working really sucks up one's youth and energy and there comes a point when u really really need a break. And Melbourne really did it for me. The trip was so great. All that shopping, all that sitting around and bumming around quaint coffee shops, sipping piping hot frothy mocha and cake piled high, all that wine-sampling and fine weather.... I came back a happy trooper.

Melbourne is a wonderful place to live, even if just an average place for tourists. Knowing locals made it so much better. We were introduced to the best food and shopping places. And the nicest places to hang out in on weekends. We travelled to Coonawarra for gourmet dining and we hopped from winery to winery sampling a large range of wines. We were eyeing the Katnook Merlot, but decided to settle for the Samuel Port from Wynns Estate instead. At Piper's, we had the wonderful eye fillet steak with beef cheeks tartlet and warm chocolate pudding... In Melbourne itself, my sister and I strolled down Williamstown and discovered the perfect koogelhopf (we even bought the entire cake back). Coffee is to die for. We also happily gambled, at Crown Casino. And watched, with great apathy, the ever popular LOAGIES take place amidst much hyperventilating from Aussie TV fans. Arrived home with a greater appreciation for costume jewellery, diamonds, alcohol and higher standards for what constitutes good coffee.

I came back to work feeling like I could work at full throttle... But the mood lasted a good 24 hrs. I lost the "glow"very quickly, that energised look was swept clean after just a day. And it wasn't even a particularly busy week. In fact, I've been enjoying my new room, getting used to my new premises, meeting up with and chatting with people, celebrating birthdays, going for teas... Life has been good. Haha. Now that I'm billable, suddenly others have to think a little before assigning work to me. But I expect next week will be unpredictable.

Today was the start of the birthday celebrations=) And yay, I got Zara vouchers! Now to find things to buy... It has been a very mild week... Like the calm before a storm. A lot of time for myself to contemplate, to do the solitary things that I enjoy, to just sit... and mull. But mulling can be detrimental too. Sooner or later the thoughts will start to plague me and I have to get busy again.

2006-04-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

I am just going to cut to the chase here. No point being cryptic.

I don't know what's going on, but having the pall of grief hanging over my community was so bad once. Now to have it hit twice in less than 3 months... And I just realised that the first time I had any contact with these 2 people was when we went jogging at the retreat in Sembawang, at the campsite. Now 2 of them are gone.

The deja vu is stifling. JW's "and here we go again" still rings in my head. Both happened on Saturday. Both memorial services were on Sunday. Both funerals would be on Tuesday. Both in Mandai. The spiritual father and spiritual son have reunited so quickly.

And I can't help hearing a voice in my head, and I don't know if it comes from God. This voice asks if I love Him enough to give up my life for His cause. And I cannot say Yes yet. This voice asks if I'm ready to play my part in the great commission, whether or not it involves dying before my time. There's too much to anticipate, too much to look forward to. Just one month ago, my sis woke up with a very bad dream and the very heavy burden to pray for my protection. She told me she sensed danger coming my way. The whole of yesterday, I couldn't help looking around me in church, wondering what would come next. So many have been getting sick. There has been internal strife. Death has already struck. What worse thing could be thrown our way?

We must be doing something wonderful and powerful for the devil to be so afraid that he has to attempt to wage some spiritual battle with us. In fact, I think we are going to emerge much stronger and more united for it. Because we have shared so much grief together. It's really a cement. I never thought our network was really united because we are actually quite a disparate bunch. The various groups are just so different. But grief provides a commonality. And I feel so much more attuned and aware that this is a real war. The spiritual realm is very much amongst us, no matter how oblivious we are to it.

Our bodies expire, but we don't. Our souls will continue to live long and hard. This is just the trial phase, our baby steps. In a sense, if someone were to leave this earth prematurely, maybe it's because God has decided that he's learnt how to walk. I can't help remembering the friends I've known that have passed away young. When I do, I always remember how they were when they were flushed and alive. And laughing. Or sharing good conversation. But these memories will be coloured by my memories of the wake. Of all the crying and the shock. Always I remember that, more than I actually remember their lives.

Rationally, I understand that this life is merely temporary, and we have a whole lifetime after we shed our earthly shell. But I always feel robbed and cheated when someone young slips away. He didn't live his whole life out, I would think. It was cut short. If I were only able to not perceive it as being a life "cut short", but merely the end of that person's life as it was supposed to be, I would be more accepting of death at any age.

Love Languages

2006-04-04T23:32:00.000+08:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		12
Physical Touch:		6
Words of Affirmation:		5
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

In Between

2006-04-02T23:46:00.000+08:00

There is this world where people talk of champagne brunches and fast cars and chanel bags. The girls are elegant, poised, flawless, polished, nary a hair in place. The guys are smooth, confident, intelligent. Ideas, information, wit, trivia, networking... they all matter.

Then there is this other world where all these things don't matter. And the abovementioned sets you apart. "High maintenance" they call it. "The English one" they say. "The very dressed up one", they label.

Work and Effort

2006-03-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

I'm really not very good at the things I'm interested in. I realise that it takes a huge investment of time and effort before I reach the threshold where my rate of improvement starts to accelerate. It usually gets off to a very slow start. And then I either have too little time or I lose interest.

That happened to touch rugby, to netball, to even music and literature, to dance, and I think to acting... There is never enough time to do everything I want to do.

For every attempt at a new avenue, it always takes sheer effort and concentration. Nothing really comes that easily. Either that, or I need to relook my own focus and start measuring it up to the amount of focus that others give to their work or the things to do. I might have been underestimating the amount of effort required at doing things for the last 24 years of my life. And there is always that Eureka moment, the moment when you realise how much effort is actually required. And that is when the sense of awe overcomes you for the first time, when you realise how high the hurdle is. But when the hurdle is crossed, that's when the sense of might and achievement comes.

Disappointment and Hope

2006-03-13T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was in a car with my little Barnabas Club(Sunday School) girl Hannah and her brother Timothy. And you can see that this is a family overflowing with love. Such tenderness goes into how their parents converse with their darlings. Such warmth and love in the bodily gestures and the plans they make together. Yes, this is a family with a God in its midst. There is so much hope in the children's future.

This has been the year of disappointing friendships. I can't be the only party trying, initiating all the time. And I'm reminded of how transient everything I have is. There is no firm foundation to rely on. Every other support system will fail at one point of time, even if it is subjectively so. Except God. I can't read minds. Usually I like to sit down and tackle problems on the head. I want to be a kind, understanding friend, but I need to be able to understand first. But if I'm the only one trying here, isn't that saying something?

I'm tired.

Dylan Thomas speaking to me - To Dana Reeve

2006-03-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Munich

2006-02-27T17:58:00.000+08:00

A thinking man’s action movie is a tagline that wouldn’t do Munich justice. If movies could take personality tests, it would be a choleric/melancholic.

The movie develops in a linear path, give and take the requisite flashbacks to that fateful terrorist attack. It’s a very straightforward movie. No arty pretense to it – typically Spielberg. But its beauty lies in the encapsulation of the inner workings of the characters’ minds.

The passions of both sides are disconcerting for me. They place such immense value on “having a home on earth”. The people are willing to kill and destroy lives just for a few “stone huts and olive trees”. But it does make me wonder why I just don’t care. I simply don’t. Is the apathy a young Singaporean’s failing? Or is it just me? Or maybe it would take a catastrophe or an earth-shaking event to move my patriotism. We don’t have much history behind us. The Israelis had thousands of years of bondage and oppression behind them. The Palestinians have history compounded with indignation. Maybe their history is more tied to their land… their sense of belonging is entrenched in the soil of their forefathers. But we are a migrant people. And are these my excuses?

All the blood that is spilt does not achieve any concrete effect. It merely sends a message, as was admitted by the terrorists in the movie. No one attack can do much in the greater scheme of things. Right after key players are eradicated, new angrier ones arise in their place. Poignantly, this brought a sense of hopelessness and futility in the midst of all that faith and belief. In the end, Eric Bana’s character doesn’t come out of the situation determined and victorious. He becomes destroyed…

Probably one of the best movies I've seen in some time...

The art of forgetting

2006-02-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

It’s been a few weeks since it all exploded in one big poof of smoke. That anticlimax moment, a sudden revelation at the futility of it all. I thought I was resigned to and accepted it and I thought I had moved on. Weeks after, I’ve been meeting and making new friends, expanding my social circle, as though to replace this one that I had just lost.

But suddenly last night, it all came rushing back to me. I simply have not forgotten. There were no scars, no anger, trauma, emotional ties. No sadness, hate, love, remorse, guilt, heartbreak. But there was regret. A what if that will never come to fruition.

My Good Week

2006-02-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

I’m actually sitting in the office typing this. The past week was a whirl of work, work and more work. Now that I’ve handed it in, I find myself suddenly void of work. What a great way to start my Monday!

Despite the work, the past week has been pleasant… The hours stuck in the office were long, but I thrive on change. Moving up to the 27th floor surrounded by documents wasn’t as bleak as I thought it would be. There were new people to talk to, new people to lunch with, in between meeting with old friends for lunch.

On Tuesday, I checked out the nice Italian place at Ocean Towers with the IP bunch for lunch – Marc, Geri, Jessica and Tim. Except for Marc, I don’t really talk very much to the rest on a usual basis. So that was refreshing. The company and the food was great. (The antipasti was really good!) And then discovered a really nice coffee nook at OCBC Centre called Leo's, courtesy of Jessica. They have really really good coffee. Not diluted, but strong and not too acidic. Hmm… must expand my lunch avenues since I’m going to be working here for quite a while. And must expand my repertoire of lunch kakis. It would be nice to meet up with all the different friends working here for lunch. It’s actually sad that I work here with so many others, but we just don’t bother or don’t have enough time to meet up. Lunch has become a hurried affair in the litigation department. We dabao and do quick lunches in the office now. There’s just so much work.

On Wednesday, I actually walked all the way beyond Far East Square to Sushi Tei to meet Weihao and Darrell. Heh, I think someone had a craving… I’ve never bothered to walk all that way before. So much for saving money for the weekends instead!

The weekends passed by in a blur – a busy blur. Met up with FS for our tete a tete at Kovan’s HK Café. It’s really not bad. I would rate their milk tea above the HK Café at Upper East Coast, which is a tad too sweet. But I think I prefer the French toast at the latter better. Had a pretty good long chat about things. The next day, I met up with Kevin and Pam for Crystal Jade lunch, followed by Munich and then met up with Zach for the treat I always meant to give him for his birthday.

We went to Menotti’s… I’m a big foodie, and warm chocolate cake always takes a special place in my heart… hahaha. The pollo panini was excellent. Paninis remind me of Paris, because I ate so many paninis when I was there. It’s the cheapest way to settle dinner in France when you’re broke. Although paninis made for depressing dinners when I was there, it always brings back fond memories whenever I order it back home. Call it romanticizing the past if you will. I’m a sentimentalist. Pardon the digression, but I only realized just how much of a sentimentalist I am when I saw what my friends filled up for me in my own johari window. I didn’t think to call myself one, but my friends did. And upon reflection(ps, I’m ‘reflective’ too!), I realise that it’s true. I remember the past a tad too vividly, and I treasure fond memories. That can sometimes be dangerous.

One pollo panini and soffiato later (Zach had the scallop tagliatelle and riccioto), we stumbled out of Menotti’s. And I was suddenly weighed down by this immense fatigue. It just dawned on me that no matter how precious weekends were, no matter how I tried to maximize my time and pack in as much friend time as I can within those precious 48 hours or so, it will catch up with my body soon. I can’t keep moving.

I have to learn to be still. Something I also picked up the weekend before at the Tabernacle. And for the past few months, I’ve been moving in a blur, a constant kinetic motion. Never resting, never pausing to appreciate the futility of this constant meeting up, this continuing cycle of weekdays and weekends. Always doing, never thinking Why. Should I stay home and catch up on my reading instead? Or catch up on my downloaded shows? But does that not belong to the kinetic category albeit in a more sedentary fashion?

And then I realize, what am I going to do in my stillness, even if I learnt to rest and learnt to appreciate alone time. I’m not used to it anymore. What if my thoughts awash me and I return to those bleak days?

p.s. Must run off all the food I've been eating all week...

Fill it for me!!

2006-02-24T00:50:00.000+08:00

http://kevan.org/johari?name=curiouscanaan

Beauty

2006-02-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

I still can't figure out the criteria by which guys measure and mark out the girls they think are hot. I for one think guys have bad taste, or at least the ones I know have bad taste... Just went out with Zach today. As usual, he keeps pointing out random girls and marking them out as hot. Is "hot" an objective universal criteria? Or is it determined by the cultural norms? For one, most of the girls he picked out look sweet, skinny, and VERY YOUNG. I'm convinced he's a closet paedophile.. hahahahaha. All of that, I'm ashamed to say, look like the typical generic sweet Singaporean girl.

Girls, on the other hand, use a different scale by which to gauge beauty. But I don't think there's a fixed standard. Food for thought. But I'm too tired to go through this now.

Saturday

2006-02-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

The weekend flew by once again. But I'm trying to make every minute count, which usually ends up with me getting sleep-deprived and going into the office on Monday morning with a very bad grace.

Saturday was spent in Sentosa with the Barnabas Club Touch Kids leaders at a highly technical map-reading version of Amazing Race. It wasn't so bad... I managed to get some sun, which is a really refreshing change! I'm still curious as to why skin-whitening products are popping out everywhere. Tanned skin can be really nice too! White skin can make one look pasty and unhealthy. Unfortunately my tan has disappeared proportionate to the time I spend in the office and indoors in church on weekends...

I headed down to the Tabernacle after Sentosa... spent 3 fruitful hours in the chapel. I laid out an agenda, hoping to seek out the answers to some of the things that have been plaguing me. But it was funny how the moment I planted myself inside the outer courts, I was confronted with a note that said, "seek communion with God, come with no agenda". OK, point taken.

I came out with a reminder from Exodus 14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." I have been seeking and seeking and getting really indignant at the lack of answers, the constant wondering and the angst... And at the end of it, God is actually telling me to just stop fretting and to let Him work instead. I really didn't think of that.

My 3 hours just flew by. It really didn't seem that long. The only clue was that I was getting thirsty and cold. But I was encouraged and touched when Yating suddenly appeared when I emerged, having waited for me for 3 hrs... Hehe thanks so much!!!!

Hebrews - Love

2006-02-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

Part of the essence of God's love is to Rejoice when others Rejoice, to Weep when others Weep. It may not be innate. It may not be natural. But we can always try to aspire. Thank God.

2006-02-12T21:38:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to live for the weekends, particularly Fridays and Saturdays, when the days are entirely mine and I'm not accountable to anyone as to how I spend my time. Weekdays are exhausting. I'm always on the ball, always conscious of how I should conduct myself, but I like to think I'm starting to understand a little bit more what is expected of me.

Just when I think I'm getting slightly better job-wise, I'm starting to wonder why my personal life is starting to fall apart, piece by piece. Doubts resurfacing, the lows are coming back. Right now, the people I can confide in are far away. There is no time to meet up with them anymore. Is this what loneliness feels like? Maybe it's the lack of sleep talking. The friends are changing. The people I used to confide in have slipped away. I hope it's not just the weak threads of nostalgia that are binding us... I really hope there was more to it, especially since I put so much faith in these ties once.

Anyway, on a positive note, Wala's was wonderful as usual. Jack was stellar, Ray was magnetic. They played Jason Mraz and Matchbox Twenty and Five for Fighting... There was good company, good wine and good food after. Definitely reignited my excitement over the upcoming Jason Mraz concert. There was the climax of the week, the saving grace that made the week great.

The TOUCH KIDZ skit went smoothly too. It's amazing how I tried to approach it like any other performance - learning my lines, making sure my cues were right, ensuring there was interaction with my fellow actors - but in the end, all was tossed to the wind by the response of the audience. Our young 10-12 yr olds responded so violently and so passionately to the simple storyline unfolding on the stage. It really struck me how simple their young minds are now, and it gave me one further peek into these mindsets. Has it been so long, that I've forgotten what it felt like to be at that age? The voice were yelling at the male character not to give in and apologise, the girls were slightly more passive, but they were reacting indignantly to the boys. Hope the ultimate message of love and forgiveness actually reached our target audience!!!

Work week

2006-02-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

Monday - Worked and brought work home. Worked some more

Tuesday - Came to work at 8am. Worked till 11pm. Had a marathon lecture organised for all the pupils. Caught the fireworks at 930pm.

Wednesday - Worked. Was treated by my boss. Left at 1030. Caught the fireworks again.

Yup I really wanted to whine. But the week is getting better.